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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH won’t let me regift

86 replies

Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 12:21

My SIL bought DH and me an ornament for Christmas. It’s completely not my style and doesn’t fit in with the type of furnishings we have in the house either.

We have a friend who’s getting married this month and we need to buy her a wedding gift. I’d like to regift this ornament as it’s very her (she collects similar items) but DH has flatly refused.

I’m annoyed about it as we have very little spare cash at the moment due to Christmas. Not regifting means we’ll have to spend £60 we don’t have on a similar gift for our friend, while having an ornament I don’t particularly like on display in our home. AIBU to be annoyed at DH?

OP posts:
Fantasisa · 01/01/2019 13:14

Yanbu. I hate waste too, your mistake was not just squirrelling it away and regifting it without discussion Grin

TheMincePiesAreMine · 01/01/2019 13:14

I think you should go with your DH on this one. Keep the ornament for a year and give your friend a different wedding gift. Then once your SIL has seen the ornament at yours a couple of times, offer it to your friend as a freebie, not a wedding gift.

Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 13:15

I think you should go with your DH on this one. Keep the ornament for a year and give your friend a different wedding gift. Then once your SIL has seen the ornament at yours a couple of times, offer it to your friend as a freebie, not a wedding gift.

That sounds like a reasonable solution MincePies!

OP posts:
ruthieness · 01/01/2019 13:16

definitely regift - I hate waste - but maybe you will be also be guilty of imposing your idea of their taste on the new recipient?

people have to be arrogant or stupid to think they can choose an "ornament" for someone else's home
well if they are arrogant they do not deserve consideration
and if they are stupid they will probably forget what they bought soon enough.
They have not really thought about you - they have probably bought something that they like themselves!

ruthieness · 01/01/2019 13:18

I see that the new recipient "collects" these items so probably ok then!

XiCi · 01/01/2019 13:20

Id feel such a tightwad if I gave a friend an unwanted gift as a wedding present. I just wouldn't do this unless I was on the absolute breadline! I don't think you can get tighter than that. If you really dislike it then just offer it to your friend but buy her a decent wedding gift separate to that. Sounds like your husband may like the present though.

Poshjock · 01/01/2019 13:21

I agree with others that you can't do anything without your DH blessing. I think a chat together about the ridiculousness of displaying/storing something neither of you like to appease an occasional guest is in order and he can't be persuaded to your very sensible solution (giving it a home where it will be valued) then I guess what will actually happen has been predicted already by MincePies

Aridane · 01/01/2019 13:22

Two choices: regift it or accidentally break it

Or perhaps let DH keep the gift from his sister?

SummerStrong · 01/01/2019 13:23

I’d never buy someone an ornament unless I was 100% certain

That's what your SIL thought Grin

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 01/01/2019 13:24

I think it's wrong and ungrateful to regift. Even more so when it's not yours to regift -it's a joint present.

But then I also think it's sad to think things have to fit with a style of furniture Hmm

thebaronetofcockburn · 01/01/2019 13:28

It's not entirely yours to regift! You seem to think your opinion is superior to your husband's, but it isn't, it's his gift, too, he doesn't want to regift it. People who suggest breaking it or giving it away without his permission, ffs, if a woman posted on here that her husband had purposely broken property given to both of them or re-gifted it behind her back she'd be told he's an abusive bastard and to ltb.

He doesn't want to re-gift it! So you don't. It's his, too. Hmm

TheMincePiesAreMine · 01/01/2019 13:30

Also your friend may collect these items but I do find that makes it a slightly odd wedding gift, which by definition is to the couple not the individual. Unless her fiance also collects them...?

thebaronetofcockburn · 01/01/2019 13:30

Exactly, XiCi. Very tight and also pretty nasty to want to re-gift something that's the h's, too, and he wants to keep.

needmorespace · 01/01/2019 13:30

I agree with TripTrap. I have things in my house that my kids have bought and stuff that friends/family have given me over the years. They spent time and money buying me something they thought I would like. I can't get my head around getting rid of something because it doesn't fit in Hmm
Rather I can look at something my kids bought and smile.

WanderingTrolley1 · 01/01/2019 13:31

What if SIL asks about it/wants to see it on display - what would you say??

SoyDora · 01/01/2019 13:31

If a family member gifted something to me and my DH jointly and he wanted to give it away and I didn’t, and I then found he had done it anyway or ‘accidently’ dropped it I’d be pretty pissed off!

Yabbers · 01/01/2019 13:33

Why not suggest re-gifting, and using whatever money you would put towards a wedding gift to something you’d both like.

I get the offending thing, but surely she risked that by buying something like an ornament when you clearly don’t collect such things. Sounds like not a whole lot of thought went in to it.

If I bought a gift someone didn’t like, I’d be mortified that I got something so wrong and would be more than happy for them to swap it for something they actually liked or needed.

Yabbers · 01/01/2019 13:33

I bet it was a re-gift from her 😂

Tattletale · 01/01/2019 13:34

My SIL regifted an item for my DH's birthday that we had given them for xmas. Now that was awkward...

comebacksoonsusan · 01/01/2019 13:36

Maybe it was a regift from SIL...

jessstan2 · 01/01/2019 13:42

Dongdingdong, we sure do complicate matters for ourselves!
I agree with you about putting in a cupboard and bringing it out when sis comes over. It's a very kind solution and will cost you nothing.
Well done! Flowers

Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 13:43

I bet it was a re-gift from her 😂

@yabbers haha!

OP posts:
Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 13:46

Dongdingdong, we sure do complicate matters for ourselves! I agree with you about putting in a cupboard and bringing it out when sis comes over. It's a very kind solution and will cost you nothing. Well done!

Thank you Jess - I think that is what I’ll do. But I must make sure I remember to get it out each time before she arrives!

OP posts:
Butterflycookie · 01/01/2019 13:52

Can you give it with another gift aswell?

Belindabauer · 01/01/2019 13:55

mincepies has the best solution.
I hate receiving regifted things. Yes I can tell because we always ask what people would like and they do the same for us.
I've bought and received days out type gifts so for example been taken to the theatre for a show I have wanted to see.
I thought most people ask for cash as wedding gifts now.