To think people are Cruel about big’ weddings?

[MrDarcyWillBeMine]

A few wedding threads have popped up this week. Awesome, as a 2019 bride I love a good wedding thread!

However, I’m shocked and bemused by the sheer disgust MANY people openly display towards big traditional weddings. I find them very rude and small minded!

No feelings spared - plain nasty comments and even name calling! Apparently anyone who pays more than £50 to nip down their local registry office is a total ‘MUG’ and terrible person? 🤔

These nasty opinions also seems to be one sided - no ‘big weddings’ reguarlh jump in to abuse smaller cheaper ones or make crass remarks- there are plenty of ‘I’d never spend £20k on a wedding- I’d rather lick a mouldy toilet seat’ commenters

But no (very few and usually only in retaliation to abuse)
‘I’d never have a tacky function room £1k wedding - I’d rather visit a public pool 🤢’

🤔 So I can only assume that either:
A- people having cheaper wedding are generally meaner
Or
B- the abuse of large weddings is actually driven by jealousy!

With our fail it sparks a big ‘race to the bottom competition’ between commenters trying to one up each other on ‘cheapeast possible wedding’ 😒 meanwhile I just sit here thinking ‘I like my castle wedding 😬’

EVERY TYPE OF WEDDING IS LOVELY!

AIBU to think that people need to just stop being trolls and making shitty negative comments?

• I do get that weddings need to be affordable but some people CAN afford to spend £10k+ on a wedding and that’s ok!

Well to be fair it is kind of a waste of money. Our wedding cost about 15k and although it was very nice I wish in a way we'd just done a registry office and pub and used the money towards a house deposit or whatever. It was just a day and it's our actual marriage that matters not the wedding day itself. If you're loaded and can afford it then who cares I guess but maybe people are just saying don't go mad!

I think it’s a terrible waste of money if you spend thousands on just one day.

DH and I married in July 2017 and spent £35k. We were fortunate in that we could spend that amount and not be in debt or deny ourselves all of the other things people claim they would rather spend their money on (paying off a mortgage or a car, for example)

My MIL still makes the occasional dig that "you couldn't have spent anymore on your wedding day" - well actually we could have. But that the budget we chose and that's what we spent. It didn't impact on anyone else. It also meant we covered some costs for our guests (we subsidised the costs of the rooms at the venue) and the wedding party.

I would have still married DH if we could have only afforded a registry office and a haribo ring! But we chose to spend more.

Last year there were 2 other weddings in our friendship group. 1 quite similar to ours in style but maybe around £15k-£20k in budget and another where the couple chose to marry in a huge house in wales (they live in Sheffield) as it was cheaper for them to hire the house and do everything themselves (which meant we incurred more costs as guests) they male side of the wedding party even wore the suits from our wedding to save money. Both of those weddings were just as beautiful as ours. Because budget doesn't matter at the end of the day, the wedding is about the couple

We had a big-ish wedding. 13 years later we are still very much in love. However, I would not spend that on a wedding again. Although saying that, it was my parents who paid and in all honesty it was my parents' day not ours (I'm now NC with my parents for various reasons). I do have lovely memories of the day but in all honesty, no lovelier than other special occasions, and I look back on the pictures and whilst my expensive dress and manicured hair look all glam, it really wasn't me. That being said, it's each to their own and I have no opinion if someone else wants to spend a lot - just putting it out there that it's not always all it's cracked up to be having that expensive wedding.

So you are getting married this year Op?
I hope you have the day you've dreamed of.

Come back in 5/10/15 years and let us know if you feel the same.

People give their opinion based on their experience...... as in been there done that.

I don't even know hundreds of people that I feel close to who I'd want to witness such a special event.

I got married in a castle too btw. 40 guests (all people who actually love DH and me) we've never really added it all up but I think it'd be about 4K for everything.

I'm in my 50's and don't have a single friend or family member still married to their first spouse.

I know this is off topic but I do find this incredible. I am the same age and most of my family and closest friends are still married - a few divorces, but many are still together after 20+ years, including me & DH.

Anyway, OP, you may not be aware how much the wedding industry has changed and mutated over the last 20 - 30 years - nobody used to spend so much on a wedding and there was far less consumer tat associated with the process. So at my age the kind of big wedding you are having looks mad and silly, but really what does it matter what I think? It is up to you what you spend your money on (personally it sounds like a waste of £20K to me) and what matters is that you have a long and happy marriage. Good luck!

Woah OP - you sound way over the top about this.

I've not really been to many huge weddings myself. They didn't seem to be a thing 25 - 30 years ago. And I really loved all the weddings I went to - I dont think we missed out by not being surrounded by lots of guests we didnt know. And I'm bemused by all the extras that now seem part and parcel of the experience - hen trips abroad, party favours and all that stuff. It seems very marketing driven and not much about love and respect and future happiness.

And as a divorcee, I will never be able to afford to put a huge amount into my DCs weddings and I'd rather they spent their money on getting a deposit for a home (in London thats going to be a huge ask!).

By the way, did you really say I'm sure we all know people who spent £50,000 on a wedding? That was a joke right?

I'd never slag off someone's wedding choices, but honestly, the couple of really expensive (20k-ish) weddings I've been to have been the least fun. Not convinced that the marriages will last either.

The most expensive weddings I’ve been to as a guest have been based on distance not generally on level of spend. The poster that talks about a pub wedding in London being cheap would actually be quite expensive for lots of people to attend from outside of London as most people have a lot of friends and family with a wide geographic spend.

My two most expensive weddings were abroad because my friends lived there- not because they were being flashy. The other two most expensive weddings were at the far ends of the country (because they lived there), one of which was done on the cheap.

I think that once you've got married then you kind of realise that the money you spend isn't important or whether you get married in a castle or a pub. You're still just as married as the other person at the end of the day.

Just sayin'
I've been to a very expensive wedding, someone close family wise. DH and I worked out it probably cost between £50K and £80K. Not joking.

I have to say, it was the most fabulous magical day for guests. No idea if the bride enjoyed it as much as I did! I can't imagine I will ever go to a wedding quite like that again. The attention to detail was just something else.

Bearing in mind, it was in a fairy lit marquee, you can imagine how fab it was. We worked out what it would've cost knowing how much the marquee was, the evening band (best ever), the lighting, the food, the numbers there, the little detail.

Up to them. They (the parents!) can afford it. No idea how much the couple contributed.

I may as well suggest that by eloping or ‘cheaping out’ you simply don’t love your family or friends - because WHY else wouldn’t you want them to share in your joy

Because my wedding day was about me & my lovely DH, no one else.

I shared the joy dozens of times over when we saw friends & family on our return. It was wonderful.

You already posted saying eloping was your #1 choice... Sounds like you're having doubts about your big wedding and feeling defensive, OP. Is it too late to change?

It's either that or you're just enjoying being a goady fuck.

I think it’s the insanity that tends to surround weddings that make people go wtf? And usually if you’ve put a lot of money in to then you have expectations to make it look and be the most perfect day ever.

I’m from a poor working class background so the family weddings I have been to are usually done for cheap budget. It wasn’t a race to the bottom and they weren’t horrible affairs. I hate parties and the sort but the last one I went to had a really nice atmosphere. The week before we were helping out and finishing making the wedding decorations and wedding favours. There was a real easy, community and family feel to the whole experience.

You are quite defensive OP, if you’re happy with something and you think it’s the right choice then who cares what people say? Perhaps don’t tell them the cost. Or maybe you do care and you’re trying to defend the choices and doubts from yourself.

You sound very angry OP. My wedding was considerably more expensive but I honestly don't care what random strangers on the internet think. All i know is that our families, friends and dh and i had a fantastic day and we would absolutely do it all again in a heartbeat. The one thing i would say is that if you're going to spend that kind of money on the wedding, is that money being spent on just making sure your day is very special or are you also making sure that your guests feel equally special? Ime that's the difference between a classy wedding expensive wedding and a vulgar expensive wedding.

I know this is off topic but I do find this incredible Well clearly just the rabble I associate with then. But jolly good for you

Personally I am not bothered at all how much somebody spends on their own wedding. The couple will do what is right for them and we are going to see their love and celebrate their marriage.

I am bothered though by how much it costs me to attend. Hen night plans, is the wedding abroad, dress regulations, inflated drink prices, expensive hotel we need to stay at etc

"A- people having cheaper wedding are generally meaner

AIBU to think that people need to just stop being trolls and making shitty negative comments?"

😂😂😂😂

The only people I know who have had big weddings can either actually afford them (very very few couples here) or they are a bit common/insecure about not having a massive amount of money/downright tacky. The general rule isi believe if you have your own castle then by all means save money on a venue and have your wedding there but if you don’t you aren’t fooling anyone by hiring one. I just makes you look common.

We had a big wedding years ago and it was an amazing day. Surely everyone does what they want to/afford.
No point going into debt over it though

I got married about 18 months ago, wedding cost £27k but we were lucky in that my parents paid for the wedding (£22k) and my in laws put £5k behind the bar so that drinks were free all night.

We paid for our rings and our honeymoon (£6k for both)

I don't regret a single thing about my wedding I had an amazing day and I wouldn't have changed a thing. It wasn't massively expensive for the majority of our guests (apart from family who came from abroad) but we have them over a year to save for flights.

I think it's unfair to say big weddings are tacky. If my husband and I had had to pay for it ourselves it would have been considerably smaller and cheaper, but we didn't so it wasn't small.

You do sound very defensive OP. I've seen a few threads now where you seem to have taken great offense to people saying they wouldn't choose to spend a large sum on a wedding (which is not a personal attack on you!).

I think suggesting people are jealous is a bit silly to be honest and makes me wonder if you just desperately want us all to know how much money you have...

I think we have to turn to a study by two economics professors Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M Mialon who surveyed 3,000 couples and found that, yes, the amount spent on the wedding - and engagement ring - correlates with the likelihood of divorce.

www.you.co.uk/spend-more-on-wedding-divorce/

So, be prudent and improve your chances of a marriage that lasts!

with two passing jakeys as witnesses Are you Scottish Reanimated ?

The lady doth protest too much, methinks.

I love going to weddings, they're a lot of fun, I get to dress up and have a nice day out and hopefully a nice meal.

However what baffles me is the amount people spend in order to have a wedding that is absolutely identical to everyone else's. Spending thousands on table centrepieces and favours that no one ever notices.

There seems to be a wedding checklist now of daft things that every couple must spend a fortune on in order to make their wedding exactly the same as every other wedding (photo booths, sweet trolleys etc.) I personally think it's a bit mad to spend all that money on things that don't matter, are all the same and no one will remember, but that doesn't mean I don't go to the weddings and enjoy them!