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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to collect this 'gift' from ex fil

98 replies

thduchessstill · 02/01/2019 18:52

Today I missed the delivery of Fil's Christmas gift to the dc and have got a postcard telling me it needs to be collected from the depot. The problem is, I really don't want to go. I know what it is - some kind of charity goat/schoolroom/toilet 'gift', that will be over-packaged, hence not fitting through the letterbox and of very little interest to the dc whatsoever.

He sends these every year (though usually in time for Christmas) and every year I'm at work when they are delivered and have to collect them from the depot (40 minute round trip, nearly always has a long queue). It's a total pita. I don't agree with this kind of thing anyway for all the usual reasons, but I'm especially annoyed because he fucking well sends them here, making it my responsibility not only to collect them but to talk about them to the dc. Why? They stay with his son three times a fortnight and spend Boxing Day with that side of the family, which is when Fil gives them their 'real' gifts, but yet every year he sends these (one each for each dc) to my home. Maybe it's a dig at me, but he is actually a nice man and I can't imagine he means anything snide by it, but I have enough to do without going miles out of my way to collect these wretched things. I'm back at work on Monday and have other plans (not unchangeable) for the last few days of the holiday. His fuck of a son does nothing for the dc aside from 'having' them when he does and this all adds to my reluctance to add this to my long list of things to do.

Are they returned to sender if uncollected and if I so would I be horribly unreasonable not to get them?

OP posts:

Moltenpink · 02/01/2019 18:54

Can you arrange redelivery to their dad’s address?

MulticolourMophead · 02/01/2019 18:55

I've no idea if they get returned to sender, but you can always say you never had a card through the door to collect.....

sackrifice · 02/01/2019 18:55

Send it with them next time they visit him. And then forget about it.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 02/01/2019 18:55

Is there no way you can try and get them to deliver again? Everytime I've missed a delivery it's given me an option to select a day for re delivery or gives the address for the depot for me to pick up

mamma2016 · 02/01/2019 18:56

You could have the parcel sent to a post office near you. I think you have to pay a small fee (50p ish). Go to the website on the card and have it redirected somewhere nearby?

LaurieFairyCake · 02/01/2019 18:56

I literally don't understand why he gives them two gifts

If I was trying to think charitably maybe he realises his son is a knob but you will actually take the time to explain charity to them ?

But I still don't understand why the two sets of gifts when he actually sees them ?

Jimjamjong · 02/01/2019 18:56

Just tell him that you have a lot to do and cannot collect (same in future). Yes it should go back to him if he has a return address on it (you can check with him) or your ex could collect the package and give to the DCs as it's his dad's present.

Janus · 02/01/2019 18:57

I have to disagree. I think that’s a lovely present and a good conversation to have with children so they realise how lucky they are. Can they not redeliver on a day you will be in or to a neighbour? Did he also give them ‘real’ presents so this is not their only presents? Generous man.

madcatladyforever · 02/01/2019 18:58

They are eventually returned to sender. Tell FIL it will be coming back to him and to make sure he sends them to his son in future as it's a 40 minute round trip and you haven't got time for that.

Stompythedinosaur · 02/01/2019 19:11

Surely you can arrange a delivery online?

Stompythedinosaur · 02/01/2019 19:11

*a redelivery

sackrifice · 02/01/2019 19:33

Surely you can arrange a delivery online?

Surely you can blah blah blah. I am sick to death of women being told they should do this, that, the other. It isn't her job to facilitate her ex FIL's presents in her own time.

Send the parcel collection thing to the dad's when they next go.

jessstan2 · 02/01/2019 19:38

He will know if you don't collect it, it will be returned to the sender who will inform your father in law.

You don't have to go and collect it! I miss parcels and packages all the time, I either request redelivery (usually a Saturday) or ask for it to be taken to a local post office from which I can collect on Saturday. It's quite easy, you do it online.

I'm assuming we're talking about Royal Mail. I know most private couriers will redeliver.

Your father in law means well, some people aren't very good or imaginative when it comes to gifts.

Original poster

thduchessstill · 02/01/2019 19:45

Yeah, the thing is I don't want to do anything whatsoever to get it. Not go online, not go in the car, nothing. I realise that may seem petty, but I work f/t and have no family or support nearby. As I have said, ex is source of stress and trouble(one task I've had this holiday is trying to inform the dvla he doesn't live here and hasn't for 4 years). I resent this stuff being sent here and would really like it to stop.

And ds1 is very socially aware and has quite strong views on these kind of projects and their drawbacks, so I wouldn't say it's particularly lovely for the dc actually.

OP posts:

NotANotMan · 02/01/2019 19:48

Just ignore it and feign ignorance if he ever asks. If he's bought a charity gift then the money is already spent, makes no odds if you collect the thing.

Warpdrive · 02/01/2019 20:07

Why not call ex FIL and explain that it arrived while you were out and you’ve no way of collecting from the depot. Ask him to arrange for it to be delivered to his son or to your work or a neighbour?

Maelstrop · 02/01/2019 20:10

Tell fil to stop sending this type of gift and tell him you won't be collecting it. Otherwise, every bloody year is going to be the same.

AdaColeman · 02/01/2019 20:14

Don't do any thing, rip the card up and bin it.

Repeat next year, eventually FIL will get the message.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 02/01/2019 20:18

If you don't want to get it then just ignore the card. Royal Mail will hold it for 18 days and then either return it to sender if he's put a return address on, or destroy it.

GhostSauce · 02/01/2019 20:18

Just bin the card.

Awrite · 02/01/2019 20:19

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Chickychoccyegg · 02/01/2019 20:26

you can organise delivery on for a day that suits you, no need to travel to the depot

GreenTulips · 02/01/2019 20:30

Do nothing

Let them return it

Don’t even give it a second thought

Biker47 · 02/01/2019 20:58

I have to disagree. I think that’s a lovely present and a good conversation to have with children so they realise how lucky they are.

Why does it need to be packaged in a way to ensure it can't just be delivered then? If it is as what the OP says then surely they should fit in an envelope? Or you know he could give them to them in person like he does with the other present on boxing day. Sounds like a passive aggressive power play from the ex-FIL more than anything.

RosaAbsolute · 02/01/2019 21:05

Is just ignore it and not go to collect it. If it eventually ends up being sent back to FIL and he mentions it the say "I work full time and aren't in to collect packages, if I do receive a card saying I have one to collect it's a 40 minute round trip. Next time can you have it delivered to your son or get it delivered to yourself and give it to the children when you give them their other gifts? Just to make sure they get it."

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