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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Overnight guests...

79 replies

ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 21:57

We don't have a spare bedroom, so any overnight guests stay in the lounge. No sofabed - it's either a (single) camp-bed or double thermarest-type thing on the floor.

We have a toddler who's a good sleeper, but up for the day at 6am. And a baby, who wakes 2-3 times a night, and then is up from 5am - I usually go into the living room at this point, so that DH can get another hour's sleep before getting up with aforementioned toddler.

I'm on maternity leave, but DH works long hours and on a working day, we probably get to spend about an hour with each other (cramming some telly and dinner into the same slot, so any actual conversation is a bonus Grin).

Anyway, I am a bit of an introvert and really dislike having ANY overnight guests - I get hugely stressed and uncomfortable about it as I just feel like life is already pretty full-on... But we keep having regular(ish) requests from certain family members to stay over (despite their knowing the accommodation/logistics options). AIBU to not want overnight guests? Fully prepared to be told I'm a miserable cow Blush

OP posts:
EekThreek · 02/01/2019 22:33

"Oh ILs, it's so nice of you to offer to look after the children from 5am to give us a break. We're so lucky to have such involved grandparents"

Should be enough to put them off...

TarragonSauce · 02/01/2019 22:33

I just said "no. The children are at an awkward stage and it's a miracle if anybody in the house gets a wink of sleep. Not an option to bring anyone else in on it."
If the now-adult children had any inkling of how much they'd been blamed for over the years, well, they'd have gone NC with me long since.

abacucat · 02/01/2019 22:34

Issue with Travelodge may be money. Suggest they just come for the day.

Original poster
ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 22:36

abacucat I agree it could be for some people, but not in this particular case...

OP posts:
Miggeldy · 02/01/2019 22:36

How about sticking your guests in your bed and you guys grab the blow up bed in the lounge.

Oh, here we go...….
rolls eyes

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking · 02/01/2019 22:37

While the baby;s small I'd just say you can't have overnight guests full stop. As long as you enforce this equally across both sides of the family (not letting your DM stay because she's your mum but telling MIL she can't). Say you've done it and it's too hard.

You'll just have to be tough and fair and they can either do a day trip or stay in the Travelodge. Don't understand why people inflict themselves on family when there's a far more comfortable alternative (unless it's genuine lack of cash obviously)

Ilove · 02/01/2019 22:37

Gosh. I’d FAR rather stay in a tavelodge than in anyone’s house! In fact, did two nights in one this weekend just gone!

Bonus being the bar was open both nights wen we got back and we had a half a date night haha

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/01/2019 22:37

No not unreasonable!!

I've not been able to host overnight guests other than very close pals for years...and these pals are under strict instructions not to mention it to others... .

I find saying.. We have no spare beds... And pained expression and saying... Slowly... Yes there is a floor... I suppose I could vacuum it so it would be clean enough for a sleeping bag.....

And.. Suddenly they're not so interested...

mumsastudent · 02/01/2019 22:37

let them stay on blow up mattress which unfortunately has a leak :) & if kitchen is near to the lounge room accidently put a timer on your washing machine … what time did you say baby wakes up?

Clarabell33 · 02/01/2019 22:39

Put them up in your bed. Take yourselves off to the furthest possible nearest Travelodge. Get a decent night's sleep and let them 'help' as they're clearly so keen to do. Problem solved.

Unless you're breastfeeding in which case you may have to take DC2 but DC1 can stay at home with your kind and helpful guests... and then drop DC2 back with them around 6am when DC1 gets up anyway and go back to the Travelodge til your late checkout time.

AyoadesChinDimple · 02/01/2019 22:42

I'd just say no. May be in the future but right now it's not practical or possible.

How far away do they live and do they drive? Sorry if I've missed that if already asked.

Lindy2 · 02/01/2019 22:42

If they can visit for the day and go home then there is no need to put them up.
I wouldn't in your position. We have spare rooms and our children are older but we still only occasionally have overnight guests as we find it disruptive.
When MIL was asking about staying over (she lives 45 mins away but doesn't drive so DH has to ferry her back and forth) we were just honest and said we find it a bit too disruptive with the kids as it messes up their usual routine. We go and visit her for the day now instead so she still sees the children but visits are kept to a nice manageable length of time.
With no spare room and a baby waking at 5am you are even more justified in saying you find it too much for you.

NoSquirrels · 02/01/2019 22:45

Different family expectations, I guess. My ILs would sleep on the floor rather than decamp to a payable hotel, my DPs would rather poke out their eyes than cause inconvenience if there was another option!

If they come to stay, I'm afraid your DH (or whoever's parents it is Grin) needs to be up at 5am with the baby and toddler, handing the baby to the guests and switching the TV on...

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 02/01/2019 22:45

Simply drop the dc on them at the early wake up time. Take yourself back off to bed.

shortgreengiraffe · 02/01/2019 22:45

I love having over night guests but in your position I would say no.

I am suprised people want to stay. I am sure you are lovely but I don't know anyone that I would be willing to sleep on a camping mat and be woken up at 5am for.

Original poster
ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 22:46

paddlingwhenIshouldbeworking we have been totally fair across both sides of the family, so no issue there.

Ilove I know, me too!

IamtheDevilsAvocado they know it's the floor. They still want to stay...

Clarabell33 Yeah, DC2 still EBF but interesting plan! Wink

OP posts:
SilverBirchTree · 02/01/2019 22:48

Say no. Or say 'we'd love to have you as soon as we're in a larger home' ...and then never move.

Your plate is full. Don't be pressured into guests.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 02/01/2019 22:49

I wouldn't have overnight guests in the circs. you describe.
Unless it's a real, one-off, once in a blue moon emergency, point them at the Premier Inn. It's very inconsiderate of them to expect to disrupt your home like this.

thebaronetofcockburn · 02/01/2019 22:49

converseandjeans, Sal1977 - at the moment, the baby's cot is in our room, so giving them our bed doesn't really work... But, in a couple of months, I guess that could be an option.

Oh, no! Just NO. So then your h is going into work having had shit sleep, or both of you are. Just fuck that. What kind of guest turfs the hosts out of their bed? I wouldn't do that in a million years.

You're just going to have to be firm here and tell them no one is staying overnight for a while as you are not set up for it and the children wake too early. And be firm.

delboysskinandblister · 02/01/2019 22:50

We have suggested Travelodge/similar previously - to say it went down like a lead balloon would be an understatement hmm They were totally horrified and it caused all kinds of offence that we'd even considered it!

you need to do the lead balloon face the next time they have the fucking front to suggest using your house as free air bnb.
They are too tight to put themselves out when they don't need to - they just put you out instead. Sooo much more reasonable...
Hmm

Original poster
ThousandCows · 02/01/2019 22:51

shortgreengiraffe I'm as surprised as you are. I'm not even that lovely Grin

AyoadesChinDimple and MaggieFS - they are two separate in-laws... Both live probably just under a couple of hours away (one by car, one by train). So it's at the longer end of day-trippable (in my humbke opinion) but they both have other very close relatives, with spare rooms and actual beds, about 45mins from us. So they could (and have) break up the journey if they don't have want to do it all in one day.

OP posts:
IWouldPreferNotTo · 02/01/2019 22:51

What sort of masochist would choose to sleep on the floor in a house with a toddler who will be up at 5am?

That's a recipe for being woken up by being gently poked in the eye with a toy horse while your joints scream in agony.

Itslookinglikeabeautifulday · 02/01/2019 22:54

You’re not being unreasonable. You have far too much going on already. No. No. No. If they want to see you all that bad, there are plenty of budget hotels and/or Airbnb, as others have said.

NoSquirrels · 02/01/2019 22:59

they both have other very close relatives, with spare rooms and actual beds, about 45mins from us. So they could (and have) break up the journey if they don't have want to do it all in one day

Be an unmovable grey rock, in that case. Tell them both - we just can't have the living room out of action, I'm afraid, because we use it at 5 a.m. EVERY morning so that we can keep functioning on so little sleep. So it just doesn't work for us to have someone else staying in the living room, and as you know there's nowhere else to sleep. So, for now, we just can't have overnight guests at all. We'd love to see you though if you can stay over at Auntie/Uncle X's...

Coronapop · 02/01/2019 23:00

I suggest telling them it isn't practical and much as you would like to see them they would need to book a local hotel.