But the industry has worked very hard to capitalise on this and I think many couples aren't aware of the choices available to them and that THEY have the power - it's their money!
We need (as a whole in consumer issues not just weddings) to lose this ridiculous British (well I'd say English/Welsh as the scots & northern Irish are less likely generally to do this) reluctance to haggle, negotiate, expect quality service/products for our money. Being too willing to accept the first price quoted. We're also very bad at complaining in the uk!
Our wedding was a "big white wedding" but we did it on a budget. My now ex was initially very uncomfortable when I'd do things like ask for a better price or an extra thrown in, then someone he knew in the hotel industry told him about how much extra they charge wedding parties compared to other occasions - then he got mad at the injustice and was all for me negotiating!
There's a lot of comments on this thread about "it's so much more expensive to have a Saturday wedding" yet couples are accepting this without telling the vendors that this is unacceptable! It doesn't cost hotels etc more to provide your wedding needs on a Saturday, they just know that people are willing to pay more for it! If more couples started saying instead of opting for a midweek wedding at the same venue "actually we're taking our business elsewhere" they'd soon change their tune!
"I know this because I checked with people first" the difference here is that you HAVE considered your guests. It's the couples who DON'T - eg half their families are teachers and they choose a wed term time date - that are inconsiderate, ESPECIALLY when they then kick off at those that decline.
"Plus to have had a Saturday wedding would have been at least £1500 extra" has it occurred to you to ask the venue why that is? Because I can tell you in all likelihood there's no good reason. They don't pay their staff more for doing Saturday weddings and the food & drink prices are the same!
"Now, it would add considerable expense because so many people we know have children" again, children especially young children don't eat as much as adults and they're not drinking alcohol! So why are they priced at full adult per head prices? Couples should be challenging venues on this! I've even heard (and seen on mn) venues charging full price for newborn bf babies! It's costing them NOTHING for the child to be there it's a rip off!
"I hope that you're saving that one up for when he and his wife have children. Revenge is a dish best served ice cold." Absolutely! What a total self absorbed twat!!
"Having a weekday wedding saved us like £20k." See that's absolutely ludicrous! No way the venue was saving that much by you having it then!
"it's their day, not a social for the guests.
So they should elope and get married on their own, then.
so being invited should be honour enough.
Honour? FFS."
Totally agree! It's not an honour! Wtf! Who do you think you are if you think an invite to your wedding is an honour?!
"We only ever hear from midweek wedding holders who were fine with people opting out on threads like these." True mostly, but there are threads started by bridezillas - especially at peak wedding season - where they're spitting the dummy because someone they've invited has declined because they're skint/on a tenuous zero hours contract/sick/heavily pregnant. They're usually roundly told "well what did you expect?! Your wedding day may be important to you it's just another day to them and they can't help being X y z don't be so selfish!" At which point they usually flounce and thread gets deleted "for privacy reasons"🙄
"it wasn’t so much an invite as an invoice, he had to fork out £200 for the accommodation chosen by the bride and groom, £100 for suit hire, £300 for the stag weekend, plus all the other costs." This is a nasty Americanism that's crept in - expecting bridal party to pay for stuff the bride & groom have chosen! No! If you ask someone to do you the FAVOUR of being in your bridal party YOU pay for the clothes, you let them choose accommodation they can afford & this utterly ridiculous situation with stag and hen dos involving basically a full holiday abroad is bonkers!!
Until really quite recently they were stag and hen NIGHTS! Not a bloody fortnight in Barbados! It's supposed to be a "last night of freedom" blowing off steam and marking the end of singledom.
On mn and in real life some brides and grooms are even having 2 or 3 stag/hen HOLIDAYS. It's self indulgent crap! And they also put pressure on bridal party people to attend them all with NO thought as to the cost (financially AND in time off work) to those people.
"It can cost less to do so on a Wednesday, which is why people make that choice." But none of you are questioning WHY!
"I think that's why I like Scottish weddings so much, the lack of restrictions in where you can have a wedding ceremony means that the prices are kept reasonably in check due to larger competition as no wedding licences required." I've been trying (as a Scot) to bite my tongue - but this is so true.
"I think weddings in far flung, expensive locations take the piss somewhat, unless the intention is actually to reduce the guest list." I do NOT understand couples who choose to get married in eg Bali...and are then surprised when most decline! Again maybe a generational thing but long distance/destination weddings for my lot were basically elopements! Very few people can even afford the flights!!
"Also bear in mind that not everyone marries someone from the same home town (which is just as well for the gene pool, really)" haha that made me laugh - cos where I'm living currently - lets just say there's not a great variety of surnames! Totally off topic but I was discussing with dd the other day and pointed out to her out of her over 500 Facebook friends there's only about half a dozen different surnames! They're mostly local youngsters her own age, she had a bit of a 😱 moment when I was pointing out the relationships between various people (it was easy to work out - but it led to her realisation that quite a few of her friends have at least dated blood relatives!)
My ex and I met somewhere with no relation to our families or towns of origin - but as we got to know each other our families are actually from towns less than an hour apart! We met over 300 miles away from both towns.
Re "community centre" weddings as I said that's basically what we did and it was 1/5 of the price we'd been quoted by "official" venues! It just takes some organisation and thinking outside the box. I was recently posting on a "how to do a wedding cheaply" thread and pointed out all the ways we'd saved. I think the main way is to avoid "wedding vendors" we didn't use any specifically wedding people except for the photographer and the cars - and the photographer I negotiated a deal with. Everything else was "normal" often small local businesses who provided excellent products/services for much less than if we'd gone to those who advertised themselves as "wedding specialists".
Honestly, I'm telling you it's a total con! It doesn't cost a "wedding" florist any more to buy the flowers from the wholesaler OR to make up the bouquet than it does your local independent, been around 30 years florist! They just know people are inexperienced on organising events like this and can be persuaded conned into paying more. I had one "wedding" florist try and tell me my flowers I wanted would be expensive as they were out of season - shot herself in the foot there as mum a keen gardener and it was the height of the season for that flower.
"but I don't see how a rediculous invite is less offensive than no invite." I think it's more offensive because it's putting the onus on the people invited to be "the bad guys" if they decline. Anyone with real class doesn't put someone they care about in that position. Agree it also usually "gift grabbing" they don't really want you to come but they want your contribution.
"If you got invited to a birthday party in a different city or had to get a taxi for, let’s say, a Christening, would you see that as an insult or is it just Weddings that have to be completely convenient for every guest or else the hosts are deemed selfish, impolite and unfeeling?" To be fair christenings are starting to get silly now too!
"But the 50+ rarely seem to comprehend how expensive weddings are now" I'm not sure that's true. It's more likely they understand they don't NEED to be so expensive!
I do think it's rude to expect guests to travel and be in attendance for more than a couple of hours and not feed them properly. It's also a recipe for disaster in terms of grumpy and/or more drunk than necessary guests.