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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have spoken to manager at nursery

84 replies

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2019 09:28

DD, 2, is in the baby room at nursery which has 4 key workers in it. We are generally happy with the nursery, few niggles but it's fine.

There is one key worker in her room who always gives me "looks" when I'm in there. I'm a sensitive person that hates this sort of thing and I always found myself wondering what I've done. I know I've stepped in by mistake with shoes on before and she has glared at me, but I've taken them off asap. She is not DD's specific key worker - just a girl in the room.

DD only goes once a week ATM due to space. They are giving her more days as they become available. So I'm only there once a week.

Today I mentioned to the manager the attitude of the keyworker makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I don't want that unsettling DD. I told her I didn't want to make this a big deal, but asked - is there something I'm doing wrong? I feel like I probably shouldn't have asked her. But Today, i dropped her off again and asked if they could give her a particular item on the menu to give her for lunch if ok. It was the normal time and we weren't late. She glared at me and said "I'll see if we have any left." In a weird tone. That was it. So I thought, are we late? Should I have asked in a different way?

What makes me think she doesn't like me is that she is more than warm to other mum's and their kids. I've seen it.

What do you think? I feel like I've probably been a bit hasty but I'm sick of feeling annoyed and frustrated every time I leave.

This post was edited by MNHQ

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 04/01/2019 09:29

I think you’re giving this more headspace than it needs.

Sirzy · 04/01/2019 09:31

To me it sounds like your overthinking things. Easily done!

Akire · 04/01/2019 09:32

A member of staff should act same with everyone so if she is “off” and it’s upsetting you then I can see why you would bring it up. Leaving kids is stressful enough without that. Hopefully she will have a word and it will improve though realistically may only be to be “extra nice” to your face. But still sounds an improvement!

Original poster

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2019 09:33

That's what I was worried about. So have I rocked the boat...I don't want my DD to suffer because of it!

OP posts:

RolyRocks · 04/01/2019 09:35

Based on what you have said, I am going to say YABU. All this based on a look? (Look up resting bitch face!!)
You say you are a sensitive person and I think that this is your issue internalised in your own mind and this has made it bigger than it really is, to you.
Not sure what you were expecting the manager to say when you approached them with what you are doing wrong.
Some people are just not smiley people. I have a nursery worker who never seems to smile but my DD adores her and she does her job very well.
I’d take a step back from this and not give this person another thought. Focus on your DD’s care itself, instead.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 04/01/2019 09:36

You're over thinking this. I have crippling anxiety and always think other people are looking at me/talking to me differently. They're not, it's me.

Original poster

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2019 09:36

Yes most of them are lovely to your face, this one does have "resting bitch face" (only way I can describe it), to me.

Part of me thinks, because we are only in once a week, we are not doing something right with the "routine" (?!) and it's bugging her. When we were doing our settles she was absolutely fine and I didn't think it would be an issue.

OP posts:

Akire · 04/01/2019 09:37

I seem to be only one saying you are not making a fuss... but I’m an ex nursery worker and I’ve seen it plenty of times. Staff get paid to look after child and be professional that didn’t include making parents feel uncomfortable or on edge. Not acceptable in any job especially when you are leaving your child. They not take it out on your child. I just mean if anything they will do over nice to your face in future so you can’t say anything. Still false but an improvement.

BarbarianMum · 04/01/2019 09:39

But does she have resting bitch face to everyone or just you?

Akire · 04/01/2019 09:41

Op has said she is more than warm to other kids and mums. So not simply just the way she looks.

Original poster

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2019 09:42

Just me - she's smiley with everyone else. When I walk in there she says nothing, just glares in an exasperated way.

Like I said at her settles she was really nice so she's done a complete 360.

OP posts:

Scabetty · 04/01/2019 09:42

Time to stop being sensitive otherwise it will get worse as your dc goes through school. Are you bright and breezy with all staff? Maybe she feels you treat her differently; she may be a bit sensitive too. I think complaining was unnecessary as she wasn’t actually rude to you was she?

Original poster

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2019 09:43

I didn't position it as a complaint - more "is there something I can do better because clearly something is wrong"...

OP posts:

indecisivepigeon · 04/01/2019 09:44

Very hard to prove someone “looked at you the wrong way”

What will they say to her? Stop looking at KimchiLaLa the way you do.

Sparklesocks · 04/01/2019 09:44

You seem to be basing this solely on facial expressions and tone of voice so it’s difficult for anyone else to assess. I think you are reading too much into it, maybe you saw her once on an off day early on and now analyse all of her behaviour in that way as a sort of confirmation bias? Or that she’s just a bit stand off-ish generally? How is she with other people? If you’ve done nothing wrong and barely interacted with her then it’s unlikely you’ve upset her in some way.

Anonalongadingdong123 · 04/01/2019 09:45

When you drop off/pick up do you ever have a quick chat with the people that work there (apart from what you've mentioned)? I'm not a naturally chatty person but sometimes making a bit of an effort to make small talk (about the weather/something new in the nursery that looks nice) can sometimes help. I think if the other parents are there more often than you then they've naturally built up a better relationship which is not your fault so don't worry too much. I just know I used to always be in a rush dropping my first child off and rarely acknowledged the staff as people which I now realise was rude of me!

Scabetty · 04/01/2019 09:45

What have you done to exasperate her?

Scabetty · 04/01/2019 09:52

Sometimes we never know what we have done but if you interact well with others usually you need to just continue as normal and she may warm up. You just can’t fathom some folk

Original poster

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2019 09:54

Anonlong actually yes I do! I always go in and drop DD off properly, they ask how she's been, we talk about that, there may be a few handover bits to discuss, over Xmas I asked them in particular how quiet it was etc etc. I'm not someone who has issues socially, yes I can be sensitive but I have enough friends, friendly colleagues etc...

This post was edited by MNHQ

OP posts:

Original poster

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2019 09:57

Scabetty I don't know. I have walked in with my shoes on before. But I realised and took them off. I'm not constantly complaining to them about X, Y and Z. We are never late collecting her. The only thing I can think of is the shoes. That seems to have annoyed her. But I see other parents dropping their kids off as I leave and saying "oh can you just give them X to eat!" And that is met with a perfectly lovely response from others, like "ok sure!!".

This post was edited by MNHQ

OP posts:

BlackCatSleeping · 04/01/2019 10:04

Just ignore it. Go in, say good morning and drop off as usual.

Bobaboutwhat · 04/01/2019 10:09

What was the managers response when you initially brought it up OP?

Scabetty · 04/01/2019 10:12

I agree, drop and ignore. If she looks exasperated again ask her what is wrong. She may just have a resting bitch face

Original poster

KimchiLaLa · 04/01/2019 10:13

What was the managers response when you initially brought it up OP?

She was really lovely actually. Said she didn't want me feeling that way and that she will talk to the girl in question. I said it wasn't something I felt from the other girls and they were great.

OP posts:

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 04/01/2019 10:18

YABU and oversensitive.

My thinking is that you’d totally invented her dislike of you and “looks” towards you, because you’re sensitive, but now the manager has had a word with the key worker it’s made things awkward and unpleasant for her because she wasn’t doing anything wrong yet was pulled up.

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