to just want someone to tell me what to do to make my baby stay asleep? Almost at the end of my tether :-(

[HollyGoLoudly1]

So my 4 month old DS used to be a great sleeper. Without any intervention he started sleeping long periods at night from a few weeks old and eventually 8-10 hours straight from about 8 weeks old. So we never had a strict bedtime or nap routine, there was no need. How naive!

Then one night he wouldn't go to sleep until almost 11pm and woke up every 2 hours. Put it down to not feeling well or teething or growth spurt. Poor lamb. Then the same the next night. And the next. And it's been 3 weeks now. There was one infamous night where he didn't sleep more than an hour at a time. There is nothing obvious causing him to wake. He is no longer as happy or playful during the day either since this all started. I'm exhausted and regularly in tears in the run up to bedtime at the thought of another awful night. Me and DP bicker constantly because we're both so sleep deprived.

The only thing that works most of the time is breastfeeding him back to sleep, which I know is a bad habit to get into. He will always go back to sleep but will never stay asleep Please does anyone have any advice, suggestions or success stories? Or even just a hand hold to get me through another undoubtedly horrible night?

It's called the four month regression and is totally normal. It's actually progress in their development, though it doesn't feel like it!

He's very young too young to sleep train. Could be teething or hungry (you could start early weaning?) Or any number of things. Give him more milk maybe See if he's hungry then try bonjela etc just keep going with solutions til you find the thing that works. Otherwise it's just a phase and it will pass. Either way get a good bedtime routine going for future.

Look at his daytime sleep. Is he sleeping in the day too much? Or conversely, not sleeping enough and going to bed overtired? Teeth? Hungry? I feel for you, my first was a horrific sleeper. We did get her on a strict routine around 4 months (having done no routine at all up until then!)

It's the horrible 4 month sleep regression. Your child's sleep cycles are maturing into light and deep cycles like an adult, I'm sure a full cycle lasts 45-60 minutes resulting in your child waking every hour or so while learning how to link cycles together without waking. It will get better.

Yep, sleep regression! Also BF to sleep is not a bad habit, it's biologically normal! It will pass, but yes it's fucking hard and it made me miserable. I used to fantasize about spending a night on my own in a hotel. I started going for a little back massage every few weeks just for a bit of me time, which helped my MH no end. I also bedshared which helped, but you should read up on doing this safely if it's something you're thinking about.

www.babysleepsite.com/baby-sleep-patterns/4-month-sleep-regression/

There you go.

It's teeth on the move!
Bf back to sleep, and safe cosleeping or else you will collapse.

1. Don’t worry about breastfeeding to sleep. Deal with things if and when they becomes a problem, don’t second guess what might. I was terrified of getting my first into bad habits. With my second I gave her what she needed - was sooo much easier and no bad habits were formed.
2. This stage will pass. It really will. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it will.
3. Does your LO scream as soon as they stir? We found that very heavy, half snoring breathing next to them sometimes got them back over if they just stirred but didn’t scream.
4. Have a hand to hold. Sleep deprivation sucks.

He needs to learn to go to sleep by himself without needing BF (or rocking or other intervention). At the moment he is waking up between sleep cycles as he doesn’t know how to get back to sleep without BF, he has learned that is how to get to sleep so that’s what he wakes and asks for.

Sleep training will teach him how to self settle but tbh most parents need to be desperate before they will sleep train and as you’ve had good sleep till recently I doubt you’re there yet. Does he use a dummy? Might he take that instead of BF - at least for the first few wakes?

MyHummy white noise cuddly toy saved my sanity. My son was as you describe, til I heard about this product when he was 15 months old. Best money I’ve ever spent.

I used to put my stinky shirt in bed with them. Theory was that they could smell me if they half woke and resettled.

We had a very very bad sleeper for over a year (Eugh i remember the pain & exhaustion) we were advised to get a 'myhummy' (look them up) pricey and not 100% it'll work for your child but we had exhausted all other avenues and were pretty desperate by this point. It was like a miracle for us! We plan to use it for our next DC

His sleep has matured and he's started to wake at the end of every sleep cycle.

We all wake approx every two hours at the end of a sleep cycle. As adults, we can self-soothe and get back to sleep without even realising we've woken.

Babies who can't self soothe will wake after every cycle and need help to settle again. So whatever happens when he goes to bed (feeding, rocking, dummy etc) he will need from you every 2h.

He will eventually outgrow this but to help him, try to teach him how to self soothe (this is a huge topic and I'm not saying it's even possible!). To survive, I would co sleep and do shifts with your partner. Wishing you all the best, and a speedy transition to proper sleep!

I would take the baby swimming as swimming makes all little ones tired and I would also see if you can find an edition of the Eurovision Song Contest online as when my first was 3 months we watched it and she was straining to go closer to the television and really enjoyed it and had her best sleep ever of 13 hours that night. I used to take the first 2 little ones to a baby foreign language class when the 2nd was 6 weeks onwards and he always had a massive 3 hour nap afterwards which didn't happen at any other time so I think there maybe something in it. Conversely the baby could be cold. Mine has a woolly cardigan on to sleep at the moment. Is your baby big? My 2nd was huge and was sleeping beautifully and woke in the night for a massive feed when he was 4 months. I need my sleep so gave him a bowl of baby porridge and he didn't wake up the next night until morning. All 3 of mine were weaned early as they were hungry babies. I used Organix Porridge with them all as it changed from being suitable from 4+ months to 6+ months on the packet between having child 2 and child 3 who are 17 months apart. I phoned to ask them about it and the porridge hadn't changed just what was written on the box! Good luck with whatever you do as someone will tell you they know better. I hope you get a lot more sleep soon.

As pp said - bf and safely cosleep. Why wouldn't you. When my kids were little I could never understand why anyone would say not to bf to sleep. I don't regret it for a second and they all grew out of it. I never had sleepless nights.

I know exactly what you're going through. Exactly same scenario here with DD2. Only just got her off to sleep tonight. She was getting into an "ok" routine at going to bed around 7 (I feed to sleep so on a good night can escape before 8), but tonight that's gone out of the window. 2 hours sleep last night too (16 week jabs yesterday which I think unsettled her). She has the same waking periods as your LO. I think it's teeth generally and the 4 month sleep regression. It'll pass, but by golly it's blooming tough when you're in it!

If it's any help, my DS1 started sleeping through the night 9-7 when his first teeth poked through, two days before he was 6 months old. Never looked back. I'm holding onto this as a ray of hope!!

Seems counter intuitive but could you Try waking baby up early and feed well. Not letting him fall back to sleep until he has big feed. Ur breaking this short sleep pattern and feeding more. I used to wake my child up for last nightly feed and he slept longer through the night. Good luck I feel ur pain

Same here, ds just over 4 months and killing me with broken sleep and constantly needing holding to go back to sleep - usually me standing as well.

No advice but you’re not alone. Bf has gone to sleep in the spare room after I screamed at him just now

Thanks everyone. Feel better just knowing it's normal (thanks for the sleep regression link - great site) and there are other people suffering the same.

Think he must have known I was complaining about him because he surprised me with a long stretch last night. Feel a thousand times better for having a decent chunk of sleep. We're going to put some of the suggestions into practise tonight, starting with a proper bedtime routine. Fingers crossed everyone!

Cranial oesto’s calm nerves and are amazing to help babies with their sleeping.

So it's been over a week since I've posted and there's been no improvements at all. I'm absolutely broken with lack of sleep and get so anxious at the thought of trying to catch up on sleep that I can't really nap and now struggle to get to sleep at night even when he is sleeping.

Does anyone know if there is professional help available for his sleep? Like should I ask the health visitor or GP or something? Really don't know what to do anymore and I'm not really coping

*almost a week.

Yes speak to your HV. She can help. I did and I will never forget when she said "I know what this is and I can help you". Could have kissed her. There was no quick fix but things did get better with her help

The reminder of the 4 month sleep regression made me shudder, and my child is nearly 4. It was fucking horrific, but it stopped as suddenly as it started.

This will pass. I promise, but until it does you just have to survive it. Can you go to bed early and get a good chunk of sleep while DP watches him? Try and lie down and rest when he naps, even if you don’t sleep. It’s awful, and you have my sympathies. I hope you’re sleeping better soon x

It's unfortunately 100% normal. He's doing what he's meant to do.

If HV or GP do offer help, it will be of the useless kind, e.g. rice gruel in bottle which is proven not to help sleep.

One thing I will say, you can try formula, some babies do sleep better with a belly full of formula vs. breastmilk. Not all, though.

Can you have someone do nights for you for a couple of days / a week so that you can recover? That's probably the best thing to do.

At six months of age it becomes more feasible to sleep train. Basically one just sort of hangs on until then. I had a premie and had to wait for 12 months to sleep train. I nearly died from sleep deprivation but it's par for the course unfortunately. He didn't sleep more than an hour max at a stretch from 4-12 months