To think that it's always rich people who insist that money isn't important/doesn't matter?

[KissHerYouBrilliantFool]

As per title really!

DH's friend has a successful business and he and his wife clearly have plenty of money. The wife makes a big deal both on social media and in person about all of the Louboutin shoes and Louis Vuitton bags she buys, and the expensive holidays they go on, and about the fact that their children attend a private school, yet she is always sharing Memes on social media about 'collect memories with your child, not stuff', and 'children need your presence not presents', and always says things like 'I'd give someone my last fiver if they needed it. Money doesn't matter to me in the slightest'

Likewise I have just seen this evening on Instagram that an 'Instamum' who is clearly pretty well off financially (nice clothes, nice holidays, private medical treatment etc) is absolutely up in arms because someone sent her a PM saying that parenting is far easier if you have money like she does! She is protesting rather too much and is insisting it's not easier for her, but there is no doubt that money makes things easier in general!

AIBU to think that it's always rich people who insist that money does not matter? AIBU to think it's a bit patronising that they say this?

It certainly easier to do a lot of parenting when you're not constantly gnawed at by the worry of bill paying. But having quite a lot of money brings its own trials. Perhaps a more charitable way of looking at it is that these people recognize their material possessions are not their most precious belongings? It is family and memories that matter most.

I totally agree

Money makes things easier but it isn’t important and doesn’t matter. If you raise your child the same - experiences can be as fulfilling and educational if hey are free as when they are expensive!

I agree with you OP. I speak as someone raised in poverty who now has a decent living.

I’m petrified of not having a decent income.

Completely agree. I don’t think money necessarily makes you happy but being poor can make you very miserable!

I agree, money is important, it pays the bills, and puts a roof over your head, clothes on your back and food on the table, it is easy to say when you are not worried about how to pay the bills at the end of the month, or where the next meal is coming from. She is being a bit crass, money does not buy class.

Well I actually completely agree with you but my dp always says money doesn't matter to him and it's not import and and we are definitely not rich and he came from a very poor background. I know what you mean though.

Fuck yeah you're not wrong. Being poor is shit. It causes stress and anxiety, not good for being a relaxed and involved parent. The more money I have had the easier it has been. Obvs I'm not minted but worrying everyday and wondering if you have enough this month to buy food AND heat is not conducive to happy memories.

Money makes things easier but it isn’t important and doesn’t matter.

It died if you can’t afford a winter coat. Or decent meals. Or the school trip everyone is going on. Or to replace lost school uniform or broken shoes.

We had milk tokens and school uniform vouchers and supermarkets didn’t sell cheap school uniform when I was at school.

Money definitely matters.

If they didn't flaunt their material possessions quite so much I'd be more inclined to believe that money didn't matter to them. It just seems a bit patronising and 'trying to fit in with the little people' of them.

I’m poor and happy. Money stress obviously has an impact and I’m not at the point of worrying about losing my home (rented) but we don’t have any real spare income. We used to. We find we’re happier when we have less money which is both strange and not.

*does, not died obviously.

The only people who say ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’ are people who’ve never known poverty.

However, whether she’s wealthy or not she’s not wrong to have the view that it’s relationships and time spent with loved ones that matters more than giving your kids excessive amounts of material items. The first two examples you give “collect memories with your child, not stuff', and 'children need your presence not presents’“ are both totally fair and I agree with them, her being minted doesn’t contravene her belief in those statements.

The last fiver bit is a bit gauche though when she probably will never be in that position. I’d be tempted to ask what charities she donates to given that money doesn’t matter to her and she’s so willing to share her fortune. But... she actually might! And you don’t know she hasn’t grown up in poverty or had hard times herself.

I think it's just one of those grass is greener things. It takes having money to realize that money doesn't matter. Because you realize your problems haven't magically disappeared because there is another couple of zeros when you open your banking app. But when you don't have it it can be hard to see the issues that the lack of money is a symptom of rather than the cause of.

Well I actually completely agree with you but my dp always says money doesn't matter to him and it's not import and and we are definitely not rich and he came from a very poor background

Maybe I’m nitpicking but I think there’s a difference between ‘money doesn’t matter to me’, which usually indicates that someone feels that the things in their life that can’t be bought mean more to them than material possessions, they’re not interested in chasing a higher and higher income etc, and ‘money doesn’t buy happiness’, which is so clearly incorrect when the inverse is so true (a lack of money makes you fucking miserable, ask someone who can’t afford to get off the streets if money wouldn’t buy them happiness).

Money doesn’t buy happiness though. Money can buy protection from misery (having a warm house, food etc) but it doesn’t buy happiness.

I knew a hippy type who insisted money doesn't matter, but mysteriously he still needed it for drink, drugs, rent etc.

The only people who say money doesn't buy happiness have never known poverty

Really? Does it make a difference whether you blow your brains out in the shower of a motel one or the plaza hotel presidential suite?

Well, money doesn’t matter except when you haven’t got enough to feed the family til the end of the week, fix the broken boiler in winter, or afford new winter shoes for your kids at the start of the September term.

It’s bollocks to say that money doesn’t matter and that lack of it doesn’t cause stress in situations like that.

How many school days is it that girls lose because they can’t afford sanpro?

However, once the basics are secure it is 100% possible for a happy, optimistic family to enjoy a bucket and spade holiday in a rented static caravan as much as an expensive foreign hol. I know this from my own background. And people who grow up learning to have fun and be self sufficient in other ways without relying on money / expensive resources are more resilient, I think.

But if you have the opportunity to see the wonders of the world and to visit other climates and cultures, then that is incredibly valuable too.

Shoes and over-spec’d cars? Not important, IMO.

Oh, wankers who bang on about how superior they are because they 'don't care about money or material things' are always people who are comfortably off.

The Instamum has had swathes of equally wealthy Instamums piling on her post, being indignant on her behalf and agreeing that money doesn't matter! It's laughable! Oh the irony!

You can be poor and happy, you can be rich and unhappy. Money isn't everything; maybe consider that those who have it are speaking from experience.

I think you're being over-sensitive to feel patronised.

Money gives you choices and freedom. You can experience the same health conditions, mental or physical, loneliness, knocks in life but having money means you can seek help.
Money makes life easier.

Presumably what the instamums are telling you is that despite their wealth, they are unhappy.

I agree to a point but there are poor people who maintain the same. One of my colleagues who earns £40k rents a tiny state-owned flat, drives a car worth probably £100 and gives almost all her money away. She never preaches though, just lives true to her beliefs.