Bit too harsh... I'm gutted.

[HarleyQuinnxx]

So me n DH have had a great few weeks I do have a few health issues and yes I have gained about 1.5 stone in weight but after my surgeries I can and will lose the weight I have gained. I've decided last couple of days to eat a bit less and cut out the crappy bits and snacks. Anyway messing about usual evening routine I say just general "oh I'd love a nobbly bobbly or mini magnum" and hubby looks at me up n down and says "look if I have to do dry January you can try and stop being a fat mess" I am really hurt he has never said something like this he knows the problems I'm having. So I had a silent huff about and he has said sorry but now I'm so hurt inside as it must be how he sees me.

It's way too harsh, and the depth of your hurt shows that there is more to it.

Fat mess is a phrase that people say in jest to people of any weight who decide to have an indulgence

No it isn't. Not normal, kind people anyway. I've gone my entire life without calling anyone a fat mess.It's nasty, mean-spirited and completely unnecessary.

Oh wow I'd be so offended by this comment and me and DH always 'joke' with each other. But I don't find 'fat mess' in any way funny.

Also- I now want a nobbly bobbly- best things ever!!

He’s a pig of a man.

Did he mean to be so rude?

Can't believe he said that out loud.
He was obviously thinking is so at least now you're on the same page.

Horrible thing to say and hear.
Going forward you could take it as a call (a horrible call) to get back to a healthy weight.

He’s totally out of order . You are right to be upset and angry.
Take care of yourself and best of luck with your surgery.

Mysteryfairy How the fuck can a spouse calling their other half a "FAT MESS" be misinterpreted? Vows of "in sickness and in health" must've been a white lie-she needs surgeries and that's why she's gained weight!. What parallel universe are you speaking of?

Thats such a horrible cutting remark to make.
It shows a total lack if empathy for your illness.
It would take me a long time to forgive and forget that one.

Fuck me he’s horrible. That is really not on. I have also put on loads of weight through surgery and medication, and my DH just tells me he thinks I look beautiful. Not quite LTB territory, but I’d have s look st the rest of your relationship.

Yeah...i'd be losing about 14 stone overnight if DH said that to me.

What a vile thing to say to someone you love. Its not a joke, it's not even remotely funny.

And all the nobbly bobblys in the world can't unsay it

I'd stick the melting ice cream in his shoe for the morning.

*Maybe he was trying to clumsily point out the relationship between unnecessary unhealthy food and rapid, significant weight gain...

And it came out sounding awful.

But you know... the two things are related.*

Oh well, in that case there's your explanation for why he's such a nasty bully.

Harley I'm trying to imagine what I'd feel if my DH said that to me, and just can't get my head into that space. I think I'd just curl up and die. Well, not really, but it would be really difficult to look at him - looking at me - and not see him thinking that. Forever. I may be being dramatic, but I can't imagine how I'd get over that.

I am so sorry this happened to you. Here are and a > for you.

Tell him you can easily lose weight but he will always be a twat.

Or respond that if being without alcohol makes him such an arse, he should go get himself a beer, or consider giving up for good.

That's a really cruel thing to say. Ask him how would feel if the situation was reversed?

Could it be that fat is a really hurtful thong to you personally, but to him, perhaps fat is not the worst thing ever, and perhaps he didn't realise how that specific word carries a lot of hurt and emotion for you, whereas for him it was just another messing about jokey thing to say?

On another note, he plays a game where he has to give away 50 quid a time?! Is he an idiot or does he have a gambling problem? 50 fucking quid, just like that?! He needs to never play that "game" again.

He very clearly meant that comment and it wasn't said as a joke. You say you're on track to losing weight, you might as well lose the extra weight (him) whilst you're at it.

I don’t think he meant it OP, I think if he did see you like that he wouldn’t of said it if his not a nasty bastard in general. It wasn’t the best choice of words but I genuinely think it was meant to be a humorous, flippant comment & maybe if you’ve been feeling a bit crap yourself recently you’ve taken it personally (I don’t blame you though.) but if my DH did something like this, then apologised & bought me a nobbly bobbly (entirely pos sounds a bit like my DH) I’d think stupid arse... but know he didn’t really mean to upset me. enjoy your nobby!

My hubby recently made a slightly similar comment. I was making food and he took exception to the amount of butter I was adding to it, he told me I was absolutely disgusting and that he didn't want to be widowed in his 40s thank you very much.

I was absolutely gutted too and to make things worse even when I told him how hurt I was and what a horrible thing to say it was, it took hours for him to bother apologising. But I know he didn't mean it how it sounded. It still took a lot for me to feel better about what he said though.

I can't decide if it's better or worse that I am in no way overweight at all.

I haven't watched East Enders for at least 20 years but can never forget Phil telling Kathy that she was 'an oldie but a goody'.

Some phrases have stickability, your H will live to regret that one for sure OP. He's an idiot, and you're not fat.

A "fat mess" ?! He'd be a newly single mess if I were in your shoes. What a disgusting thing to say to your SO

I suspect that men still see themselves as they were when they were younger and more perfect, don't notice their own decline. Then they look at their wife and see the person she was before kids etc..

My DH used to make such comments to me until he went for a private medical. They weighed him and totted up his BMI, gave him a target to reach. When he came home, we both weighed ourselves and it actually turned out that his BMI was quite a bit higher than mine. When the blood tests came back he had become diabetic and simply discovered he had to do something about it. He hasn't half changed his tune.

Get DH to have a well man check and see if he can improve on himself. Then both work on weight loss together, it is easier if both of you are on the same page, when it comes to menu planning. If DH feels he "has " to do dry January he clearly knows there is a problem to tackle.

I feel sad on your behalf OP. What a mean thing to say.

If it cheers you up at all.. you have introduced the MN army to Nobbly Bobblys!