To think that it's always rich people who insist that money isn't important/doesn't matter?

[KissHerYouBrilliantFool]

As per title really!

DH's friend has a successful business and he and his wife clearly have plenty of money. The wife makes a big deal both on social media and in person about all of the Louboutin shoes and Louis Vuitton bags she buys, and the expensive holidays they go on, and about the fact that their children attend a private school, yet she is always sharing Memes on social media about 'collect memories with your child, not stuff', and 'children need your presence not presents', and always says things like 'I'd give someone my last fiver if they needed it. Money doesn't matter to me in the slightest'

Likewise I have just seen this evening on Instagram that an 'Instamum' who is clearly pretty well off financially (nice clothes, nice holidays, private medical treatment etc) is absolutely up in arms because someone sent her a PM saying that parenting is far easier if you have money like she does! She is protesting rather too much and is insisting it's not easier for her, but there is no doubt that money makes things easier in general!

AIBU to think that it's always rich people who insist that money does not matter? AIBU to think it's a bit patronising that they say this?

Money matters very much when you need it to feed, clothe and shelter yourself.

After that, it has diminishing returns.

People who say it doesn’t matter have never had to live without the subsistence level of money and thus have no true idea of money’s real importance.

Yanbu. poverty has a habit of restricting your options hugely and causing unbelievable stress having to constantly think about money and how to afford anything. It's easy to say you don't need money when you have all the basics covered!!!

I was raised working class, but am now wealthy. My parents remarkably shielded us from the concept that we were poor, even though my dad recently shared that he had a moment as a young father, crying over the fact that his only pair of shoes were trashed and he didn’t know when he’d next have money to buy a new pair. I just knew a father who was doting, who made up elaborate games, and who laboured for days, making us forts from bits of old wood.

Flash forward to now, and I want my children to have that same sense of belonging. They live in a different monetary world, but it isn’t the “things” they want—they want our time and love.

But I’m not going to lie—having money is the grease that keeps the cogs running smoothly.

Totally agree OP. And they are the ones that if you say this think you are talking about a new car or clothes. When actually they ignore that money gives you choices. The choice to live somewhere that is safe and away from awful neighbours. The choice to send your kids to a decent school, etc etc. It is not material stuff that really matters, it is all those important choices people with money have access to.

I have been fairly (unable to afford enough food) poor and I am now comfortably off.

Anyone who says money doesn't matter is naive or a fucking liar.

Yes, I still have problems now, but it's so much easier to deal with those problems when you can just throw money at all the other things that need to be dealt with (e.g. too depressed to cook and clean? Just pay someone else to do it while you concentrate on recovery. Or when my sibling died being able to jump on a plane to my family, and knowing I could just buy food on the journey or a hotel room if needed).

Yes, there are important things that aren't money related, but having money buys you the time to actually appreciate that, as opposed to working such long hours you never get to see your kids etc.

Since becoming more well off I have never felt that true level of despair and seeing no options that I did while poor.

I do agree that once you are out of poverty then increasing the amount of money has less of an affect on happiness. But at the bottom end, money matters so much.

They don't actually believe it. They say it to appear less materialistic, but the majority of the rich are the polar opposite, they care about it a lot. Tax havens anybody? What they really mean is that they don't worry about money. Those that really don't care about it give it away quietly and are not on social media posting naff quotes.

Money is totally important until you have enough to cover your basic needs. It's quite important to have some spare for small luxuries then it's nice to have but doesn't increase happiness at the same rate.

There is an exponential relationship between money and happiness.

I think that if you have experienced poverty and being unable to pay your bills or even to buy enough food, it's difficult to believe that someone who has never been in that position can appreciate how that feels. Fearing a knock on the door from a debt collector, not wanting to answer the phone because you know you haven't paid the gas bill or the mortgage and it might be them calling about it. Having to ask relatives for a loan because you can't even borrow from the bank, or having to accept food parcels from them (Knowing full well that the "leftovers" you have been given were purposely created for you, but called leftovers so you don't feel so bad). It sucks.

Like a pp, I am now comfortable and can breathe for the first time - even DH having to give up work because of his health has barely made a detrimental impact thanks to a well timed promotion - but the fear of not having enough money won't go, and so I have kept my second job on, even though it's pocket money really, just in case things go tits up and I need the money. It feels novel to be in a position where if I need to repair or replace something (Like the washing machine for example) I can just go ahead and do it, whereas previously we would have needed to either save up and go without until we had enough money, or borrow from my folks. I am not sure that people who say money doesn't matter can always relate to that experience.

Money makes life easier in certain ways.

I never have to worry about bills. I pay for a cleaner and have laundry taken out.

On the other hand, I have MS and every single day is a struggle. I’m so weak and tired all the time. It’s relentless. It’s torture.

Your health is absolutely priceless

Every day I wish I could clean my own damn house and load my own damn washing machine. I’d pay any money to be a healthy, functioning person.

Sorry for the pity party.

I'd just say to them, when is the last time they were hungry. Not because they were dieting, but because they had given their kids the last of the food in the house & had no money for any more. And lied to their kids that they'd eat some other time. When did they last go to the supermarket 5 times a day for loo roll when it was their period week, because they had no money for sanpro. When did they last have wet feet because their shoes had holes in & they couldn't afford new ones and pay the rent & utility bills that month. Never? What a surprise.

I still let my DD get the free fruit at the supermarket, & I finish it if she can't or doesn't want to. (I'm so glad ours do the free fruit for kids scheme! It quite often serves as the weekend lunch for DD during lean months. Which is pretty crap really.)

My DH was made redundant in September and has done odd days here and there but not found a job yet. We have had to massively adjust our budget. But my SIL with her holiday home in a ski resort ,expensive alternative therapies, and golf club memberships has been ringing DH and saying 'Ohhh. We are feeling the pinch too, we are going to cancel niece's riding lessons if they go up again'. If its a way of showing empathy, its almost insulting.

Ask anyone having to go to a food bank if they think life is easier with or without money. Money doesn't buy happiness but it doesn't buy unhappiness either. I wouldn't rather be unhappy knowing the roof over my helad is paid up, bills are settled and there is food in the fridge.

Anyone who buys Luis Vuitton bags etc must be new money because old money are very careful to hand the money down through the family for generations and are quite skinflinty.

Of course money makes things easier. Anyone who says any different is a liar.

It's different mindsets.

People with money recognise money as a tool, only.

It's not assigned as something bad or good.

When money is tight....money can get assigned as something negative.

OP I have a friend like the one you mentioned. Makes a big deal with every new purchase, flying first class bleuchh and so on. Yet she's the first to say, she's the least materialistic person and hates consumerism and materialistic people.

Money might not buy happiness but it can certainly remove many of the barriers to happiness.

Those who say “you don’t need money to be happy” have no clue of the misery caused by poverty, the stress it causes, the impact on health and family relationships. It comes across as patronising and sanctimonious.

Money can't buy you happiness but it gives you a better standard of misery.

I wouldn’t say it doesn’t matter, but I suppose I am able to not worry about it.

We were skint. Our home was repossessed after our business collapsed and actually just feeding the kids was a struggle at times.

Then the stress of it all led my DH to a massive heart attack. We were told, after being without a pulse for 15 minutes it was unlikely he’d pull through. A ‘less than 5% chance’ was how it was worded.

By some miracle he did survive. He has some issues due to the long time without oxygen but he’s here and he’s healthy enough to live a full and happy life.

Suddenly our perspective changed. Of course bills need to be paid and we needed to eat but beyond that we just didn’t give a shiny shit about the rest.

My mum's like this - she's had enough money to be comfortable for many decades, but not all her life, so she should know better.

But if something happens which is going to cost someone else a lot of money to sort out she will attempt to be comforting by saying "it's only money, at least everyone is alright". Which is all well and good, and of course people are infinitely more important than things or money but for example several thousand to fix a car unexpectedly can be a massive hit and it's infuriating to hear, the very opposite of comforting!

YANBU

I do agree with that- very easy to say when you have no money worries or issues.

As for Instagram- I've still not signed up despite pressures from certain friends and acquaintances.

It all sounds like bollocks, just another platform to show off!

I totally agree, it’s a luxury to be able to choose happiness. But I guess they’re saying it to fellow rich or well off people.

It’s like the little memes about how we can’t expect to be happy all the time and we all can’t deal with negative emotions. Well tell that to someone with severe mental health problems who would do anything to feel happy or normal.

People use social media to portray an image of who they WANT to be, not who they are

So your friend is materialistic, but would like to be thought of as someone who does not care about stuff

It's very common

Same as people portraying super happy families, usually all is not as it seems....

It sounds like my MIL. She says money doesn't matter, but she hates that I live I a flat in the cheap end of town and hates that I have no external markers of wealth. People from all ends of the scale value money more then they let on.

I was in a life changing car accident. And live in a country without disability allowance. My son is now a paraplegic and I am what they worked out as 41% disabled. I could get better, but there is a chance I could not.
Obviously, I lost my job, but you know what? We were alive. And so grateful. And money doesn't matter. We were here.
Two years on and I can't help thinking that it would've been better if I'd died. We pay our mortgage only very 3 months.
We have no money for food and our debt is piling up.
My other (teenaged) son is missing out on everything and have had to learn to cope with 2 disabled people in the house. Life Is pretty shit.

Then you have my wealthy in-laws.... also had life changing health problems over the same period. Nothing in their lives have changed. They've still gone on holidays abroad, 5 times a year.
And they have the audacity to tell us, that there are people worse off than us. Of course I know that! But knowing that doesn't put food on the table.
My family is not well off. Yet they they send us any spare cash they can.
The wealthy in-laws, on the other hand, tells us that any money they 'lend' us, is taking money out of one of their 6 properties. And that we will need to pay it back.
I may be a bit bitter. Sorry. I suppose it's what being poor does to you.
We won't always be this bad. The accident wasn't my fault and there are contingencies in place, but it will take at least 6 years to pay off.

In the meantime, we have to stress about food, and school fees, and clothes, whilst being 'grateful' to be alive.
If we we were comfortably off, I wouldn't have to work in a minimum wage job, all the hours God sends, to try to make ends meet. I could concentrate on getting fully better, being a good parent, and not being exhausted from pain at th end of the day.

Money does matter. I don't want an excess, just enough so that I can focus on the important things in life.

Slightly off topic, but I do know one thing, money definitely does not make anyone a better person.

You are not wrong there op