To ask about your decision not to have any more children?

[MissyCooper]

I’m feeling sad tonight. Holidays over. Back to work tomorrow. And I’m clearing out the kids’ rooms to make room for their mountains of new stuff, which means ruthless clearing of tiny toys and clothes.

My girls are 4 and 18 months and they’re my whole world. However, for various reasons (mainly financial) DH and I feel quite sure that we won’t be having any more children.

I know it’s the right thing for our family. but I feel so sad about it. Sad that the baby stage of my life is over. Sad that I’ll never buy tiny vests, bottles, nappies again.

It’s made me wonder if I’ll regret this decision in later life. It’s not that we can’t afford a third - we would manage - but it would be tight and I fear would negatively impact on the girls (also in terms of the time I spend with them etc). I feel like it would be selfish.

I just wondered if anyone else had experienced this and if there is anything that can help me come to terms with it? How did you make this decision?

Nearly the same as you two girls 8 mo and nearly 4. Am really enjoying the older girl , this Christmas we did the panto , iceskaing etc. want to just enjoy my life as they grow and not have to start again. I did get a pang donating my maternity clothes as I had a lovely pregnancy and a beautiful birth with my second but I’m looking at the long term picture.

I have 4 DC was still very sad about no more and sobbed and sobbed pre op when getting sterilised,

It's hard when you let head (and sanity) overrule your heart.

My DH got a vasectomy today - no more babies for us. I don’t think it will sink in for a while as we have 2DDs - baby is only 6 months now.

However I will be happy to never again have to be pregnant or go through birth again. Sorted out some of their baby clothes over the holidays and it will be nice to donate on to my family lots of lovely bits.

Looking forward to a second chance at a decent career (I’m only 30) and not having to worry about maternity leave etc

Occasionally I used to be envious of people with two but that faded with the teenage years. Three or more wouldn't have worked for us on any level so was never really mentioned.

Stopping at one, due to a complicated pregnancy, I can't do that again. Also didn't really enjoy the baby stage so happy with my decision (for now). Still young enough to change my mind in a few years though, but would be very concerned about having another complicated pregnancy

I actually don’t feel sad at all because every year I appreciate the things we are able to do that we couldn’t before. This year we went for a proper walk on xmas eve - sunny and frosty and lovely with a pub stop 😀
We’re going for a day out tomorrow that ds(5) will adore and I can really be there with him - no pausing for a baby or toddlers naps or nappy changes or feeds or being distracted.

We have 2 DDs now 18 yrs and 13 yrs. we stopped at 2, largely for the same reasons as you. Also, we had a big-ish age gap because I felt I would find anything smaller than 4 years too stressful and then, when the 2nd one reached 4, and the older one was 9, I felt it would affect them a great deal too. I adore tiny babies and fond night wakings easy to handle but find 18 months to about 3 yrs quite an exhausting stage. My hormones really wanted another baby but my head knew that I probably couldn’t handle another toddler. I still feel that ache around babies.
It got much easier though. I loved getting a smaller car - eco friendly, no room for a buggy or travel cot though. Holidays are cheaper and easier. We didn’t need to move house. The relationship between them is so easy and always has been. My friends with 3 spend a lot more time refereeing than me. Leaving the baby stage behind is really hard but the next stage of parenthood is easier and there’s still so much fun to have together - especially when you’re not stretched too thinly.

Then I guess when you come to the paying for university bit stopping at 2 seems an even better plan...

Me and DH decided we were done with our two because of finances and our youngest is a handful (currently being assessed/going through intense speech therapy). I honestly don't know how some of our friends manage with 3/4/5+

Severe PND made the decision for me and I wasn’t willing to risk my life again.
Obviously the baby and toddler stages were hard for me, from 4 onwards has been really great. I prefer children to babies!

Your not alone. I am nearly 39. I have 2DC I would loved another but financially we simply can't afford it. Things are financially tight on a week to week basis. We haven't had had a holiday abroad in 5 years, it would be totally unfair on the DC I have to make more cutbacks.
Maybe my age is making me brood, I am sure it will pass.

Sad that the baby stage of my life is over. Sad that I’ll never buy tiny vests, bottles, nappies again.

I'm just the opposite, I'm ecstatic to be past the nappy stage, and every year that DD becomes a more competent human being is better than the previous one. (She's eight now, I guess there could be reversals in future.)

I watched a movie that became available on Sky a few days, "Tully" starring Charlize Theron, and it seemed to be a 1.5 hour examination of what it means to be a SAHM mother of three, including one autistic child and a newborn. I joked to DW that it was a horror movie, the scenes of coping with a newborn were giving me flashbacks to a darker time.

I have 4 DC & often envy people who only have 2 (or 3, or 1...). Grass is always greener.

Mine are 10 and 5 and we considered a while ago (do pretty much happy to go along with whatever I decided)
I decided against it, lack of space, I wpuld make less money due to the job I do, we don't have the space and no chance of moving and the biggest factor was with DS2 my mental health suffered a lot so not sure how I would cope.
I had a good cry about it and still feel sad especially when I see people with 3 kids or someone I know has a baby. I know its the right decision bit I do feel like we are incomplete. Hope that feeling goes away.

Because small children can be torture, sleep deprivation is hell, and I absolutely love being able to have a conversation with them, and learn their thoughts.

Same fire suit. I literally come out in a cold sweat even contemplating going back to baby / toddler stage. I am the opposite of broody now. My sister has 3 under 5 and we love seeing them they are adorable but Jesus we drive away thanking our lucky stars we are done with that! Primary age years are fabulous bring on the teen years!

Like you, I think a family of four is enough for me. I get sad sometimes, my little boy is five and growing up and no longer likes kisses and barely allows me to cuddle him.
I get sad that I’ll never have another pregnancy or birth, or those first newborn cuddles.

Things that help me...
Thinking about having to get a bigger car,
Holidays are more expensive
We’d get in more debt that we’ve just started paying off
My only help other than DH is MIL and she’s getting on a bit

I’ve thought about fostering. I’ve calculated how long till I become a grandma!! I’ve eager encouraged friends to have more babies I can cuddle!
Soon I’ll accept it and move on, but not today xx

Mine are twins. I didn’t really enjoy being pregnant, the first year nearly broke me.

I got a little broody around the time they started school, but thought that I would have another 2 was genuinely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t cope again.

I had four. Two then a five year gap before the second two due to housing issues etc that were going on.

I still felt broody after the first two so had the second two but haven’t had the desire to have any more. Looking forward to grandchildren now (but not too soon).

Things have been easier with the gap as my adult children now help babysit their younger siblings so I get more freedom and I can plan holidays etc with just the two younger ones.

I felt like you, so we had #3

not helpful

I have two, 7 & 1.

I'm 27 but I will not be having any more children. Reason being I split with their father during my pregnancy and have no help from him physically or financially I rely on benefits. I get a couple of hours break here and there from my parents but other than that I care from them 100% alone.

I am not working at the moment and this year want to focus on studying and trying to get a career. I have done everything completely back to front, having children with no career behind me (quit my job after having my eldest) is the stupidest thing I have ever done and all I want to focus on is making a better life for the children I already have.

I also nearly died during birth with my second child. I would be at high risk of becoming ill if I was to get pregnant again. I would not risk this as 1) I would not want to take the chance and leave behind the children I already have and 2) there's a chance I would have to deliver prematurely and I couldn't cope with the stress of having a sick baby nor could I put a potential baby through that when I've already been warned this could happen.

I'm well aware that in 10+ years time my life could have changed financially and relationship wise wishul thinking and I may change my mind but quite honestly at this moment I have zero desire to have another child, the thought makes me miserable. I had my first at 19 and since then basically haven't been able to do anything that doesn't revolve round my children so I'm actually looking forward to my 40s to get a bit of freedom .

We were unable to have a second child due to secondary infertility and for a while I was sad about it. Then came a stage where I realised the age gap would just be too big and decided of my own accord that we should stop. DS is sixteen now and I am genuinely glad that I didn’t have any more children and I wouldn’t want another baby now if you paid me.

Also, I’ve never longed for the previous stages i.e. baby/toddler stage etc because although DS was actually a very easy child and I loved all those stages, I love that he’s now sixteen and I can have inteligent conversations with him about all manner of things. And although I am glad that I only have the one teenager and have to only go through the hard teenager bits once, I also love a lot of the teenage bits iyswim.

Me and S’ dad are no longer together and he has DC with his new partner. But because of the age gap etc there is no real relationship between those DC and DS, plus eXH will be well into his sixties before his youngest even leaves school. Nooooo thanks..... .

I have two 4 and 15 months, the fact my last baby is growing up makes me very sad and lots of my friends are now having babies, which makes it even worse, but there is no way we could afford another, we really struggle as it is. Plus as much as I love my DC they are a hand full and I don't think I could handle a third.

I have two, my youngest is just 4. I have no wish to go back to the baby days. I had birth complications with both, and really do not want to give birth again. Also they’ve both started sleeping so why ruin my sleep with a baby? I’m tired enough!

Plus now they’re both at school I have started to get some me time back which I am relishing (I work part time). I’ve joined a gym and it’s great. I miss my children being little but I don’t miss having a baby in the slightest.

Also it’s nice not to have to take a whole loads of stuff when I go out now.

Pregnant with number two and as long as everything goes well it will be our last baby. Only wanted 2 (as long this pregnancy isn't twins) as took till first was two and half to want another then took me 2 years to conceive. I will be 38 when baby is born and couldn't afford two in nursery so three is a no go and can't face TTC again.
No looking forward to the sleep deprivation of having a newborn though.