AIBU To think the Family Court is not fit for purpose?

[Notwiththeseknees]

The Judge has seen fit to name Ellie Yarrow, the mother who has fled with her three year old son. Reading the heartbreaking letter from Ellie that her sister posted on Facebook, AIBU to think that this secretive court who are responsible for some dreadful decisions, is no longer fit for purpose.

www.facebook.com/1311698241/posts/10216464513147988/

This is a very sad story and I believe her. I also believe the justice system is inherited misogynistic. That said, I feel court proceedings should remain private because children deserve that. However, they also deserve to be protected from abusive and manipulative parents. I don’t know what the answer is.

The family is a joke! I worked with a family where CAFCASS only visited the child twice in a six month period. Based their recommendations on those visits. Needless to say mum didn’t stand a chance.

Hefffalump, not necessarily. It means that the Court gets to decide the next steps, as soon as they are found, as opposed to them being found and then it going to Court.

It means that the Father can't claim him straight back and SS be made to hand him to him, because he has PR.

It's a protective measure for everyone.

" I also believe the justice system is inherited misogynistic."

And yet, Fathers are often overlooked, in some cases.

Baby P's Dad kidnapped him and it was that, which meant he was legally cut out of his life.

No we don’t know the full ins and outs .Hiwever if even a quarter of what she put in that letter about abuse is true then the Dad needs some serious looking into.

If she was my daughter I would probably move heaven and earth to protect her from him.

The court is stuck between a rock and a hard place here. They have no evidence that this child and mother are alive so of course they will speak of “grave concern”. They have no option but to place the child at the focus of everything.

Ellie has run to goodness knows where with her child because she thought her child would be removed. That’s not right but I can understand why she has done it. I can tell you now as mother of a son that wild horses would not have separated my child from me if I thought he was at risk. Thankfully my son’s father is not a controlling abusive idiot.

Whatever his side of the story there are red flags everywhere. I think that’s what is making people very suspicious of him.

I'm lucky and I got a no contact order.

It shouldn't be luck that has meant I have been able to keep my children safe. I admin a DV group and there are some absolutely disgusting horror stories.

O e lady her ex manipulated a social worker into believing she was lying. Court awarded the man full custody. The mother this week has had to spend hours in hospital and at police stations because her ten year old was viciously assaulted by her ex and his new wife. All because her ex manipulated one person her child was nearly killed

The whole system isn't fit for purpose and the likes of fatbers4justice make courts afraid to protect children.

Mctufty these cases can and do end up with a child being placed into care.

I saw the father on the news about half an hour ago when I had the TV on.

They referenced the fact the mum had written a letter but only repeated one line of it which said "I'll never let my son come to harm"

I can understand why, if there's currently no evidence of the abuse she's claimed, they have to be careful before labelling him an abuser - but as it stands the reportings seem heaviy on the father's side and "poor him"

There's no reason to disbelieve her side of events (I believe her completely and recognise alot of what she wrote from my own abusive past relationship) so it must be crushing for her to see reporters sat pandering to his control if this is all about him using the system to continually abuse her.

I don't think running was the best thing to do at the time but I don't blame her one bit for doing it.

There's clearly a massive power imbalance and she felt she stood no chance against him.

I wish her and her little boy the best of luck. Ideally she'll get herself a good solicitor who will fight her case, explore the accusations of abuse and consider the possibility that the father has been manipulative, thus ensuring she and her little one stay together.

I wonder if she's been on MN and had her ducks rowed before she left. Perhaps she had time to set up a separate bank account and they are being supported by friends/family.

bugsymalonemumof2

Technically any case can ultimately convert to public law proceedings and end with a child being placed in care but there is nothing to suggest that was remotely on the cards here. Her stated concern was that the appointment of a guardian was a precursor to foster care. There can be argument; that is false.

It isn’t necessarily false. In one hearing I supported the parents were told that a guardian would be appointed and that if after that the parents still couldn’t resolve the issue between them, the court would explore the options available, up to and including placing the child in care.

My personal feeling based on the letter is that the mother here has misunderstood but it’s possible that a similar threat was made.

No mention is made of him abusing the other children and presumably they would be old enough to answer questions about his parenting.

I think she had taken the solicitors worse case scenario as being what will happen and panicked. Ultimately they will be found I'm sure.

@RedHelenB

Have you read her letter? She talks about the other children and their mum in it....

Sorry missmalice I disagree. Reading the letter, which I know from your posts that you have, she says she has been told that the appointment of a guardian “goes hand in hand” with foster care. That is just untrue. In the vast majority of private law cases where a guardian is appointed the child will not end up in foster care, and if it ever has happened (and I never heard of it) it is likely matters escalated somewhat after the appointment.

Private law guardians are appointed for particular reasons, which don’t include placing a child in foster care. She has misunderstood and I cannot believe she got this misunderstanding from the high court judge.

So while I could write a great many posts on the problems with the family court, I don’t think they can be blamed for this.

What she needs is a damn good lawyer. Someone who is shit hot on coercive control, abuse and family law. Someone who will mediate for return and fight her corner. Fleeing is not the answer but I don't blame her. Having read her letter, she was young, out of her depth, controlled by a stronger older man who presumably undermined every last bit of confidence she had, frightened and just could not cope with handling the pressure of fighting him in court.
She could see no way out except running.
I do hope someone steps forwards to advocate her case for her and persuaded his ex to come forward and speak about her experience s with him. Strikes me, he is not used to not getting his own way.

@mctuffy the impression I got is that her ex told her the son would be taken into care and he would be making sure that it happened.

Ellie claims that her own solicitor / lawyer told her that the way her ex has painted her the judge believe Ellie has inflicted emotional abuse on Ollie and that appointing a guardian will be the first step in her son being put into foster care.

Ellie believed her son would be taken into care. If the above is true then I understand her decision to run. I hope Ellie and son are safe.

Another thread (in AIBU) on this subject has been deleted by MNHQ, citing another existing thread (in In The News), and yet this thread is still up. I felt the deletion was a shame, given the number of mostly positive posts from pps with personal or professional experiences on the thread.

I'm reluctant to post on another thread that might be deleted.

I would say, from professional experience and from personal experience with a couple of people close to me, that the Family Court doesn't always get it wrong, but generally speaking it is not fit for purpose. I would certainly include CAFCAS in this, and in particular around their and the Family Court's approach to mothers who have experienced Domestic Abuse including coercive control.

I can understand, if you haven't had close personal or professional experience, then it is difficult and sometimes impossible to understand the level of despair at the system that mothers like Ellie end up feeling, and why. Good people sometimes do desperate things, especially in order to protect their children or themselves, when they feel no one is listening or protecting them.

When someone alleges abuse like this, you don't have to immediately believe them, no. But what you must do is listen to them, take them seriously, and protect them while a proper and thorough investigation is undertaken. It sounds to me like that has been sorely lacking in this tragic case.

I read that bit MrsWillGardner but it seemed a bit vague. A court would eat specifics. If the acrual children spoke to social services it might make things clearer to the court.

If she's receiving legal aid then the court has accepted she's suffered domestic abuse.What is now being decided is level of contact. As the child lives with the mother and SS presumably have no concerns about her as a parent then there are no grounds for the father to have full custody. And certainly not for the child to go into care.

Have a lot of local friends that’s general opinion is she should flee.
This will never end well now unfortunately.
I 100 percent agree with her letter but the media are being very bias towards the father. The courts are on fathers side so right now there is no change this going her way :(

If she's receiving legal aid then the court has accepted she's suffered domestic abuse

No, that's not how it works. By definition, the decision whether she is entitled to legal aid has to be made before the court has made any decisions, to enable her to be represented in the court proceedings. It's basically up to the solicitors to decide whether there is evidence of domestic violence.

Well worth reading is The Secret Barrister, the author explains the real effect of legal aid cuts, even if you find yourself entitled to legal aid, the cuts have had such an effect on the industry that the quality/competence of representation is hazy.
Courts are behind the times and Ellie is one of many vulnerable people who find themselves victim to that

Just picked up on this thread.....I’ve been reading quite a bit elsewhere. There seems to be a lot of conflicting information flying everywhere.
Can anyone explain why Ellie’s family have set up a go fund me page under the heading justice for Ellie and then ask for money for themselves.

Surly the family should be at least asking for funds to help Ellie so she can goto court and make her voice heard. None of this makes sense

Windywe my understanding is that the GoFundMe page is to raise money for legal representation for the sister and mother who are being taken to the High Court for hiding information.

Seems entirely reasonable to publicly identify kidnappers
Yes, let's tell all the predators about a vulnerable woman and child who are already considered missing. Nice work from a judge who has 'the best interests of the child' in mind

I live locally to this girl (or did before she fled). Have heard from someone who knows the family that her comments about having to bring the child back from holiday because she didn’t get Dad’s permission to take him are true. They went to Disneyland in Florida I believe and Dad went mental when he found out she’d taken him out of the country...got straight into court and she was told to come home three days before the holiday was due to end. Heard that from someone who knows the people who went.

So poor little boy, his fun holiday in Disneyland was cut short because Daddy threw a tantrum and his need to be an arsehole to his ex overrides the little boy’s fun. What a good Dad he is eh?

God forbid daddy should have to put his feelings aside to benefit his own child.