to just want someone to tell me what to do to make my baby stay asleep? Almost at the end of my tether :-(

[HollyGoLoudly1]

So my 4 month old DS used to be a great sleeper. Without any intervention he started sleeping long periods at night from a few weeks old and eventually 8-10 hours straight from about 8 weeks old. So we never had a strict bedtime or nap routine, there was no need. How naive!

Then one night he wouldn't go to sleep until almost 11pm and woke up every 2 hours. Put it down to not feeling well or teething or growth spurt. Poor lamb. Then the same the next night. And the next. And it's been 3 weeks now. There was one infamous night where he didn't sleep more than an hour at a time. There is nothing obvious causing him to wake. He is no longer as happy or playful during the day either since this all started. I'm exhausted and regularly in tears in the run up to bedtime at the thought of another awful night. Me and DP bicker constantly because we're both so sleep deprived.

The only thing that works most of the time is breastfeeding him back to sleep, which I know is a bad habit to get into. He will always go back to sleep but will never stay asleep Please does anyone have any advice, suggestions or success stories? Or even just a hand hold to get me through another undoubtedly horrible night?

Poor you

If you have the resources, could you get a private baby sleep consultant? My SIL had a similar problem with her DS, used one, and said it really was a game changer!

How are his daytime naps?

Me and DP bicker constantly because we're both so sleep deprived.
Can't you take it in turns overnight rather than both of you being "on duty" every night? Could you express some milk so you can get a decent sleep?
And I second the baby swimming classes idea - it was literally the only thing that guaranteed a decent sleep for mine at that age.
And finally, it feel like forever but it will pass and then you can't get the buggers to wake up!

It will pass. It might take a while (4 month regression lasted until 9 months old!) But they all get in their own time. In the meantime you just survive and do what works, feeding to sleep is the most natural thing in the world. Now is not the time to worry about bad habits!

just wait till the 9 month sleep regression, that's even worse.....

evil laugh

cuspish not actually that helpful. When you’re in the thick of sleep deprivation ‘evil laughs’ are not called for.

OP - it is normal what your baby is doing. I know it’s tough but it will get easier. Carry on with the feeding to sleep if it works. It’s a myth that if you do this you’ll be stuck doing it for the next 3 years. And also you’re not a million miles off weaning which sometimes helps them sleep through too.

Hang in there. You’re doing a good job!!

Get his ears checked.
Give calpol at bed time. Do not underestimate teething pain.
Can you put him down later. One of mine just didn't need much sleep and when we realised he would sleep 10.30 - 5.50 life got so much better. He was a good sleeper 8-16 weeks too. Brain caught up with body.

Hugs and a handhold OP. All three of mine were terrible sleepers.. It sucked at the time, but it does pass. If the baby would take a bottle is there a grandparent who would take them for the night just to give you a break and the chance to reset? (Obviously not everyone would want to, but it can be a Godsend).
Also you do sound a little anxious about it (totally understandably) so is there any chance you could have a touch of PND? I did, and combined with sleep deprivation made everything worse. If that’s the case, then there’s loads of help out there, and nothing to be ashamed of. (Apologies if I’m totally off base) x.

Mine stated doing this at 4 months and still unfortunately does it at 8 months we cosleep and I feed her back to sleep every time, which is between 1 and 4 hours throughout the night. I value my sleep way too much to do anything differently. My 2 year old is also a shit sleeper in spite of her having a routine. Some kids get sleep, some don't.

Sorry you’re going through such a tough time with sleep. As PP have said, it sounds like the 4 month sleep regression. Essentially his sleep cycles are maturing, so he is waking in between each cycle. This is very normal, and we all wake briefly between each cycle of sleep. It is an evolutionary measure to keep us safe apparently - we wake, check our surroundings, back to sleep.

The issue is that DS isn’t falling to sleep where you want him to stay asleep - he is falling asleep on the breast, then being moved. So when he wakes briefly between cycles, he realises he isn’t where he started, wakes fully, and needs settling.

Your first option to get through this is to bedshare safely, so that DS can feed to sleep, and easily latch on again when needed.

Your other option is to try and move away from feeding to sleep, and try and find other ways of settling him, eventually moving to him self settling. You could try patting him, rubbing him, rocking him etc. This will very likely involve some crying, as he is used to feeding to sleep. You do not have to leave him alone at any point though- just try other ways of soothing him.

If you are able to eventually settle him with patting / rocking etc, this is easier to wean from than feeding to sleep - slower pats, less rocking etc. It will take time though. (But also means someone else can settle him).

Have you tried a dummy? If he finds sucking comforting, this may well help him settle.

4 month sleep regression is a killer, it is normal and part of their development but that doesn't help when you haven't slept.

Both mine were fed to sleep, both safely co slept which meant i didn't have to wake to sleep. Both go to bed at 7pm in their own rooms and have done from 2.5 years old.

As long as it's safe you do what you need to to get through. We all react differently to lack of sleep but you will find a way to make it work.

Babies aren't as a whole meant to sleep through, especially breast fed babies. Night milk has extras in it and they need this. Try not to beat yourself up or worry about bad habits.

Totally normal and utterly horrific.

Sleep training is not the answer, routine may help a little but unfortunately you have to just get through it.

What help do you have?

You and your DH need to sleep in shifts, take all the help you can from family and friends etc. sleep in the day.

Fuck showers, fuck housework, fuck cooking.

I’ve spent the last 6 months feeling the same regularly crying and feeling broken and my health has been suffering too. But there is nothing to be done and in a way, giving yourself up to it makes it easier.

If you have any money use a nightnurse.

Also, Little Baby Bum on Netflix night sistract him.

Don’t worry about bad habits - if he’ll sleep when you feed him, do it. If he sleeps better co-sleeping, do it.

My baby sleeps on a dog bed. He won’t sleep anywhere else. So what? Do what you need to to survive.

Sending strength - it’s awful whilst you’re in it.

DH is heading to bed and I’m now ‘on’ until 2.30. Sometimes we get lucky and don’t get woken until 7.00.

Other times...

Feel your pain... have been through that.... since jabs dd has not slept properly.... she is now 16 months and we are only just getting full night stretches.

It does get better I promise even if it's not perfect you will get longer stretches of sleep

I remember sleeping with my hand in the cot stroking her hair and face as comfort, also an app called colic baby and having the music or white noise on allll night

We also got the lullaby hippo which had a heart beat and colourful music. Eventually switched to the ewan sheep. Dd won't sleep without the red light on her face. (I don't care she sleeps that's all that matters)

The sleep changes so much you just need to roll with it. Easier said than done I know. Also do try to rest or if you can nap in the day. Even a half hour power nap can be a huge saviour

Another thought what does baby sleep in?

For a while my dd slept under a blanket but as soon as we switched to a sleeping bag with a blanket things where so much better, it was like she wanted to be covered but not swaddled.

I experienced this with DD at 4 months for around a week. I think it coincided with her teething pains so she was waking up dot on the 40 minute mark of her first sleep cycle (honestly, I could have set an alarm!)

I found that some quiet time in my arms with her dummy helped (around 10 minutes) then laid her back down in her Moses basket with my hand in her chest and a white noise machine playing. This got her back off to sleep each and every time within another 10 minutes or so (with the exception of one 2am awakening where I was still coddling and feeding at 4am 😴)

DD is 6 months old now and has no trouble sleeping - she sends herself to sleep in her cot and sleeps through to morning uninterrupted. The white noise machine is definitely something I would recommend!

What is your day time routine like? I’ve been having issues with my 4 month old but since last Friday I have been following a routine (it’s not STRICT but fairly consistent) and some of the reading I’ve been doing pointed towards an issue with his napping during the day. He was catnapping 20/30 mins here and there and wasn’t getting enough naps during the day and they were at odd intervals and times. Since I’ve started to be consistent with putting him down for both a morning and afternoon nap in his bed he has slept so much better.
I haven’t cracked the 1-5am bit yet as he’s still waking a fair bit but he has been in bed, asleep without rocking or anything for the past 5 nights before half 8/9. Tonight was 8pm, he’s woken a few times but self settled back to sleep.

The guidance I’ve been given for a good routine is never let them stay awake for more than 2.5 hours between naps, the longest nap should be midday for 2.5 hours (the morning 30 mins and afternoon just a short one, which can be dropped after 6 months). Aiming for roughly 3.5 hours sleep between 7-7.

I realise this is all moot if your baby just won’t go down during the day but this does seem to have helped me a lot.

As others have said, it’s the 4 month sleep recession and is caused by their sleep maturing and them waking at the end of each 45-60 min sleep cycle. We do it do as adults, but we have have learnt to link the cycles so get back to sleep again so quickly that we don’t realise we do it.

My DS had been sleeping from his 11pm dream feed through to 7am for a month when it hit us at 4.5 months

I spoke to an experienced maternity nurse and followed her advice that if he had gone a month visit a feed 11-7 then he didn’t need one (a few days can be luck, a month isn’t) so not to start feeding him at night - she recommended upping calories during the day so I increased all his feeds by an ounce (FF) and started weaning - just one tiny meal of purred apple plus baby rice etc once a day to start and then twice once he got used to it. She also strongly advised against feeding to sleeping/ rocking/ singing/ co sleeping etc as the way out of the 4 month sleep recession is for the baby to learn to link their sleep cycles themselves. If you ‘jump in’ and ‘get them to sleep’ between cycles then they rely on that to link cycles and you are stuck doing it again and again night after night.

So I sleep trained. He woke, cried and I left him to it - if he cried more then 30 mins I would offer cooled boiled water in a bottle
and checked nappy/ wind then returned him to the cot but tbh I largely left him to it. It was hard but only for about 2-3 nights - he then slept and has slept through ever since.

It’s not for everyone but I have no regrets at all and would do it again in an heartbeat. He is now 2 and a half, happy, affectionate and a very good sleeper

OP I am in exactly the same boat.

It is fucking horrible. Nothing can prepare you. I feel like I live a half life.

He's only tiny! It's completely natural. Small babies are not supposed to sleep through, they need nourishment.

Something to help him sooth - perhaps a pyjama top that smells of you or a comfort blanket.

You'll get through it. I know it's hard but you're doing just great.

Thanks everyone. MN has some lovely people and the hand holding is helping me feel a tiny bit better He's just gone to sleep so I'm going to try too and will reply to the questions tomorrow (or in 2 hours time).

Good luck OP!

I just wanted to say I experienced this for a few nights when DS was 4 months - only a few nights - and I felt like a complete zombie in the most literal way. You are a fucking hero and have my utmost respect.

I really don’t know why DS stopped, I think I was just lucky - I cosleep and breastfed during sleep on demand and also turn him over during the night (as in if I’m sleeping on my left he is; but if I roll over to my right i take him with me) and for whatever reason when he stirred that helped?!

I know some people will tell you some bullshit re sleep crutches and whatnot but I think it’s a pretty heartless thing to do to just leave a baby to cry themselves to sleep. Can you nap during the day? Give him to someone just to get a block? At the weekend especially your DH needs to take him in the morning both days and give you a couple of hours

Please please dont leave him to cry. He has no developed emotions, all he has is survival instincts and ta need for comfort and that's all from you.

@Cuspish please think before you post

DD2 did this around the same age, probably closer to 5mo. I still feel that same dread when I think about it even though it was 2 years ago. She literally only slept in our arms. We had to hold her for an hour before putting her down and then she'd only sleep for 40 minutes!!! Rinse repeat all night long. To manage it we split the night into manageable blocks of time so we each got a better block of sleep, eg DH did 9-11, I did 11-1, DH did 1-3, I did 3-5 and DH did until he went to work. Sometimes we adjusted the times. It was always pre-agreed so there was no night time bickering. After a month of it and in total desperation we coslept. I didn't normally do it because I'd never previously managed to sleep when cosleeping so little point. Anyway, I slept a bit but she slept through. The next night we put her into her own room and she slept through every night thereafter. She was a huge baby and I think had outgrown her huge crib and also that we were waking her with our overtired snoring. Could be worth considering.

My other thought is could he be too cold? That's caught us our before too. Perhaps try adding an extra layer. Check his hands and neck for temperature.

Remember - nothing lasts forever and whilst yes there can be more regressions not all babies suffer them - out of my 2 older children (DC3 still has all this to come) only 1 had a sleep regression and even then it was just the 1.

Och apologies OP, I was just being silly! Gallows humour if you will.

And yes, sleep deprivation is awful and I totally understand that you’re feeling desperate. Sorry for dark humour....

It will pass though! It will! Promise!

My daughter slept no longer than an hour and a half for the first two years of her life. I honestly hated her I was so tired. I aged 15 years in 2. Gave me white hair. She’s now six and we talk about it. She remembers apparently. She tells me she remembers crying to make me pick her up and biting my nipples . She was a nightmare. And I still have to chase her out my bed s couple of times a night. She still prefers to sit on top of me. But it’s ok. The baby intensity passed. She’s lovely. We survived.

It will pass. Honestly. And nothing you do or don’t do will do much to change the situation ( unless you do something ridiculous and extreme) , some people are just the people they are.