To have spoken to manager at nursery

[KimchiLaLa]

DD, 2, is in the baby room at nursery which has 4 key workers in it. We are generally happy with the nursery, few niggles but it's fine.

There is one key worker in her room who always gives me "looks" when I'm in there. I'm a sensitive person that hates this sort of thing and I always found myself wondering what I've done. I know I've stepped in by mistake with shoes on before and she has glared at me, but I've taken them off asap. She is not DD's specific key worker - just a girl in the room.

DD only goes once a week ATM due to space. They are giving her more days as they become available. So I'm only there once a week.

Today I mentioned to the manager the attitude of the keyworker makes me feel a bit uncomfortable and I don't want that unsettling DD. I told her I didn't want to make this a big deal, but asked - is there something I'm doing wrong? I feel like I probably shouldn't have asked her. But Today, i dropped her off again and asked if they could give her a particular item on the menu to give her for lunch if ok. It was the normal time and we weren't late. She glared at me and said "I'll see if we have any left." In a weird tone. That was it. So I thought, are we late? Should I have asked in a different way?

What makes me think she doesn't like me is that she is more than warm to other mum's and their kids. I've seen it.

What do you think? I feel like I've probably been a bit hasty but I'm sick of feeling annoyed and frustrated every time I leave.

This post was edited by MNHQ

Well as far as I know she hasn't had a word yet! The convo with her happened this morning and I haven't picked DD up since then!

I asked everyone's opinions in a nice way. No need to take it so personally in your response.

Someone looked crooked at me. Let's start a whole thread about it.

What sort of look? Vacant or actually annoyed at you?

I think you were right to mention it. It might be something and nothing, but if there’s an atmosphere between you and that member of staff then it’s better that the manager knows. I suspect she will make more effort to be pleasant now, doesn’t matter if it’s genuine or not.

You’ve gone to a manager because you think they look at you a bit off? Wow.
You’re going to find the school years a challenge op. Time to start ignoring.

I asked everyone's opinions in a nice way. No need to take it so personally in your response.

Sure, and I responded. Doing so with an answer you may not like doesn’t mean I’m “taking it personally”

I think you need to work on your sensitivities as you’re going to struggle with normal conversations and behaviours until you do. It would be ideal to do it before your child grows any older else they might end up with the same unfortunate sensitivities that hinder normal functioning too.

OP plenty of WhatToDoAboutWailmer types at the school gates speaking their minds and telling you it’s your problem 😂

I think you handled it well by asking the manager if you were doing something wrong. You’ve asked if you need to change your behaviour. I would feel like you do, she obviously has a problem with you from what you’ve said, and it makes a bad atmosphere. You don’t want your dc feeling that vibe from you when you are leaving her as she will subconsciously associate nursery with mummy being uncomfortable and that is not going to help her feel settled there.
As people have said you may find she starts being “sweetly nice” which is just as uncomfortable or she may actually start being professional.

Reading back my last post it looks like I’m saying I feel you need to change your behaviour, that’s not what I meant, I meant I would also feel uncomfortable like you do!

That's going to go so well

Manager: Kimi says you look at her wrongly.
Everyone: Wtf?

I think you're being oversensitive. She probably senses you're being a bit weird with her and is wondering what you've done. Pick up and drop off can be really stressful and busy. I wouldn't think any more of it. Just talk to someone else if you need to relay a message.

You’re completely overthinking this.

I’m glad the Manager acted in a kind and professional way OP and hopefully what ever the issue is with this member of staff it is sorted out. I dont agree at all with some people saying it is down to being too sensitive If you have realised that her negative manner towards you isn’t her general manner with everyone (not that this would be good either) it is human nature to think you are being singled out for some reason. It is part of her job to make ALL parents feel welcome to secure a positive nursery/parent relationship for the sake of the children above anything else. Hope you get a good outcome from this OP x

Oh Snoz lay off the OP. She’s come on here for some perspective about something that’s making her feel really weird and uncomfortable.

OP, I totally understand the anxiety side of things and it is easier said than done to just tell you to ignore her. Just in your head every day tell yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong, this is her problem. You don’t need to be liked by everyone, for some reason she’s decided to give you stink eye and no one else so she’s clearly not worth your time and energy worrying about her.
Just don’t even look at her when you go to collect your DD. I hope it goes ok x

That would put me off as well if I thought someone was 'off' with me. What are the other workers like with you - nowadays I think nurseries have CCTV so I think your daughter will be safe. I also think you were right to bring it up with the manager.

It might be something and it might not. We'd have to be there to know what the look really was. It does sound like the OP is quite sensitive though.

Not sure how this will pan out now though, this woman is going to be spoken to by her manager and will most likely be upset by this accusation. It's going to be awkward for the OP in the future that's for sure.

I dont think YABU. Everyone on here must be bundles of joy who loves everyone around them because most people can definitely tell if somebody doesn't like you. It's unsettling if you're not aware you've done anything to warrant that attitude. I'd have had a word, too. If it does affect your DD in any way that is also highly unprofessional.

I know what you mean op. There's someone I work with who treats people in different ways. With some people she's smiley and friendly. With others (including me) she's cold and aloof. It's hard to put into words, but it's obvious when you're being treated like that.

The worker will only be upset by being spoken to if she really isn’t giving any dirty looks and being warm to some parents and not nice to others.
Could be the wake up call the worker needs to be professional with every parent that comes in.

Oh come on, are all these posters saying that you can't tell when someone likes you or they don't?
Or when they treat you a bit worse than others?
Most people can tell and be right to a high degree.
No, everyone here thinks she is BU yet the internet is full of people questioning whether MIL, friend of a friend or colleague dislike them because they get a vibe.
Some days mumsnet is confusing

Maybe she didn't mean to look at you funny and you're reading too much into it, but maybe she just doesn't like you. You can't win them all, not everybody will, and what does it matter? It doesn't affect your life in any way, you see her about 10 mins a day, move on. Someone else's opinion of you is none of your business. The one thing I really can't see helping is this worker being told off about it. If you've read this wrong and she does actually like you, she sure won't after this!

OP I'm alternative and every time I step foot in playground or nursery I get funny looks from every angle. It used to make me feel so uncomfortable but now I care less. If I where you I would just give her huge smiles every time you catch her giving you a funny look and don't dwell on it anymore.

Presumably there are backstories to the MIL threads, rather than "she looks at me funny, I'll complain to her boss"

So she doesn't like you for whatever reason, you can't do anything about that. People can be petty, bitchy etc etc, it probably says more about her than you.

She's probably unlikely to extend this behaviour to your child, but if you are uncomfortable with it and nothing changes, then think about changing nursery?