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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH won’t let me regift

86 replies

Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 12:21

My SIL bought DH and me an ornament for Christmas. It’s completely not my style and doesn’t fit in with the type of furnishings we have in the house either.

We have a friend who’s getting married this month and we need to buy her a wedding gift. I’d like to regift this ornament as it’s very her (she collects similar items) but DH has flatly refused.

I’m annoyed about it as we have very little spare cash at the moment due to Christmas. Not regifting means we’ll have to spend £60 we don’t have on a similar gift for our friend, while having an ornament I don’t particularly like on display in our home. AIBU to be annoyed at DH?

OP posts:
superram · 01/01/2019 12:21

Just wrap it up and say nothing.

Jammysod · 01/01/2019 12:23

Dh probably doesn't want to offend his sister. Can you stick it somewhere out of sight... Bathroom perhaps?

KC225 · 01/01/2019 12:24

I agree with the above poster, wrap it up say nothing.

TheBigBangRocks · 01/01/2019 12:24

If it was just yours it's fine to regift but it was his present to so you can't just take it.

Unless the wedding invite has only just arrived you should have budgeted for a gift not waited for Christmas to see if you could reuse something.

SoyDora · 01/01/2019 12:24

Does your DH like it?

halcyondays · 01/01/2019 12:25

Does he like it?

Can you suggest doing a cheap Secret Santa next year (or no adult gifts) rather than expensive presents?

Tryingbutfailingmiserably · 01/01/2019 12:25

I really hate this whole thing around re-gifting. I'm with your DH on this one. I would feel so embarrassed/sad if I knew someone had re-gifted something I had got them

katekat383 · 01/01/2019 12:25

He’s quite right. What an idea.

AlexaShutUp · 01/01/2019 12:25

YANBU, but I understand where he is coming from too - it feels a bit ungrateful to pass on a gift that someone has taken the time to choose for you.

Given that you're short of money and you will have to buy something similar for your friend anyway, it does seem sensible to pass it on. Is DH expecting you to display it somewhere that SIL will see it when she visits?

luckylavender · 01/01/2019 12:25

@TheBigBangRocks - goady much?

GooodMythicalMorning · 01/01/2019 12:25

If its both of yours of course you can't! just yours is to do with as you wish but not if it belongs to both.

Eliza9917 · 01/01/2019 12:28

@tryingbutfailingmiserably would you rather they display and look at something they don't like?

MrsGarethSouthgate · 01/01/2019 12:28

As SIL in this case is presumably his sister, I think he gets to decide what happens with the gift. He may well like it, or just not want to offend her. Both are excellent reasons for not wanting to give away a gift your sibling has bought for you.

If the OP was posting about her husband wanting to give away a gift that her sibling had bought when she didn't want to, would people think it was acceptable for him to 'just wrap it up anyway'?

FuckingYuleLog · 01/01/2019 12:29

I’ve no problem with regifting in principle but is your sil going to find out? Does she visit you and will she ask where it is? Does she also know your friend? Does your dh like the ornament? Maybe he could put it on his bedside table 😂

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2019 12:30

Does your husband like the ornament? You say it was a gift for both of you but only talk of how it's not your style. What about him?

TwistedStitch · 01/01/2019 12:31

It was a joint gift, and it's his sister who could end up being offended if she found out. YABU.

Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 12:32

DH doesn’t particularly like it either but is worried about offending his sister.

Tryingbutfailing surely regifting is a great way of cutting consumption - you don’t like something or have no use for it, so you pass it onto someone who does! Do you keep every single item that people have given you over the years on display?

It’s not that we can’t afford to buy my friend something else, but I’d rather save the money than spend it, especially when we have something to hand that we can give her and she’ll appreciate. Otherwise it’s just wasteful IMO.

OP posts:
eggsandwich · 01/01/2019 12:35

put it on his bedside table.

Topseyt · 01/01/2019 12:35

If SIL is DH's sister and it was a joint gift to both of you then you can't just do as you please here.

Maybe DH likes the ornament and wishes to keep the gift from his sister?

More information needed.

gamerchick · 01/01/2019 12:37

Personally I would just do it. I dislike shared gifts though.

woolduvet · 01/01/2019 12:39

Second the put it on his bedside table idea

Topseyt · 01/01/2019 12:40

OK, I see that he isn't that keen on it either.

He is still reluctant because he doesn't want to risk offending his sister. That is a valid concern and I think you should just let it go. Buy your friend a similar gift. In time DH might be ready to let this ornament go, but for now he isn't.

mininionsteve · 01/01/2019 12:41

Do it have a child or a pet that could "break" it. Re-gift without saying anything and then blame the dog for breaking it. If you know your friend will love it go for it.

Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 12:44

I suppose I could store it away but remember to get it out when SIL comes over. Which sounds ridiculous, but I suppose we have no choice as otherwise we will risk offending her. What an odd way to live!

OP posts:
Myimaginaryreindeerhasfleas · 01/01/2019 12:46

In theory I can see the logic in regifting but it just doesn't sit well from a good manners point of view. It's unfortunate you got something that isn't your taste, but that's often the case with gifts. Sorry, but I think you are stuck with it for a while till it either meets with an accident or is taken to live out the rest of its life on the ornament farm.