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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my DC with grandparents for 10 days?

124 replies

Whatshouldonedo · 06/01/2019 11:01

DH has a big birthday approaching and I'm in the process of organising a trip

It's something a bit different which isn't child friendly so would mean leaving the DC (aged 3 and 6) with their grandparents for around 9-10 days. We've never left them for that length of time, but the eldest would be in school and youngest in nursery as usual, so their routine wouldn't be disrupted as such

AIBU or is it ok to leave them for this length of time?

OP posts:

SpangledPants · 06/01/2019 11:46

Too long for the grandparents, too long for the kids.

EatCrisps · 06/01/2019 11:47

I think it's a long time even if the GPS are agreeable to it (which I presume they are). I would do something else either as a family trip or just an adult trip lasting no more than 3/4 nights. Then save what you have in mind for the next milestone birthday when they are 19 years older

Mummyoflittledragon · 06/01/2019 11:47

I wouldn’t be able to do it myself. I would hate it and I’d be concerned about damaging my dc. If you do, I think you need a strategy to explain to the children how many sleeps before you come home. Eg pictures to cross off.

abacucat · 06/01/2019 11:50

This really depends on your children and is not something anyone else can answer. I spent a week away at 3 because my mum was in hospital and my dad worked long hours. I apparently was totally fine. So fine in fact that I think my mum was a bit upset that I wasn't upset at not seeing her for a week. But some kids would be totally distraught. You know your kids, so you know what is realistic.

Penninepain · 06/01/2019 11:51

Have you asked the grandparents?
I have my three year old gc 2 days, with an overnight, a week and wave a thankful goodbye at the end of day 2.
I love them to death. But not for 10 days. Oh no.

Qasd · 06/01/2019 11:51

Are the grandparents genuinely ok with it?!..I mean not just agreeing that it is ok but really do not mind? Because that is one heck of an ask!..I would never have left mine at that age but that is as much that I do not know anyone who would have taken my kids for 10 days!!

Missingstreetlife · 06/01/2019 11:52

Ok if they know gps well and stick to routine, usual activities. Better if gps can stay in your house unless they are v familiar with and stayed at gp alone before

BlackCatSleeping · 06/01/2019 11:52

I got my parents to watch my kids for one night when they were this age and I ended up getting a frantic phone call at 9pm that DD just wouldn't stop crying and I needed to come home now.

I think you would be better doing a few practice runs before going for 2 weeks.

N2986 · 06/01/2019 11:54

I wouldn't it's too long for my DC's. They've only stayed away from me for one night at a time. Oh yeah and there's no way my dm would go for the idea!

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 06/01/2019 11:54

We did it at exactly those ages for our honeymoon. Ds1 cried a bit when we said goodbye but they had a great time with family. No Skype or anything back then, of course we missed them but a decade on they aren’t traumatised (we’ve just spoken about it).

BigSandyBalls2015 · 06/01/2019 11:54

Very much depends on the kids, one of mine would have had no problem at all with this, one would have hated it.

mygrandchildrenrock · 06/01/2019 11:55

As a grandparent, I have happily done this and will happily do so again. It really depends how well your children know their grandparents and vice versa. I think it made everyone much closer in our family.

LagunaBubbles · 06/01/2019 11:56

We left my 6 year old DS with my Mum when we went on honeymoon for a week, had a great time and I knew my son would be getting spoiled by his Nanny, he was used to staying overnight anyway. Sadly my Mum has passed away now and my DS is 25 but I love thinking about the relationship they had.

Xuli · 06/01/2019 11:57

We did for as long with a 5 year old and. 9 month old. Split between the two sets of grandparents, kids still at school or childcare. Everyone was absolutely fine and had a great time!

potatoscone · 06/01/2019 12:00

I wouldn't, but my DC's never slept at grandparents house 'just because', in fact they never actually stayed over because they never needed to. The kind of holiday etc we took pre DC ended when we had a family. We take family holidays now. I have no desire to go away without part of my family.

Lots of people are different of course, and there is no right answer. If your DC are used to staying at grandparents, and the grandparents are definitely ok with it, then why not?

HolgerLowCarbingLoser · 06/01/2019 12:00

It is absolutely fine. And actually good for them, and for you.

Thiswayorthatway · 06/01/2019 12:02

In principle fine, but a lot to ask of GP's.

Yulebealrite · 06/01/2019 12:03

We left for 3 nights max at that age.

Happygolucky009 · 06/01/2019 12:04

My youngest is a rough and tough little boy who regularly saw gp weekly who provided childcare whilst I was at work. His first sleepover with gp was at his request when he was 4. At 6:30pm I got the first call from him asking to be collected. Gp managed to get him dressed and into pj' s before 2nd request to come was made. Ultimately he did stay overnight, but I stayed too!

Can't imagine how you would accommodate this scenario if away for 2 weeks and what stress this would place on your children as well as parents.

You need to wait and do it in 5 or 10 yrs.

Yulebealrite · 06/01/2019 12:04

We did for as long with a 5 year old and. 9 month old. Split between the two sets of grandparents, kids still at school or childcare. Everyone was absolutely fine and had a great time!
You can be absolutely sure the 9 month old was fine?

potatoscone · 06/01/2019 12:05

It is absolutely fine. And actually good for them, and for you.

I agree that it's fine. But actually good? Do you have anything to back that up?

missperegrinespeculiar · 06/01/2019 12:05

Absolutely depends on the kids, mine wouldn't be happy with it even now (and they are 7 and 11), my niece, who is much more adventurous would probably not bat an eyelid!

Mousewithascarf · 06/01/2019 12:06

I agree that it totally depends on the grandparents and the children involved.

Are the GPs willing, able and do they know your DC really really well? Are they in tune with their moods, likes, dislikes, the behaviour that = tired, off colour, upset, unsettled etc?

Does your 3 year old have enough understanding to know you will be back in 10 days and realise you’ve not left for good?

Do your DC love being with your DPs and get excited at the thought of spending time with them?

If they answers to these are yes and your DC are used to having them look after them I’d go for it. I’d be knackered afterwards but it would absolutely love to have my oldest DD for that amount of time (littlest too young to be away from DD & DSIL) and know she has the understanding to understand why I’m looking after her and when her mum and dad will be back.

explodingkitten · 06/01/2019 12:06

Only if they are used to sleepovers with the GP for a few days. Not as a first time sleep over.

problembottom · 06/01/2019 12:07

My DSis regularly did this with her three kids, my folks live in a different country and they’d do a week or two in the holidays. They loved it.

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