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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that DH won’t let me regift

86 replies

Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 12:21

My SIL bought DH and me an ornament for Christmas. It’s completely not my style and doesn’t fit in with the type of furnishings we have in the house either.

We have a friend who’s getting married this month and we need to buy her a wedding gift. I’d like to regift this ornament as it’s very her (she collects similar items) but DH has flatly refused.

I’m annoyed about it as we have very little spare cash at the moment due to Christmas. Not regifting means we’ll have to spend £60 we don’t have on a similar gift for our friend, while having an ornament I don’t particularly like on display in our home. AIBU to be annoyed at DH?

OP posts:
LaurieMarlow · 01/01/2019 12:49

It's a joint gift so you can't override his wishes. Sorry.

Put it somewhere unobtrusive and get something else for the wedding.

chicaguapa · 01/01/2019 12:49

I would definitely regift it in this situation. You could buy something you would both like with the money you've saved on the wedding present and if your SIL asks about the ornament, say you swapped it for something else that you'd had your eye on (or some similar excuse).

I find it really disrespectful when unwanted gifts are stuck away in a cupboard instead of being exchanged for something they'd like. If I'd spent my money on something I'd much rather it was put to better use than wasted.

ChesterGreySideboard · 01/01/2019 12:50

This is why I almost never buy people things like ornaments. Why should I dictate how someone else decorates their house?

Now the op is stuck with having to have something on display so she doesn’t upset someone else.

makingmammaries · 01/01/2019 12:53

I’d regift it. Why collect clutter that you don’t even like?

Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 12:54

Our house is small (London!) so there isn’t really anywhere unobtrusive to put it unfortunately.

OP posts:
AnnaMagnani · 01/01/2019 12:56

Why did you ask?

How often does his DS come over? If rarely, then no issue. If often, then it's met a tragic accident. Job done.

Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 12:56

This is why I almost never buy people things like ornaments. Why should I dictate how someone else decorates their house?

Same here Chester. It’s such a personal thing! BIL bought us booze and tickets to a show we’d mentioned that we wanted to see. Now that’s my kind of present!

OP posts:
Geepee71 · 01/01/2019 12:57

Tough one. I maybe wouldn't re-gift, but give it to friend if she expresses an interest in it.
I wouldn't display it as SIL will think you like it and potentially buy you a similar item next Christmas

themummyonthebus · 01/01/2019 13:00

Just regift it 🤷🏼‍♀️ It's the ecological thing to do if you both dislike it and have no room to store it.

SummerStrong · 01/01/2019 13:00

DH doesn't want you to give something away that was given to him by his sister. Respect his wishes.

(If you think it's not appropriate to give people gifts of ornaments in case you get their taste wrong why would you want to give your friend the same as a wedding present?)

Singlenotsingle · 01/01/2019 13:01

I got a cheese and wine tasting experience. I don't like cheese and I don't really drink! Shock What do I do with it?

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2019 13:01

No-one should be forced to end up with a houseful of shite.

I like the Marie Kondo approach of, do you, love it, need it, does it spark joy. If not give someone else the chance to love it.

We don't do Adult presents anymore and when we did, they were chosen from a list, or edible.

Does your DH, love it or need it? Ask him if he really wants to give it house space and ask him to choose something to get rid of in its place.

Thays how you decide what to keep.

LaurieMarlow · 01/01/2019 13:02

If you think it's not appropriate to give people gifts of ornaments in case you get their taste wrong why would you want to give your friend the same as a wedding present?

Fair point

Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 13:03

If you think it's not appropriate to give people gifts of ornaments in case you get their taste wrong why would you want to give your friend the same as a wedding present?

In this particular instance I know she’d love it as she collects very similar items (and I know her very well). But I’d never buy someone an ornament unless I was 100% certain - and that’s very rare.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2019 13:03

Singlenotsingle, give it to a Charity to auction. Or auction it yourself. You see stuff like that on Gumtree/Ebay/Facebook.

Toyboysrus · 01/01/2019 13:03

I always re gift small items eg smellies sets or chocolates that would be used up but would feel too guilty to re gift an expensive "permanent" item that the giver might enquire about. Can it go in a spare room, or on top of a high wardrobe or kitchen cupboard?

LaurieMarlow · 01/01/2019 13:04

I got a cheese and wine tasting experience. I don't like cheese and I don't really drink! shock What do I do with it?

regift it to me Grin

llangennith · 01/01/2019 13:06

Two choices: regift it or accidentally break it. I think it's rude of people to buy ornaments for others as everyone's taste varies.

MrsJayy · 01/01/2019 13:07

So you want to pass on a horrible ornament to your friends it isn't re gifting it is dumping give them something ofyour tasteful furnishings and stop being a twat

feelingverylazytoday · 01/01/2019 13:07

You can't regift it if it belongs to both of you. If you don't like it then stick it in a cupboard and place it in a prominent position when SIL visits fir the next few years then regift or donate it.
Personally I wouldn't spend £60 on a wedding present either (unless I was rich, which Im not). If you want to give a present as opposed to cash or a voucher then look around for a bargain, something that looks expensive but isn't.

RoseBromley · 01/01/2019 13:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LaurieMarlow · 01/01/2019 13:11

If you want to give a present as opposed to cash or a voucher then look around for a bargain, something that looks expensive but isn't.

I'm not sure that's the answer. Chances are the bride and groom won't be any more thrilled with their 'bargain' than the OP is with her ornament.

The only thing I'd ever buy for a wedding gift (beyond money/vouchers/list) is a bottle of wine (assuming B&G drink wine).

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 01/01/2019 13:12

Not now Rose.

Birdsgottafly · 01/01/2019 13:12

"Can it go in a spare room, or on top of a high wardrobe or kitchen cupboard?"

Why though. Why have your living space full of stuff you don't want?

Those saying break it, the OP knows that her friend will like it. What a waste of something.

The mistake of holding on to expensive things is explained in the 'lost cost fallacy'.

It isn't good for our MH to be surrounded by stuff we don't want or need.

Original poster
Dongdingdong · 01/01/2019 13:13

So you want to pass on a horrible ornament to your friends it isn't re gifting it is dumping give them something ofyour tasteful furnishings and stop being a twat

@MrsJayy I’ve stated twice now (once in the OP and once further down the thread) that my friend collects these items so would love it. Here’s a thought - why not just read the OP before commenting and leaving such an unnecessarily rude message? Idiot.

OP posts:
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