To feel really upset by this Facebook comment

[Kourt14]

I'm 24 and currently 11 weeks pregnant with my first. Haven't announced yet as it's still early.

My sister in law (DH unmarried sister, so shares same surname as me) is pregnant and has announced on Facebook last week at 20 weeks. I put a little status up this morning just to say so excited they'll be another little baby surname to love in 2019, and how happy I was to have a little niece or nephew on the way.

One of my old college friends commented saying "Jesus fucking Christ I thought you were going to say you are pregnant. Don't do that to me!" It got 23 likes which seemed bizarre, lots of other old college friends (who I don't spend time with anymore and aren't as settled as me) all started commenting. There's now 15 comments from people saying "Oh thank god, I thought you were saying you were pregnant!" "You gave me a heart attack" "Another one who had a panic attack then, thank god you said niece!"

I'm really upset. I'm not far off it announcing it to my friends and family and this is the reaction? What's wrong with me being pregnant? Yes all my old friends are in a very different place, single, going out all the time.. but I'm married? We own a house? I have all but lost touch with them all, haven't spoken directly or hung out in years just wish happy birthday on Facebook etc, I just find it really odd and hurtful.

It might be hormones and fully ok with being told I'm over reacting but I've had a right cry over it

I'd make light if it and say "wow how many of you think if make a terrible mother?"

Tbf saying 'i nearly had a heart attack' isn't necessarily a negative comment xx

Were you a party animal by any chance? Maybe they are just joking about that? Not that yabu to be upset by it. Im not pregnant but have been told before jokingly by multiple people i would be a shit parent because i am wild. . Maybe they are just used to remembering you being carefree. Dont let it dampen your experience they are gonna look stupid when you announce yours.

People are at different life stages and don't get it! Don't worry about it, it is them who are not ready for babies not you!
Congratulations it will be lovely to have your child growing up with their cousin :)

That is really odd. My best guess is that they don't feel "grown up" and having a baby seems too "grown up". They're just being silly and don't realise theyve put their collective feet in it big time.

(Disclaimer: you never feel grown up enough )

Congrats from me anyway 2019 is going to be a special year!

Because it gets really dull seeing every one of your college friends following suit and announcing pregnancies and/or engagements, it was probably just a relief to see something slightly different.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I don't think it’s your hormones, it’s understandable that the comments have upset you. But I don’t think they are meant to be horrible. It only takes one person to make a comment like that for the rest to jump on the band wagon.

Try not to take it as a personal dig. I’m sure they don’t doubt you’d make a good mother. They just don’t see you in that way at the moment. I assume this is your first baby and they probably still only think of you as they knew you before (perhaps from school/college/uni if they’re old friends).

Don’t let this ruin your amazing news! I agree making light of it would be good, perhaps do that when it comes to making the announcement.

They’re still picturing you as you were in college; especially as you haven’t seen them in some time. Therefore the idea of you being settled enough to be planning a family freaks them out.

I still think most people would have a bit more sense than to say ‘Thank God you’re not pregnant!’ or similar though!

My money is in them being immature and not wanting kids yet so the thought of having a baby is their worst nightmare kind if thing. But everyone is different and some people are ready at a younger age. FWIW, I don't think 24 is young to have a child but I do think it's the kid of age where half y9ur friends will act like adults and half will still be stuck in teenager mode.

Congratulations by the way!

Tbf they don’t know you are pregnant and will probably be horrified at their faux pas when they find out. 24 will feel very young to have a baby for some people it doesn’t mean they think you’ll be an awful mother just that they aren’t ready yet.

I expect they mean it in a ‘please don’t remind me that we’re getting older and how far I am from contemplating kids’ kind of way rather than as any kind of judgment on you specifically and your ability to parent BUT I still think they are really rude and crass comments that show they were only thinking of themselves and not you.

If it consoles you (it would me) they will be mortified and filled with self-loathing when they realise how stupid and insensitive they have been.

They probably just can’t imagine being married with a baby on the way because that’s not where they are in their lives, and they have made a throwaway comment as such on social media. They’ll probably be embarrassed when you do announce but if you don’t really see them anymore then, honestly, what does it matter what they think? You’ve moved away from those friendships - they and their opinions aren’t part of your life. Motherhood is full of people judging you for pretty much every decision you make, learn to let non-important opinions wash over you.

Probably because you're really young. I think the average age to have a first child now is 31.

Agree that they're thinking of babies as something 'grown ups' do, and they're not ready to be 'grown ups' yet. They're going to feel terrible when they realise! Milk that for all it's worth when you announce it!! You're doing an amazing thing whether you're 24 or 44 and you will find plenty of people who will be genuinely thrilled for you. Congratulations!

Congratulations!

Just so you know it is something that would happen if you were 35 too. I just happened to have no friends with kids when I got pregnant in my early 30s. Changing jobs after maternity leave didn’t help. But I was dropped, I was also much flakier and less interesting too so it wasn’t all them .

Don’t worry about other people’s opinions. The person who said ‘how can you do this to me?’- what a tosser! Luckily you didn’t worry about her when making big decisions about your life.

It took a long time to get over that initial "oh shit!" feeling when someone said they were pregnant to "oh how lovely!" in my early 20s. We spend so long actively avoiding getting pregnant that when everyone starts doing it on purpose it feels quite odd! That said, the way the comment was phrased does sound very rude. I would be upset too. Might be time to have a think about who you have on social media? I got rid of loads of "friends" when I was pregnant since I never saw them in real life and didn't want strangers looking at/commenting on my new baby. Just a thought. Congratulations by the way OP!

Tbh I'm puzzled as to why you would put a status of your own up for that - couldn't you have just commented on your SIL's post?

That aside, don't worry too much about the comments. In some areas, 24 is considered too young to have a baby, while in others it's average or even old! I'd imagine your friends are the former. I am a few years older than you and I think people would react in the same way if I announced I was expecting.

It's because they're idiots.

That’s really strange. You always get the odd comment but for so many people to be joining in and “liking”/commenting? Why?
Delete them if you’re not close anymore and it’s getting you down. You don’t need negativity when you announce your news. Congratulations!

I would be so tempted to say oh i am pregnant. Urghh and then wish i could see there faces.

Its a horrible thing to say and i don't understand it, just had my first at 25 when i was still living with my partner and my parents, hes now 5 months old and im pregnant with my second ( now living just with my partner :D )

perhaps it is just because it is a facebook announcement?
will you announce it on facebook?
perhaps they think you are?

try and see it for the light hearted comment it was

Congratulations OP!

Just ignore them. Facebook is all about people trying to display their lifestyles, and in this case they're just hanging on to their "shackle-free" lives and aren't ready to move into the next, normal stage of their lives.

I'd wait until you are ready and then go back to that post and mention it there. Your real friends will be the ones you contact you and apologise for their crass remarks and offer you their congratulations

Don’t be upset by it. Have a giggle as to how stupid and embarrassed they will feel when you do announce it. And remind yourself of why you haven’t kept in touch with them 👍

It’s because you’re so young (by modern standards). I was 22 and people freaked out. Luckily it was pre-Facebook. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

I once met a school chum who when he realised the children I had with me were actually mine said “ Fuck me, are they government issued now ! “ I think he had to pop home for a lie down in a darkened room.

I’d just enjoy watching them squirm and try to wriggle out of it with their messages of congratulations when I did announce it.