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AIBU?

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Original poster

Midwife gave me a parcel of toys for my children is this normal?

122 replies

Foreverexhausted · 05/01/2019 18:18

Posting for traffic....

I had a baby two weeks before Christmas, had terrible baby blues and was put on 'mood watch' with regular visits at home from midwives. A couple of days before Christmas one of the midwives turned up with a huge bag of 'presents', there were lots of lovely brand new age relevant toys for both my children and several gifts including a gro-bag for my new baby. I was really taken aback and didn't know what to say. It wasn't until after she left I saw there was a label attached to the bag which said it was a gift from the Salvation Army!!

I still don't know what to think. Did the midwife think I was in need because I had a baby so close to Christmas and had terrible baby blues or did she think I was poor? Has anyone experienced this?

Thanks all

OP posts:
MorningsEleven · 05/01/2019 20:14

It sounds like a sweet gesture. The year my DS spent Christmas in hospital he was given a huge sack of presents. It made his day. They also delivered me some chocolates to get me through the worry and the exhaustion of lying on a camp bed next to him with no sleep. They were just kind.

Pinkandbluemcdonald5 · 05/01/2019 20:16

In my observations over the years, many of these parcels are given to families whose trees are packed full of presents already. These families are in poverty, but presents were not lacking.

However, i am not saying that that there aren’t children who go without. I suppose they are the ones that their families may not be engaging with services.

Jenny17 · 05/01/2019 20:20

Gift giving to people who don't want or need it is not a nice gesture. I would not accept a gift from an unknown recipient.

Natsku · 05/01/2019 20:44

Might be something for all Christmas time babies or she referred you because of your baby blues. I'm not in the UK but have received similar the last few years for my daughter because she was a social services client because of her dad and because I asked for extra help - every Christmas we got some charity presents and a gift card for Christmas food. I was always very thankful and will donate to the charity myself this year. Though we were given gifts again this Christmas just gone and she hasn't been a client since the spring so was a bit confused about that but not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Shimy · 05/01/2019 20:45

had a Xmas day baby in 1994. All my hv did was look round the house and say "just because you have got everything don't think your baby's better than anyone else's

Shock Gob well and truly smacked! I hope you told her to get out!

DesertSky · 05/01/2019 21:00

OP, I think they get donations from the Salvation Army to pass on as gifts of kindness at Xmas. I would expect your Midwife thought it would be a nice thing to do for you having your baby so close to Christmas and due to the fact you’ve been having the baby blues.
Congratulations on your little one x

sayanythingelse · 05/01/2019 21:17

Not the norm but definitely kind. I had DD just before Christmas 17 and my midwife kept huffing at how inconvenient it was to be with me rather than her family over the festive period. My HV refused to visit me as well because it was snowing.

Sounds like you have a nice, thoughtful midwife Smile

missymayhemsmum · 05/01/2019 21:19

She probably had several parcels to distribute, and thought that perhaps you had enough to do and that you and your kids could do with a little extra Santa this year. If it bothers you, pay it forward to another mum next year.

whatsthepointthen · 05/01/2019 21:35

Tbh I would have found it abit off aswell. A fee years back I received an xmas card from my HV and it contained a shop voucher and honestly I felt embarrased, I was a “young” single mum of 2 so I know they “picked” me for that reason which made me feel judged.

Canuckduck · 05/01/2019 22:01

My previous workplace received donated toys which we offered to all of the families regardless of our perception of their need. I think offer is the key word here. Many families even those who are poor take pride in providing for their own children at Christmas. Or perhaps children’s gifts are divided up amongst the extended family. Some of the parents we worked with didn’t see their children often and saved all year to give them a special gift. While it’s meant as a kindness it should always be offered not just given.

Flowerpower220394 · 06/01/2019 17:25

What a kind gesture. I'd be grateful for any help if it was me :)

Passthecake30 · 06/01/2019 17:32

My ds was in hospital the week before Xmas once, and came home with an amazing sit and ride (£25-£30?), apparently a football team came in to hand out gifts.

Hope you are feeling better OP.

MommaDuck · 06/01/2019 17:49

I’m a midwife, currently working in the health visiting team. We often do this to help families near Christmas who we feel would benefit. It may mean you have had a rough labour and unable to get out, may mean you’re having some health problems which may hinder Xmas shopping. It’s alwaus done out of kindness and not judgment. I hope you all enjoy the gifts 💐

Rmw12 · 06/01/2019 17:50

I agree with other posters, I think the midwife thought you deserved to have your spirits lifted at Christmas. If she’s been in your house before I’m sure she knows you’re not needy. I wouldn’t say anything to her if you see her again but if you feel guilty about accepting the gifts perhaps pay it forward by donating some of the gifts or some money to charity.

Tink2007 · 06/01/2019 17:54

Would you have been upset (for want of a word) had there not been a tag from the Salvation Army and had just been the midwife being “nice”?

eleigh66 · 06/01/2019 18:21

Very normal here. They get given loads from charity. My midwife always brings nappies or clothes etc, but in the past I have had toys, bottles, toiletries for me

clarehhh · 06/01/2019 18:24

Enjoy and pay it forward next Christmas, donate to them or another charity that distributes gifts.

Whereisthegin1978 · 06/01/2019 18:29

In our area gifts such as this are for children from disadvantaged backgrounds or financially struggling. Perhaps they had excess and she thought it would be a kind gesture due to how you’ve been feeling. You could always repay the gesture by donating next year ?

OrangeSunsets · 06/01/2019 18:40

It sounds lovely. Don’t over think it! Just enjoy and know she cares enough to think of you.

Serin · 06/01/2019 18:42

I know what you mean OP. It is easy to feel patronised.
A local church gave a young Mum at our school a huge hamper at Christmas and it really upset her as she felt that they thought her children were hard done to.

Our 16yr old DC had to go to AandE with a rugby injury at Easter and came away with a giant Easter Egg courtesy of Asda, that's fine and a world away from someone coming to your door, I guess.

Fakeflowersandlemonade · 06/01/2019 18:43

A few years my daughter was a day patient in hospital a few days before Xmas. She left with a huge back of gifts. I think it my just be down to human kindness. Embrace it there is not much of it around.

Fairyhill · 06/01/2019 18:49

Your MWwas thinking about you as well as the children - having baby blues is horrible and I was on mood watch too - if my MW had brought anything round for the other kids I know it would have been to relieve any pressure from up coming celebrations - she had your family’s happiness and welfare at heart.
And perhaps did nt say where it was all from to not embarrass you - often people say no thanks to gifts.. but they were for the children.
I think your Mw is a sweetheart. X.

MumW · 06/01/2019 18:49

You can pay it on at a later date whether a few months time or a few years time as well as passing the toys on when your children have outgrown them - maybe to Women's Aid.

Arpafeelie · 06/01/2019 19:02

When she was a baby DD was in hospital on Christmas Day. She got a lovely soft toy and a hand knitted matinee jacket. I was given a silver handbag mirror with the city crest on it. I was overwhelmed that someone had spent hours knitting for some unknown baby in hospital, it just felt like it radiated love at a very difficult time. We didn't need anything financially, but I did need to feel supported.

Bearseatbeets · 06/01/2019 19:26

The Salvation Army were supported by ‘the Entertainer’ this year and were blown away by the kindness of people as they received so many donations. However they rely on local services distributing the gifts, social workers, midwives etc. My guess is your Midwife’s office had to say roughly how many families in need they would be able to give gifts out for and they ended up with more gifts than people so they handed them out a bit more freely in the few days before Christmas. If you’re uncomfortable, I’m sure the midwife would have other families she could pass it onto now, but otherwise it’s a lovely gift. Put a quid in the SA tin when they’re out playing carols next year

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