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Original poster

Not to collect this 'gift' from ex fil

98 replies

thduchessstill · 02/01/2019 18:52

Today I missed the delivery of Fil's Christmas gift to the dc and have got a postcard telling me it needs to be collected from the depot. The problem is, I really don't want to go. I know what it is - some kind of charity goat/schoolroom/toilet 'gift', that will be over-packaged, hence not fitting through the letterbox and of very little interest to the dc whatsoever.

He sends these every year (though usually in time for Christmas) and every year I'm at work when they are delivered and have to collect them from the depot (40 minute round trip, nearly always has a long queue). It's a total pita. I don't agree with this kind of thing anyway for all the usual reasons, but I'm especially annoyed because he fucking well sends them here, making it my responsibility not only to collect them but to talk about them to the dc. Why? They stay with his son three times a fortnight and spend Boxing Day with that side of the family, which is when Fil gives them their 'real' gifts, but yet every year he sends these (one each for each dc) to my home. Maybe it's a dig at me, but he is actually a nice man and I can't imagine he means anything snide by it, but I have enough to do without going miles out of my way to collect these wretched things. I'm back at work on Monday and have other plans (not unchangeable) for the last few days of the holiday. His fuck of a son does nothing for the dc aside from 'having' them when he does and this all adds to my reluctance to add this to my long list of things to do.

Are they returned to sender if uncollected and if I so would I be horribly unreasonable not to get them?

OP posts:
greendale17 · 03/01/2019 11:18

This is a present for your child. But you don’t care about that do you?

HauntedPencil · 03/01/2019 11:22

You can easily organise a redeliverry on line.

No one needs to go to a depot! You really should organise this.

CatnissEverdene · 03/01/2019 11:22

Collect it, then send a thank you letter asking him to send via his son next year as it was a long round trip to collect.

cowfacemonkey · 03/01/2019 11:23

It’s not a present though? Why can’t he just drop a card in the post saying I’ve donated xx amount to charity on your behalf? If people wanted to do this for my children I wouldn’t object they have plenty so money for charity instead is fine, but I would object to the unnecessary box of tat that clearly comes with this donation.

jessstan2 · 03/01/2019 11:26

For goodness sake, how difficult is it for anyone to go online and arrange redelivery at a convenient time or to a convenient place?

If it cost you loads of money and time, I'd understand, but this is a snub to your father in law who has ordered the gift in good faith, even if it isn't a great idea. Do you want to hurt and insult him? I don't think my dad, had he still been alive when I had a young child, or my father in law were very good at gifts but they tried their best.

I don't understand the attitude. I organise redeliveries all the time, to suit me, it costs nothing (unless it goes to a nearby post office when I might have to pay something like 70p).

Unkind and noticeably unloving.

Batteriesallgone · 03/01/2019 11:28

part of the gift should be him explaining it to your dc if it holds so much meaning to him

^this. He should get it delivered to his own house and give it to them along with the other gifts

SummerStrong · 03/01/2019 11:30

I think you're being petty, not going online and paying 70p to have them delivered to your closest post office. After all, he has gone to the trouble if buying, wrapping and posting these for his grandchildren.

You are letting your personal feelings for your ex influence you.

GreenTulips · 03/01/2019 11:31

You can easily organise a redeliverry on line

No one needs to go to a depot! You really should organise this

Why should she?

Why does she have to d

GreenTulips · 03/01/2019 11:32

Do anything?

Why can’t FIL give the gifts to his son?

Why involve OP at all?

cowfacemonkey · 03/01/2019 11:33

Yes bad, unkind lady don’t you know it’s your job as a woman to facilitate this man’s need to be righteous and charitable and to pick up the slack for your ex? Your time is not valuable you silly woman remember as woman you must be kind and thoughtful at all times. Tsk

cowfacemonkey · 03/01/2019 11:34

I doubt very much he wrapped and posted them. More likely a couple of clicks online and it was sent directly from the charity.

Myimaginaryreindeerhasfleas · 03/01/2019 11:34

If it’s a goat it will have chewed its way out of the wrapping by now and be happily settled at the sorting office being petted by postmen n shorts.

Snowdrifthill · 03/01/2019 11:36

The charity have had their money if you collect the certificates or not, so it doesn't matter at all. Don't feel bad, or even give it anymore thought. The children already have their "real" gift and it'll be returned to sender.

GreenTulips · 03/01/2019 11:37

cowfacemonkey

Well said

Mitzimaybe · 03/01/2019 11:38

Tell FIL you can't get to the depot to collect it and leave it at that.

wheneverythinggoestitsup · 03/01/2019 11:39

Exactly what @cowfacemonkey said

He sees the kids regularly - and around Xmas - if this is the gift he wants to give them then he can easily arrange to do so an explain its meaning to them himself.

I despair at all the people telling OP she should do anything. Erm no - she shouldn't.

OffToBedhampton · 03/01/2019 11:40

I don't get pp saying she should rearrange delivery- OP has already said she works full time so is never in! Or PP saying she should drive to collect, what she knows is unwanted tatt, from depot when it's a long round trip.

Her FIL sees DC at Xmas so he can give his presents to them direct. End of

His GDC go to FIL's son 3 X week, so he can give them any presents or stuff via his son at anytime.

YANBU to ignore it. Don't give it a second thought, bin the card.

Are you sure it's not a dig?? He could be subtly saying here's £x I "could have given to DC" but gave to anyone but them and I'm sending it direct to show you. Or he could be doing a nice thing, but it's weird if it is the latter that he doesn't give it to them via his son though

CallMeSirShotsFired · 03/01/2019 11:44

It makes precisely no difference whether she collects it, redirects it or forgets about it - the donation has been made and the new loo or goat or whatever has been paid for.

So I suggest OP does whatever is easiest for her and moves on with life.

Drum2018 · 03/01/2019 11:45

I'm sure the children won't give a stuff if they don't receive their 'present' of a card telling them their grandfather has given a charity some money to buy a goat in another country. Bin the note from the post office and if ever mentioned say you never saw it but that you could have thrown it out with the junk mail by accident. And then say you wouldn't have had a chance to collect it before the stated date anyway as you are bloody well working full time. Say it's all politely though, in case you offend him Wink

PeridotCricket · 03/01/2019 11:46

Goat petting postmen in shorts...ace image.

Consolidateyourloins · 03/01/2019 11:46

YANBU, I would send FIL a text, something along the lines of:

'Hi ex-FIL, thanks for the present for DC. Unfortunately I'm at work when parcels are delivered and it's difficult for me to get to the depot to collect the parcel due to the kids. Please can you send any future presents to ex's address, or just hand them over to DC when you see them on Boxing Day. Thanks and Happy New Year.'

greendale17 · 03/01/2019 11:47

FFS OP doesn’t even know what the gift is. She THINKS she knows.

user1andonly · 03/01/2019 11:48

Have you ever mentioned the inconvenience to him before?

If not, then I think I'd collect (or rearrange delivery) this year, thank him and ask that he gets them delivered to his own house and gives them to the dc next year as you are never in when they arrive and collecting them is tricky.

I'd also be tempted to put them, unopened, in the dc bags next time they go to their Dad's with a note saying they'd just arrived and you thought he'd enjoy opening them with them!

If fil ignores you and sends them again next year, then feel free to ignore the card. But, if, as you say, he's a nice man, he quite possibly has no idea that it's causing hassle for you and thinks he's doing a nice 'meaning of Christmas' thing for the dc.

Consolidateyourloins · 03/01/2019 11:49

It doesn't matter what it is, OP doesn't want to traipse 40 minutes to the depot and she shouldn't have to. Ex-FIL has a son who he sees on Boxing Day, he should be giving the presents to him.

fruitbrewhaha · 03/01/2019 11:54

Why would you buy this for a child? It's such a non-present. There are supposed to be for adults who have everything. But really they are all about making the giver feel all virtuous and as a receiver you have to feel grateful when really, you wanted a bottle of gin or some nice soap, but you cant say that because you'd be an arsehole for even thinking it.