Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overnight guests...

79 replies

ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 21:57

We don't have a spare bedroom, so any overnight guests stay in the lounge. No sofabed - it's either a (single) camp-bed or double thermarest-type thing on the floor.

We have a toddler who's a good sleeper, but up for the day at 6am. And a baby, who wakes 2-3 times a night, and then is up from 5am - I usually go into the living room at this point, so that DH can get another hour's sleep before getting up with aforementioned toddler.

I'm on maternity leave, but DH works long hours and on a working day, we probably get to spend about an hour with each other (cramming some telly and dinner into the same slot, so any actual conversation is a bonus Grin).

Anyway, I am a bit of an introvert and really dislike having ANY overnight guests - I get hugely stressed and uncomfortable about it as I just feel like life is already pretty full-on... But we keep having regular(ish) requests from certain family members to stay over (despite their knowing the accommodation/logistics options). AIBU to not want overnight guests? Fully prepared to be told I'm a miserable cow Blush

OP posts:
HolyMountain · 02/01/2019 22:00

Say no, there’s not enough room for your family and extra people and it firsnt suit your family needs.

You’re not miserable , just honest and realistic about the situation.

HolyMountain · 02/01/2019 22:01

*doesn’t

BarbarianMum · 02/01/2019 22:01

Depends - are they wanting it because they want to visit you/see the kids, or is it because you're in a convenient location?

If it's the firsf - and you do want to see them - then you may have to suck it up but you can limit it.

If the second, just say " sorry no can do". Or send your eldest in at 6am.

EggysMom · 02/01/2019 22:01

YANBU in my opinion - your household just is not set up to have overnight visitors, so don't accept them. If people wish to visit you, direct them to the nearest Travelodge.

Guineapiglet345 · 02/01/2019 22:06

No you’re not being unreasonable, they obviously wouldn’t be able to sleep in your lounge because that room is in use from 5am so you don’t technically have anywhere for them to sleep. I’m sure you must have a Travelodge or Premier Inn near by if they really want to visit you Grin

Valkyries · 02/01/2019 22:08

I usually head off any hints with “sorry no spare beds” YANBU

If people are desperate to see you they can get an Airbnb

Original poster
ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 22:10

HolyMountain thank you, that's how I see it...

BarbarianMum they want to see the kids, mostly. But it's perfectly possible for them to visit/spend the day and just NOT stay overnight!

EggysMom We have suggested Travelodge/similar previously - to say it went down like a lead balloon would be an understatement Hmm They were totally horrified and it caused all kinds of offence that we'd even considered it!

I just do not want to make small talk with anyone at 5am. DH is not a morning person at all, but we manage, and it's not forever... (I hope!!) And similarly, I just want to be able to vegetate at the end of our (very long) days without having to think about guests, whoever they may be and however lovely/helpful they are...

OP posts:
Original poster
ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 22:12

Guineapiglet Valkyries - I must have been typing as you posted. Apparently Travelodge etc is unthinkable although other family members have accepted this as a perfectly reasonable option

OP posts:
Xenia · 02/01/2019 22:13

Ah... I have had and have so many - lovely friends of mmy twins who are at university. We have been joking about it - some are on day 5 or 6 by now and then today 4 family members came (although only 3 to stay) so even tonight when we are down to two of the university ones it is complicated - we have put the baby in an ensuite bathroom, his sibling and my daughter in that room having cleared one lot out, my son in his upstairs office (we turfed the baby out of there because son needs access too all his stuff in there, computer, clothes etc so he had mattress on the floor. 2 student friends in spare room and rest of us in 3 bed rooms. We had people on sofas for quite a few nights too.

We now have one group -0 the babies - likely to be up at 6 I think tomorrow and my son's friend is coming round to see him tonight as he often does - so that willl be any minute until about 12 or later I suspect and then last night the students went to bed at 2am.

Like you I prefer my own company so when the house will fall silent on 11th it will be a blessed day, lovely though they all are to have for brief periods.

In your case I would definitely say no and refer them to a cheap local B&B or airbnb or or traveloldge or offer to put them up if they pay for you and the baby to have a night in a luxury hotel whilst they are staying !

Bluntness100 · 02/01/2019 22:14

Is it your in laws? 😁

Penguins1 · 02/01/2019 22:15

As you don't have a spare room and a young child, I don't think it's BU that overnight guests stay in a Premier Inn or such.

converseandjeans · 02/01/2019 22:18

I don't think you have space for any overnight guests at all. If they insist then perhaps put them in your room so they are out the way in the morning.

Original poster
ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 22:18

Bluntness I couldn't possibly comment Halo

OP posts:
jessstan2 · 02/01/2019 22:23

You're not unreasonable, you don't have the room to put people up and you have to enough to do with such young children.

I wouldn't do it in your position except for the very occasional one off - one night only.

Why did Travelodge go down like a lead balloon? They are reasonably priced and very comfortable, most people would prefer that to sleeping on a put you up in the sitting room and being woken early.

anniehm · 02/01/2019 22:23

Depends on the distance they live - my parents stayed over even when we had a tiny apartment because they were visiting us and the help I got outweighed the inconvenience. I don't have an issue with making do for a couple of days, and if their sleep is disrupted by a toddler so be it!

AfterSchoolWorry · 02/01/2019 22:23

You're a saint to put up with that. Get your DH to sort them out. And let them be offended.

Sal1977 · 02/01/2019 22:23

How about sticking your guests in your bed and you guys grab the blow up bed in the lounge. It keeps them and their crap out of the way and the kids can come in with you in the morning and watch telly in bed whilst your guests sleep later.

We've done this before and it works better than having guests in the lounge!

Skittlesandbeer · 02/01/2019 22:24

If your guests are so thick-skinned as to not realise that it’s inconvenient for them to stay over, then you need not fear offending them.

Be clear and direct that you’re putting an end to overnight stays from family and friends until the children are ‘x’ years old. Say that you’re not set up for it, and find it too disruptive to the family routine. After that, be a broken record and just say ‘we’ve already decided about that, it’s getting boring to keep talking about it. Day visits only, finishing as our evening routine kicks in’.

Don’t apologise or feel guilty. They’ll only use it to overrule you. Be friendly and firm in tone. Send a (brief) email around today.

Guineapiglet345 · 02/01/2019 22:25

I wouldn’t give up my comfy bed for an inflatable mattress for anyone, especially if they could stay in a Travelodge but are choosing not too!

CottonSock · 02/01/2019 22:26

Yanbu, I hate visitors these days with small kids. It's so much disruption and hard work.

Jent13c · 02/01/2019 22:27

I have 2 bed flat and got rid of spare bed after I had baby (for fancy nursery and cot that he never slept in for more than an hour). Since then we have no overnight guests. They are welcome to use our home as a base during the day but theres just no room for more folk. My brother did actually stay this week (2 years later) but he slept on the couch. Thankfully I have local family who dont mind giving them a bed. Do you have anyone similar? It would be a bit awkward going in lounge at 5am, I agree!

Original poster
ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 22:28

jessstan2 I have no idea what the issue is with a Travelodge. I offered my sister the various options for an upcoming visit and she very sensibly opted for that one!

converseandjeans, Sal1977 - at the moment, the baby's cot is in our room, so giving them our bed doesn't really work... But, in a couple of months, I guess that could be an option.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 02/01/2019 22:29

To be honest, if they are In laws your husband needs to speak to them,and tell them no. If they are yours you need to. And if they are friends just tell them, but staying in the living room is not on,,, so who is in the chair to have the talk.,.😁

Original poster
ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 22:30

I wish I had name-changed for this - would gladly send them a link to this thread!!

OP posts:
MaggieFS · 02/01/2019 22:30

How often and for how many nights are they asking to come and how far away do they live?

Swipe left for the next trending thread