To have spoken to manager at nursery

[KimchiLaLa]

DD, 2, is in the baby room at nursery which has 4 key workers in it. We are generally happy with the nursery, few niggles but it's fine.

There is one key worker in her room who always gives me "looks" when I'm in there. I'm a sensitive person that hates this sort of thing and I always found myself wondering what I've done. I know I've stepped in by mistake with shoes on before and she has glared at me, but I've taken them off asap. She is not DD's specific key worker - just a girl in the room.

DD only goes once a week ATM due to space. They are giving her more days as they become available. So I'm only there once a week.

Today I mentioned to the manager the attitude of the keyworker makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I don't want that unsettling DD. I told her I didn't want to make this a big deal, but asked - is there something I'm doing wrong? I feel like I probably shouldn't have asked her. But Today, i dropped her off again and asked if they could give her a particular item on the menu to give her for lunch if ok. It was the normal time and we weren't late. She glared at me and said "I'll see if we have any left." In a weird tone. That was it. So I thought, are we late? Should I have asked in a different way?

What makes me think she doesn't like me is that she is more than warm to other mum's and their kids. I've seen it.

What do you think? I feel like I've probably been a bit hasty but I'm sick of feeling annoyed and frustrated every time I leave.

This post was edited by MNHQ

Given your update, it sounds like she just doesn’t know you well enough yet. When my son started nursery most of the other parents had been using the nursery for years with older siblings and they were super friendly with staff. Some staff knew parents/children from outside of the nursery as well, neighbours/family/whatever. Also, the senior key worker usually has a higher workload so maybe she’s just busy/stressed. Sure you’ll get it sorted.

Totally different when it's a MIL or a colleague that you think might be giving you funny looks as you have a relationship of sorts with them. You know what they're like in general. The OP doesn't know this woman at all. Hopefully things will change now that she's brought it up though.

I see there is a lot of mixed opinions here. yes i was looking for perspective. im glad the manager took it seriously, she is generally known as being reasonable/professional...

my biggest fear is that DD (and i) are now somehow going to suffer because of my chat.

i do regret saying i was sensitive in my op! yes i am, but im not the bundle of nerves some posters have read that as!

I've had a loooong history of dealing with nursery workers and 99% of them have been absolutely lovely. However over the years there's been one or two grumpy ones. I don't take it personally, I just think that like most people, some can be a bit "off" in how they come across. I doubt you've done anything wrong but I would challenge her pleasantly in future. Be ready to do this so you aren't left standing with your mouth open (my usual trick when caught unawares). For example "I'll see if we have any left" in a wierd tone - I'd (be ready to) say "Oh. Is it a problem?" You don't have to confront directly as in "You said that in a wierd tone, what's wrong with you/me?" But just be ready for her to say something in a bit of a snotty tone and be ready for you to subtly pick her up on it. Have something to say back. Often people like that won't try it again when you assert yourself. She will likely already have been told by the manager to watch her attitude so whatever you do, don't go in all apologetic. You are a paying customer and she is a professional and so there should be mutual respect.

If the manager doesn’t be say anything to you before your next pick up (either on collection tonight or with a phone call) I’d speak to her again and tell her that unless this is sorted, you’ll be looking at moving DD because you will not be made to feel uncomfortable in a place where you are trusting people with your DD. Explain you don’t simply want the girl to be told to ‘behave’, you want to know what her issue is with you.

It’s unacceptable.

OP, you are making too much out of this.

Also remember that people who work in nurseries are not in the top league, they haven't learned how not to gurn or use body language.

However they love kids regardless of the parents.

So stop worrying! Who cares if some nursery worker doesn't always appear to like you.

thanks, that's kind of how i have felt about nursery before dd actually started there - we are paying customers, but somehow it never feels like that. but like i said, the manager herself is great and probably a better representation of what that nursery is like than the one individual. the more junior key workers are lovely, seem to genuinely like spending time with the babies and toddlers. yes, im sure her workload is significant - so is mine! im a mother to a baby and work full time, and i would hate for anyone to tell me im being unprofessional by making it clear i have disdain for a parent/colleague/etc.

No point in worrying further OP. You felt the need to talk to the manager and she took your concerns seriously. Next time you go in, smile at everyone and see how she is with you. Hopefully she will smile back!

Ilovechristmaslights i dont need her to follow up with me specifically because i had a two min chat with her and it wasnt made out to be a massive deal - it was more like, "can i do something better?". i dont want her to make it a whole formal thing.

And Kim I'm sure your DD won't suffer. If anything she will watch her step because her attitude has been picked up on.

I know the feeling though. I did mention a grumpy attitude of a nursery worker to the manager and she was defensive and said the girls were tired as they worked very hard (?) but after that the nursery worker was better.

I agree with a PP who said don’t go in and be all apologetic. You had a word because the worker was being unprofessional. You want it sorted and you make no apologies for that.
There will be no consequences for your DD because the worker will know you’ve spoken to her manager so there’s less chance of anything falling back on your family now!
Don’t worry about it (so hard to do, easy for us to say!)

Sounds like a fairly grim nursery. Can you find another one?

its not, its a nice nursery - i have no issues apart from this staff member.

This would upset me too.
It's hard enough leaving your child in someone else's care.
I'm a big over-thinker myself and would feel exactly the same as you do - going over every little thing and wondering if I have slipped up somewhere.

It may just be a misunderstanding and hopefully the manager will reassure you that it is nothing you have done.
Sometimes it's good just to clear the air and get things back on track

When are you next there?

Well if she has a resting bitch face perhaps she shouldn't be working with kids. To do that you have to be animated and fun loving. She sounds the total opposite. I'm sorry but I wouldn't want her caring for my kids.
You find that intimaditing as an adult imsgibe what its like for the kids.

i dont want her to make it a whole formal thing

But you have made it formal. You have made it a 'thing'. That poor girl! Why didn't you speak to her privately first before going above her head to her manager? That will now cloud her professional judgement of her going forward.

Maybe she just doesn't like you. Maybe she doesn't like you walking into the baby's room with your shoes on. So what? One person in the world doesn't like you. Get over it!

If she doesn't like the OP, that's no excuse for rudeness towards customers, though, @GreenFingersWouldBeHandy she should be polite and professional. I used to work as a legal secretary; some of the clients used to be very rude on the phone (shooting the messenger!), but if I'd bee rude back or glared at them when they came for an appointment, I would have been in a lot of trouble.

I also know what it's like to have someone apparently dislike me for an unknown reason. I had a colleague like that once; she used to ignore me and pretend I wasn't there (she was friendly with other people there). Others were perfectly friendly so I just ignored her after a while. It was her problem at the end of the day.

But a colleague is one thing, a client is another. She shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable like that.

@Lizzie48 to be honest it sounds to me as if it's the other way around; the OP seems to have some problem with her. For no reason other than she 'makes her feel uncomfortable'. No real reason and we only have her take on it. I just think it's totally unfair to go over her head to management before talking to her about it in person.

my biggest fear is that DD (and i) are now somehow going to suffer because of my chat.

If it is a decent nursery, this will not happen. All nurseries tend to have a policy of never blaming a child for any issue with the parent.

‍🤷🏻‍♀️well, if you don’t actually want to do anything to sort it out, you’ll just have to put up with it won’t you. It’s not going to magically sort itself out because you’ve posted on here.

I actually trust your judgement. Non verbal communication can be even more important than words and you’ve obvs picked something up. Maybe being sensitive means that you’re tuned into that more than it being a negative.

Whether you’ve imagined it or not though you’re paying for a service and shouldn’t have to feel on edge at drop off / pick up so I’m glad you’ve said something!

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Why do you automatically assume that the OP is imagining it?

@Lizzie48 I never said she was imagining it. If you read my post, I actually said maybe this girl really doesn't like her for some reason. But so what?

It affects her life for what, 20 seconds at pick up, once a week?

That's no reason to dob her in to the management. It's like telling tales at school for god's sake. "I don't think she likes me, miss.' That's no reason to get someone in trouble professionally. They are paid to look after the children, not brown-nose the parents.

GreenFingers you're really invested in this. An issue that some random person online has.

Chill out.