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Original poster

Midwife gave me a parcel of toys for my children is this normal?

122 replies

Foreverexhausted · 05/01/2019 18:18

Posting for traffic....

I had a baby two weeks before Christmas, had terrible baby blues and was put on 'mood watch' with regular visits at home from midwives. A couple of days before Christmas one of the midwives turned up with a huge bag of 'presents', there were lots of lovely brand new age relevant toys for both my children and several gifts including a gro-bag for my new baby. I was really taken aback and didn't know what to say. It wasn't until after she left I saw there was a label attached to the bag which said it was a gift from the Salvation Army!!

I still don't know what to think. Did the midwife think I was in need because I had a baby so close to Christmas and had terrible baby blues or did she think I was poor? Has anyone experienced this?

Thanks all

OP posts:
PassTheGinPlease · 05/01/2019 18:44

I had a big basket of food given by my MW the Christmas my DS was born, he had left scbu a fortnight before after being in for four months. I also had a 20 month old DD.
I was so embarrassed and worried they thought I was poor! I was very unwell with my MH, so my anxiety went mad with worry.
I asked her in the end and she had put us forward as she said we had, as a family gone through so much, and with DS being still unwell (on night time oxygen), me being unwell and DH working whilst trying to keep us all going, she felt we deserved a treat.
If it's playing on your mind, ask, and if the toys aren't needed, offer to donate them elsewhere.

BirdieInTheHand · 05/01/2019 18:45

Why would you be mortified?

VanGoghsDog · 05/01/2019 18:48

The Salvation Army are very generous.

Well, the people who donate the gifts are, my office at work collected 1,600 gifts to give to the SA this Christmas. I thought they went to the needy. The OP seems to be implying that she is not in need.

PoshPenny · 05/01/2019 18:50

I expect she thought it would cheer you up and would be mortified if she felt she had offended you in any way. I kind of understand what you mean about the "poor" comment. My DH is a postman and this year we were completely overwhelmed by the number of food gifts (often home made with love) that he received. There are only so many mince pies, cakes, biscuits and puddings that anyone can eat wine and cash are better as they can be put away and used later and aren't so fattening We literally struggled to find room for them all. Part of me wonders why people think gifts of food are appropriate or did they think we couldn't afford to buy our own? We didn't want or need any of it. But no way can I bring myself to Chuck it out. So I do get where you're coming from. However, I'd say a gift is a gift and gifts should be accepted graciously in the same spirit that they are given. And try to be gracious about our own unwanted gifts we are still chomping through

MrsSchadenfreude · 05/01/2019 18:50

@OhTheRoses - I think I had the same midwife in 1998. She said the same thing to me about breast feeding, was an utter cow. She would tell me that she would come round in the morning between 0730 and 1200 andI had to be "up, showered and dressed." I used to go to bed with my hair plaited, fully dressed, so that if she turned up early I could leap out of bed and be "ready" for her. She also told me she had never seen anyone as incompetent with a baby as me. When I had the next one, two years later, I said I didn't want her anywhere near me, but fortunately she had moved on.

JudasPrudy · 05/01/2019 18:53

She probably thought you might not get a lot of shopping done given you've just had a baby and going through a bit of a hard time with it. When I worked in family support we used to go to family appeal for all of our families really, it's Christmas and if you can do it and you think the family will benefit then why not.

user1494066152 · 05/01/2019 18:57

It's a lovely gesture.... I do donate myself but did think it went to families in need who would otherwise miss out?

Witchend · 05/01/2019 18:58

My grandparents who were very well off in a very well off village had a harvest basket dropped off by "Help the aged" one year. My granny said "very kind, but I prefer to still be in the category of donating to Help the Aged, rather than being considered one of the aged. Grin

Jenny17 · 05/01/2019 19:00

Some people suggest that it mean you need help which can be concerning if you don't.

Surely GDPR comes into force here they used your personal information to give you gifts. I'm pretty sure that's not why you provided it.

elliejjtiny · 05/01/2019 19:00

She probably gave a parcel to all the women she visited that day or maybe the ones she thought we're going through a tough time and needed a treat. My ds was in hospital in December a couple of years ago and got a present (think it was stickers, crayons and a colouring book) that had been donated because it was Christmas.

Jenny17 · 05/01/2019 19:03

@poshpenny that's not the same as charity. Sounds like your hubby is a well liked and popular postman.

Snoz · 05/01/2019 19:03

It's quite strange when you're under certain services. I've had similar, but coming from a very affluent situation. For me at the time, I took it as them thinking I was too thick to buy toys for my baby. I guess for some families, it's that they can't afford toys. I think their hearts are in the right place. But I hate being told what I need, or being sent what I apparently need when I've already sorted it. Yes, I may have PND, but it doesn't mean I'm incapable of being Santa ffs!

Polkadotdelight · 05/01/2019 19:04

I don't think it's anything personal or a judgement. I had bad pnd and had a homestart volunteer once a week. At Christmas I 'won' a hamper of food and toys, I really didn't need it and asked them to redraw it for another family to have but she then admitted that it was something they did for every family. I think it's just a nice gesture which helps many families but also as a little boost.

Greenteandchives · 05/01/2019 19:04

When my ds was seriously ill I was brought a harvest basket from the church. I was a bit Hmm but touched that people were thinking of me. He was in hospital for a couple of Christmases and the amount of toys he was given by various charities was amazing. We left a lot of them in the hospital. People are kind and do nice things sometimes OP.

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 05/01/2019 19:06

My midwife came for my babys 5 day check on Christmas Day and I got nuffin'!!

ChasedByBees · 05/01/2019 19:07

I would assume it’s a random act of kindness.

bluebellpillow · 05/01/2019 19:07

When I had my second baby the HV asked if I wanted a hamper for christmas and some toys for the dc. Dc2 had congenital abnormalities and had been in hospital a lot in his short time so I think that was why she asked us . I did feel a bit mortified if I'm honest to be the recipient of people who had donated toys/food for needy people and I said no thank you. I didn't need any toys for dc1 anyway.

SarahAndQuack · 05/01/2019 19:08

I think they should have said where it came from, as you might have many reasons for not feeling quite comfortable. For example, I wouldn't personally accept anything from the Salvation Army given some of their views.

OhTheRoses and MrsS - that's awful! Sadly I think there's still a huge unevenness in terms of how good care is.

Fluffymullet · 05/01/2019 19:08

I work in the NHS with children and we have loads of stuff donated at Easter and Christmas. Lovely gesture for kids who really are going through hell. There is so much stuff you sometimes can't give it all away! She was probably giving one to everyone

ViolaLucyofTirol · 05/01/2019 19:08

lf it bothers you you could always donate to a woman’s refuge nearby. I’m sure they would be grateful.. This.

It's a nice gesture, nothing more nothing less, this constant need to see issues in things is so depressing.

ShowOfHands · 05/01/2019 19:09

I work for a charity (cradle to grave service dealing with behaviour support, bereavement, mental health issues, illness, money worries, loneliness, unemployment etc) which helps distribute toys from the SA at Christmas. It is a nice gesture for any families we work with who have young children. It is not a reflection of anything bar the generosity of people and charities in December. They also set up trips in the school holidays and we offer places to all children of an appropriate age with whom we work.

MissyCooper · 05/01/2019 19:10

Why would I be mortified? I guess because i would hate for anyone to think of me as a charity case in all honesty.

TheBigBangRocks · 05/01/2019 19:10

My last work place collected for this appeal. We were told they go to homes where children would have no other gift. Obviously that's not the case.

DeloresJaneUmbridge · 05/01/2019 19:11

We used to do this in one area I worked in as a HV. Lots of people donated to the children’s centre and one year there was a lot of stuff over. We gave it out to people in the town, some we knew didn’t have a lot of money but we also gave to those who had been having a crap time and might have found it harder to get out and buy pressies. We did ask first if they wanted it though,

I knew one Mum who had no relatives and few friends to support her or to buy her gifts as she was very isolated. It was great to sort her out some of the adult gifts like bath and beauty stuff as I knew she wouldn’t get anything else. Left her a bag of wrapped gifts and a note to explain where it had come from. After Xmas she said to me that it had made her cry as she wouldn’t have had anything ...to have a few gifts to open meant the world to her at that time,

SarahAndQuack · 05/01/2019 19:12

It's a nice gesture, nothing more nothing less, this constant need to see issues in things is so depressing.*

It's not odd for someone to wonder whether or not another person would be more deserving. Most of us actually do this automatically. If you don't, perhaps the really appropriate thing to do would be to consider whether you're actually a bit grabby, rather than ticking off the OP for wondering why she was given this.

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