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Original poster

Not to collect this 'gift' from ex fil

98 replies

thduchessstill · 02/01/2019 18:52

Today I missed the delivery of Fil's Christmas gift to the dc and have got a postcard telling me it needs to be collected from the depot. The problem is, I really don't want to go. I know what it is - some kind of charity goat/schoolroom/toilet 'gift', that will be over-packaged, hence not fitting through the letterbox and of very little interest to the dc whatsoever.

He sends these every year (though usually in time for Christmas) and every year I'm at work when they are delivered and have to collect them from the depot (40 minute round trip, nearly always has a long queue). It's a total pita. I don't agree with this kind of thing anyway for all the usual reasons, but I'm especially annoyed because he fucking well sends them here, making it my responsibility not only to collect them but to talk about them to the dc. Why? They stay with his son three times a fortnight and spend Boxing Day with that side of the family, which is when Fil gives them their 'real' gifts, but yet every year he sends these (one each for each dc) to my home. Maybe it's a dig at me, but he is actually a nice man and I can't imagine he means anything snide by it, but I have enough to do without going miles out of my way to collect these wretched things. I'm back at work on Monday and have other plans (not unchangeable) for the last few days of the holiday. His fuck of a son does nothing for the dc aside from 'having' them when he does and this all adds to my reluctance to add this to my long list of things to do.

Are they returned to sender if uncollected and if I so would I be horribly unreasonable not to get them?

OP posts:
Guineapiglet345 · 02/01/2019 21:27

You are being unreasonable to describe it as a gift, what he’s done there is give some of his money to a charity of his choosing and told your kids about it in a really elaborate way.

veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 02/01/2019 21:33

If it's one of those things Oxfam do, i.e. a folded piece of card smaller than A5, what on earth is he doing to make it too big for a letterbox? Is he trying to make some sort of point?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 02/01/2019 21:42

I'm puzzled too? Surely the actual goat/toilet isn't being delivered !! Surely its just a certificate, why won't it fit????

SallyWD · 02/01/2019 21:50

I get all my missed parcels sent to my local post office. Couldn't be easier.

AdaColeman · 02/01/2019 21:57

You can add on gifts to the donation card, chocolate, felt tips, colouring books etc, which make the parcel too bulky for the letterbox.

SheAlreadyDoneHadHerses · 03/01/2019 10:21

In the time it's taken to write this thread you could've easily arranged a redelivery online.

Why is it you're so adamant your children shouldn't support charity?

Refilona · 03/01/2019 10:27

Give the collection card to your kids next time they go see their dad! They can all go collect it if they want. Don’t have to do it yourself!

Sciurus83 · 03/01/2019 10:28

Seems a bit petty, you said he's a nice man, nothing snide about it, we all humour these things at this time of year. Redelivery takes two minutes, nowt to do with your feelings for their Dad.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 03/01/2019 10:36

Maybe he sends it to you because he knows his son is a knob and you aren't. He is doing something nice for his gc just rearrange delivery it wont hurt you. Dont take your frustration with his son out on him.

Inertia · 03/01/2019 10:43

Presumably the money has already gone to the charity, so you making a 40 minute round trip to the depot to collect some packaging would be a waste of fuel and your time.

You don't need to 'just' do anything- go online, arrange redelivery, or do anything else. The goat will still be donated , whether you collect the leaflets or not. So don't bother.

mastertomsmum · 03/01/2019 10:45

re deliver to workplace maybe? I usually do this.

ButteryParsnips · 03/01/2019 10:48

You can't rearrange delivery with every company. Royal Mail don't do it, the card just tells you it's at the office for you to collect within so many days.

I'd leave it OP and if it comes up say you had too much on to get there, and could he get the certificate sent by email in future as that would solve the problem?

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 03/01/2019 10:52

Oh, I'd tell him to stop caring.

Then next year, when your kids get fuck all, you can have another thread whinging about that! Win-win.

violetbunny · 03/01/2019 10:59

I get where you are coming from OP. But have you ever actually told him that while you appreciate the sentiment, it inconveniences you and you would prefer he didn't send anything so big if future? If not, redirect it but make sure you tell him! Let this be the very last time. If he sends anything like this next year, don't collect it and perhaps he will realise.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 03/01/2019 11:01

You can't rearrange delivery with every company. Royal Mail don't do it, the card just tells you it's at the office for you to collect within so many days.

Whenever I get a card from Royal Mail it DOES give various options such as redelivery or delivery to a local post office.

Perhaps OPs FIL really wants his GCs to get a gift at Christmas as well as when they go to their Dad to collect their actual gift.

lucky88 · 03/01/2019 11:01

It's a nice gift and a good conversation to have with the DC.

But, I'm with you that it's just silly that you should have to go out of your way to pick up the gift or sort it out. At absolute most, I would give the card and some form of your ID to your ex when he has the kids and tell him to go and get it.
((To be honest though I would probably pretend I know nothing about any postcard))

GoldenSyrupLion · 03/01/2019 11:04

What are the "usual" objections to this type of gift? Genuine question.

MadameButterface · 03/01/2019 11:06

get him to send it to their dad, his son, in future. if he is a nice man he will understand. there's no 'oh just' or 'surely you can' blah di blah when you do literally every fucking thing for your dc but their dad, his son, only has to bother his arse 3 times a fortnight.

why are mn's expectations of men so low

DeepanKrispanEven · 03/01/2019 11:06

If it's returned to sender, won't it go back to the charity rather than FiL?

Can you send the card to their father and say it's up to him to collect?

Batteriesallgone · 03/01/2019 11:07

Just pretend you didn’t get the card.

Then when it’s mentioned to you say ‘oh my gosh, how strange it didn’t fit through the postbox. Perhaps you should complain to them?’

Put the onus back on him to do something, then it will stick in his mind for next year.

Ethel36 · 03/01/2019 11:07

Sounds like a lovely gesture. Be good to explain to your children about charity. Just go online and ask to have it redelivered either to your address/workplace or for a small fee a local post office. It's really no big deal. The gifts are (indirectly) for the children, not you. I think you're a little resentful because it doesn't benefit the children directly, as its for charity.

LongWalkShortPlank · 03/01/2019 11:11

Yes i think you're being unreasonable. It's not YOURS, it's your children's and you could go online and sort it in minutes but you won't because you don't want to.

Mayrhofen · 03/01/2019 11:12

I really cant understand why you don't send him a nice thank you and ask if next year it can be given to his son as a) you are never in to take delivery and collection is a PIA and b) it will save him a fortune in postage.

Then don't collect any more.

Jon65 · 03/01/2019 11:16

They are the children's presents so not your decision to make.

cowfacemonkey · 03/01/2019 11:18

I’m on your side here OP. It’s fine if that’s the “gift” he wants to give but part of the gift should be him explaining it to your dc if it holds so much meaning to him. It’s not your job to teach your dc about you fil’s values. The money will have gone to the charity so they won’t miss out by you not collecting it. It wasn’t a gift really to your dc so they don’t need to be thankful to him and if he wants a pat on the back for his altruistic endeavours he should put the charity donation in his own name.

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