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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have made a big decision myself and not with dh

128 replies

Decisionmakeragain · 05/01/2019 12:44

Had to make a big decision (money involved)
Tried numerous times to discuss options with dh and he would not talk to me all I got was ‘I’m not sure’ ‘let’s talk later/tomorrow/next week’, ‘I’m busy’ etc etc and I kept persevering and he kept putting me off knowing full well we had a deadline.
So I made the decision and sorted it all out. He didn’t even ask he’s just ignored it all ?
WIBU
I have a feeling when he finds out he will say I made the wrong decision and it’s worrying me

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/01/2019 15:39

Having read it again I am concerned that you have made this decision not only with no imput from your DH but also by your own admission with very limited knowledge. Even if he wasn't willing to discuss it you should have sought out the correct advice before making a big financial decision.

ApolloandDaphne · 05/01/2019 15:41

I am guessing some sort of insurance policy. Life cover or critical illness. But OP has taken this out only for herself and not her DH as he wouldn't commit. If that is it then i think you would be in the right to do this.

RCohle · 05/01/2019 15:42

Using joint money for a financial product in your name only is a bit dodgy, no?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 05/01/2019 15:44

But life insurance is common not outing and unless OP is very near the bread line it isn't going to be big money to find every month

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2019 15:51

Getting life insurance isn't "quite unique" and if it's in her name only doesn't need to be from joint finances.
Sounds like OP has made some sort of investment of the money but has put it all in her name so if its wrong they both lose and if it's right she gains

BrokenWing · 05/01/2019 15:54

With no details other than Big financial commitment for 10 years. YABU

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2019 16:01

Decision my DH used to be a bit like this. I would mention something we needed to think about he would out me off several times, we'd get to crunch time and I'd go with what I thought was best. He criticised a couple of my choices a few times and I was apologetic and wondered how I could do better. Then it occurred to me how unreasonable he was being and the next time he criticised I turned it around and laid into him a bit about the way he'd ducked out of the responsibility and the work involved in making the decision then refused to talk about it or accept any blame. He apologised. He hasn't done it since and he's been better at talking about things when I raise them (still doesn't ever seem to raise them himself though).

YANBU to have made the decision. YANBU to be annoyed with your DH. I can only advise that you start owning not just the decision but how much work you've done on it and being assertive about pointing out how out of order he is to even have an opinion on how good your decision is when he has ducked out of all responsibility.

13thWarriorWitch · 05/01/2019 16:09

You haven't put all your money into some cult building an ark or something, have you?

That would be fairly unique. Grin.

IceRebel · 05/01/2019 16:12

You haven't put all your money into some cult building an ark or something, have you? That would be fairly unique.

Damn I thought it was just me who'd invested in that, trust me you'll all be sorry when the flood comes Grin

Petalflowers · 05/01/2019 16:19

Is the flood due in ten years time then... ?

IceRebel · 05/01/2019 16:25

Hey petal it takes a long time to round up all those animals, especially those dodo birds, I still need a pair of those Wink

PurpleFlower1983 · 05/01/2019 16:28

I reckon it’s something as mundane as a 10 year fixed rate on the mortgage...

Birdsgottafly · 05/01/2019 16:29

If its something like a fixed rate mortgage coming to an end and you have a deadline to extend etc.

Then I think it's OK to make the decision, if your Partner won't engage.

I would say, on Monday, that I'm going to be doing that on Thursday, say and then remind him on Wednesday, but I'd go ahead, if he still ignored the issue.

TedAndLola · 05/01/2019 17:11

This thread is the equivalent of those attention seeking Facebook posts like 'You find out who ur real friends are when ur in the shit' and 200 replies saying 'Whats up hun?? x'

Jamiefraserskilt · 05/01/2019 17:14

He was faffing and avoiding the issue. You made a decision. Rightly or wrongly he will moan at some stage because you made it.
Tough shit.

harriethoyle · 05/01/2019 17:18

Oh, for goodness sake. It won't be outing, unless it's funding for matching facial tattoos. Give the full story or pipe down. This vague booking is ludicrous.

harriethoyle · 05/01/2019 17:19

Exactly @TedandLola. "I'll pm u hon..."

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/01/2019 17:44

For god's sake don't give details. The vultures will descend and pick to bits whatever decision you did make (no matter what it was). It will be way worse than anything your DH could manage. Keep to the vague.

yoyo1234 · 05/01/2019 17:53

Could be an ISA ( can only be in single names and some eg the new LISA need to be invested for certain length of time until you reach 60 or buy a first house), likewise pension (also only drawable at a certain age eg 10 years time),mortgage ... None are " outing ". Drama queen.

Neverunderfed · 05/01/2019 17:55

I'd assume a re-mortgage/signing into new deal on mortgage.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/01/2019 19:41

I think the point is Boom is that this vague is pointless. OP might as well it to herself in a text.

Aibu to have moved the fixed term investment into an identical one cos DP was faffing.
Aibu to have invested 50k in the Botswana Prince Steve who said if I buy a share in his castle now, will give me 5 million in a months time
Aibu spending £2000 on a telly cos the kids are going crazy without one but we're multimillionaires / I've had to take out a pay day loan because we both lost our jobs

It's all very different isn't it

CautionTape · 05/01/2019 19:43

I must admit that I am often not too interested in our joint finances etc so if DH makes a unilateral decision that’s cool by me.

Maybe your DH feels the same op?

NewPinkSocks · 05/01/2019 21:58

I doubt its a remortgage. Do people atcually tie themselves im for 10 years?

Also TTC wouldnt be a monthly payment..

Consolidated Loan maybe to pay off debts?

ReaganSomerset · 05/01/2019 22:00

For god's sake don't give details. The vultures will descend and pick to bits whatever decision you did make (no matter what it was). It will be way worse than anything your DH could manage. Keep to the vague.

Agree. Also made me Grin

BoomBoomsCousin · 06/01/2019 21:43

SleepingStandingUp It's not all very different. The OP hasn't asked for a critique of her investment acumen. She's asked if making a decision on her own when her DH is aware of the issue, has been asked about it and has ignored it is reasonable. She might make a bad decision (pretty much everyone does at some point) but then she might have done if her DH had agreed too. The question isn't "Did I make an unreasonable investment?" it's "Am I unreasonable to make a decision without DH input given he ducks out of it when I ask?" There may be some detail - along the lines of how much of their wealth is involved or what level of risk she's taking on - that would colour the answer a bit for some people. But the particular decision is not relevant and in AIBU that sort of level of detail tends to just derail the original question as posters find a way to rip the OP to shreds over it.