To think people are Cruel about big’ weddings?

[MrDarcyWillBeMine]

A few wedding threads have popped up this week. Awesome, as a 2019 bride I love a good wedding thread!

However, I’m shocked and bemused by the sheer disgust MANY people openly display towards big traditional weddings. I find them very rude and small minded!

No feelings spared - plain nasty comments and even name calling! Apparently anyone who pays more than £50 to nip down their local registry office is a total ‘MUG’ and terrible person? 🤔

These nasty opinions also seems to be one sided - no ‘big weddings’ reguarlh jump in to abuse smaller cheaper ones or make crass remarks- there are plenty of ‘I’d never spend £20k on a wedding- I’d rather lick a mouldy toilet seat’ commenters

But no (very few and usually only in retaliation to abuse)
‘I’d never have a tacky function room £1k wedding - I’d rather visit a public pool 🤢’

🤔 So I can only assume that either:
A- people having cheaper wedding are generally meaner
Or
B- the abuse of large weddings is actually driven by jealousy!

With our fail it sparks a big ‘race to the bottom competition’ between commenters trying to one up each other on ‘cheapeast possible wedding’ 😒 meanwhile I just sit here thinking ‘I like my castle wedding 😬’

EVERY TYPE OF WEDDING IS LOVELY!

AIBU to think that people need to just stop being trolls and making shitty negative comments?

• I do get that weddings need to be affordable but some people CAN afford to spend £10k+ on a wedding and that’s ok!

I love a wedding where I actually like the bride and groom. Otherwise I wouldn't go. And I haven't gone, to plenty because of this.

I would hate to be spending even near that amount on a wedding. But for some people, it's everything and having one amazing special day is so important. It shouldn't matter. I don't tend to get involved in these threads, I just opened this one because I'm bored but the sentiment is right - FFS, what others do with their money and their weddings is no one else's business. Has got me wondering how much my dream wedding would cost though.

I think it is mostly jealousy. I also think that many people find spending upwards of £20k on just one day unimaginable.

We had a small wedding because a) We have a small family b) We don't have hundreds of friends c) We couldn't afford a big wedding and d) We didn't want a big wedding.

I think most of the problems are caused by couples wanting weddings that will cause a lot of inconvenience and great cost to the guests.

I like going to weddings BTW. Compared to most mumsnetters I haven't been to many. I have been to one wedding reception and one evening reception in the last 8 years.

the abuse of large weddings is actually driven by jealousy

Er no. It’s the amount of time and money you are sometimes required to put into someone else’s wedding.
Attending my brothers wedding cost me twice as much as my own wedding. (Costs included, hotel x 2 nights, hen do abroad, local hen do and present).

Seems to me the more someone spends on their wedding the more I end up shelling out attending it.

I think what worries me in the focus on the one day of the wedding, is that it is just one day, and it is the decades that follow that count. A wedding is just a day, a marriage is hopefully for life, and is full of ups and downs and twists and turns.

I think money spent on a wedding could well be used for a house deposit or more tangible things that will last longer. I wore my dress once, and it wasn't worn again until I used it for lessons when I was teaching 15 years later. Yes, I remember odd snap shots of our wedding day, but it is now almost 33 years ago. More important is the fact that we have made it through the intervening 30 plus years and dh still makes me giggle and feel loved.

@Harper

Surely it’s the people who are vulgar though - not simply the wedding?

We went to two expensive but effortlessly elegant weddings last year! Loved them!

Equally we went to 1 bright and cheerful village hall wedding that cost a fraction and that was equally lovely!

The brides had classic taste and that’s what matters 🤔

How about (c) you ignore the comments on here and just do what is right for you? Your sweeping generalisations and hyperbole not withstanding, I think you need to be a bit thicker skinned and realise it's not about you personally. It's not all about money either, it's a question of values.

@Therewillbe

Oh 😲 so I assume they sent ushers to your door to frog March you to the venue and then handcuffed you to the tables right? 😬

I don’t agree with inflicting costs onto guests but that isn’t exclusive to ‘big’ wedddings - in fact I’ve found ‘cheaper’ weddings cost us more to attend as the couple keep costs down by going further afield ‘ eloping abroad 😡😒’ or having random Tuesday term time weddings!

I don't understand why anyone is so hung up on what someone else spends.

I can say that I personally wouldn't spend 10k on a wedding because I don't like attention and I just wouldn't want to spend that amount on one day. I'm not jealous of you... I just wouldn't want that for my own wedding. It's great if you're getting the wedding you want, it's your day and that's good for you.

Everyone is entitled to have their own preferences.

How much is your wedding costing? You sound a bit defensive OP.

Friends had a massive wedding, spent a fortune, took out loads of credit, made a huge fuss and cost their guests a bucket load to attend it. It was nice! And they were still paying it off when they had to pay for the divorce which followed a couple of years later. Turned out the whole song and dance was papering over the cracks and they thought they’d talk themselves into it with all the cliches you can imagine that no one needs and few can afford.

Possibly (on MN at least) a lot of posters have been through the wedding and are well into family life. They have perspective and may feel that wedding money could be better spent on lowering mortgage, school fees etc.
We spent a lot on our wedding and, whilst it was a fantastic day, with hindsight I would rather have the money in a bank account as a university fund for the DC.

@Anne
🙄 Oh here we go .... another ‘expensive weddings end in divorce’ ‘the more you spend the less you really love each other’

UTTER Nonsense

Yes everyone knows someone who knows someone who spent £50k on a wedding and divorced a year later but how completely rude and judgmental to say/imply that!

I may as well suggest that by eloping or ‘cheaping out’ you simply don’t love your family or friends - because WHY else wouldn’t you want them to share in your joy?

so I assume they sent ushers to your door to frog March you to the venue and then handcuffed you to the tables right

Far worse, my mum was involved

It was my brothers wedding. Of course I was always going to go. And I’ve never once complained to anyone in real life about it (or any of the other weddings).
But it costs money to attend a wedding - it’s not just you splashing the cash on your big day your guests are too.

OP = GF

I do wish people would stop misinterpreting the phrase “race to the bottom”

I had a 'big' wedding. Been married 22 years. Have such incredibly fond and happy memories of my wedding day and would love to do it all again.
For me , our wedding was for us to get together with all our family and friends and acknowledge that by marrying each other we were joining two families together.
We had children, grannies and grandads, mums next door neighbour etc etc

Still happily married.

Spending tens of thousands on a wedding is just a massive waste of money. Ask any couple 5 or 10 years down the line if they thought it was a good use of all that cash and I’m pretty sure the answer will be NO.

the abuse of large weddings is actually driven by jealousy!

No, I don't think so. I'm sure a lot of the posters could afford a large wedding if they wanted one. But at the end of the day, some people just want to be married and have no desire for an extravagant party.

As a PP said, you sound defensive. Perhaps deep down you are regretting forking out so much?

I think your mixing loads of things up here, OP. And you do come across as quite defensive.

I agree with PPs who say that it's the marriage that's more important, and if you get the feeling that it's less about the relationship and more about "The Big Day" that's a bit icky (esp if - as often seems to happen - the bride is railroading the groom into things he's not comfortable with)

Of course if you can afford £££s, it's fine to spend these on your wedding day. But it can sit a bit uncomfortably if the B+G haven't got the £££s to spend in the first place and CLEARLY need other things. Seems crazy to do the whole thing up to the max if (for example) they have inadequate housing, or other basic needs.

Then there are the weddings which cost the guests shed-loads, and that's what most people on here object to. Travelling to some remote location which entails an expensive overnight stay just so the B+G can have their photos taken at some castle.

Otherwise, of course have the wedding day you wish, and I hope you have a lovely day.

I disapprove of expensive weddings, not out of meanness of jealousy, but because it tells me that the couple concerned have what I consider to be misplaced priorities, given all the better uses that money could have been put to.

p.s. sorry, was only about 10 posts when I started typing, so lots of x posts!