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Original poster

To feel really upset by this Facebook comment

129 replies

Kourt14 · 31/12/2018 11:44

I'm 24 and currently 11 weeks pregnant with my first. Haven't announced yet as it's still early.

My sister in law (DH unmarried sister, so shares same surname as me) is pregnant and has announced on Facebook last week at 20 weeks. I put a little status up this morning just to say so excited they'll be another little baby surname to love in 2019, and how happy I was to have a little niece or nephew on the way.

One of my old college friends commented saying "Jesus fucking Christ I thought you were going to say you are pregnant. Don't do that to me!" It got 23 likes which seemed bizarre, lots of other old college friends (who I don't spend time with anymore and aren't as settled as me) all started commenting. There's now 15 comments from people saying "Oh thank god, I thought you were saying you were pregnant!" "You gave me a heart attack" "Another one who had a panic attack then, thank god you said niece!"

I'm really upset. I'm not far off it announcing it to my friends and family and this is the reaction? What's wrong with me being pregnant? Yes all my old friends are in a very different place, single, going out all the time.. but I'm married? We own a house? I have all but lost touch with them all, haven't spoken directly or hung out in years just wish happy birthday on Facebook etc, I just find it really odd and hurtful.

It might be hormones and fully ok with being told I'm over reacting but I've had a right cry over itSad

OP posts:
FuzzyShadowChatter · 31/12/2018 13:21

Congrats!

It is very painful to get those kinds of thoughtless comments. Negative comments like those were one of the reasons I delayed later in each pregnancy to tell people I didn't see in person and didn't announce on any social media until the last month.

I agree with others that it may be kneejerk reactions from some due to how the status was worded rather than a reflection of what they think of you as well as that clearing out some of these people who are practically out of your life anyways might be a good idea. Unless you want to get closer to them again, this might be a hard sign to change those in your social media.

Original poster
Kourt14 · 31/12/2018 13:21

@FuckingYuleLog @user1471517900 The exact status was "So excited for another baby Surname to love next year, Congratulations name and name. So happy for another niece or nephew to be on the way"

Hardly leaving 8 lines and writing "surprise! Not mine!" At the bottom. It was all in one sentence?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 31/12/2018 13:23

Sounds like you need a friend list clear out OP

MakeItRain · 31/12/2018 13:24

They're just trying to be funny. They're just seeing things from their own view point of pregnancy - not something they want - and they're just being thoughtless in assuming you're at that stage too.

To them it's just a throw-away "jokey" comment not a dig at you in any way.

You either need to delete lots of your friends from FB if it really bothers you or go ahead and make an announcement soon on there and see how they react. I bet lots of them would be quite embarrassed! If any of them continue to be negative then definitely remove them from your friends list.

Oh and congratulations Flowers

ashtrayheart · 31/12/2018 13:28

I see it as: They thought you were pregnant, it took them by surprise, then decided you weren’t as you referred to niece or nephew. They then felt relief due to their own age or whatever. Had you announced your own pregnancy I’m sure they would have just said congratulations! I think it was a bit risky (comment wise and your resulting emotions) announcing someone else’s pregnancy when you are pregnant tbh.

BunnyCake · 31/12/2018 13:28

Reply. "I am pregnant too. Thanks for your good wishes Confused"

AmericanEskimoDoge · 31/12/2018 13:31

...That does sound a little odd. I'd try to assume that they didn't mean anything by it and were just... trying to be funny? I'm sure they'll be mortified when they finally do learn that you actually are expecting, too!

Anyway, 24 is not that young, and in any case, it sounds like you're in a very good place in your life for having a child. Congratulations!

FuckingYuleLog · 31/12/2018 13:40

No - not quite the same as the scan picture one but people will still have assumed you were speaking about yourself at first. It’s not usual to post your own status about someone else’s pg news ime. Peoplejust tend to post congrats on the parents statuses.

decemberfrost · 31/12/2018 13:44

YANBU to feel miffed OP, and CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PREGNANCY!

I don't think they meant anything though. My DC (early 20's) come home sometimes and say 'OMG Hannah from school has had a baby. a fooking baby!' And 'Hannah' is nearly 24. Not exactly old, but not young to have a baby. When i was a kid (1980's) half the girls I knew from school were married and pregnant by early 20's. And it wasn't unusual. In fact it was more odd for someone to still be unmarried at 25.

In addition, when I said I was pregnant first time - mid 20's I was - I had a couple of extended family, and neighbours of my parents saying 'OMG, imagine HER with a baby!' Shock Mean and spiteful comments that upset me, and I had no idea why they said it. I even had a completely unnecessary vicious comment (from my uncles wife,) when I had my DD saying 'I hate girls; if I'd have had one, I'd have flushed it down the bog.'

Some people are cunts.

I would announce your pregnancy in a couple of weeks. If anyone says anything negative, just unfriend them.

JustDanceAddict · 31/12/2018 13:45

I’m sure it’s more that they’re not at that stage yet in their lives.

CripsSandwiches · 31/12/2018 13:47

I do think it's just slightly silly (and unfortunately timed) humour. Like in the way some people say "oh no don't run off and get married I'll lose my drinking partner" etc. I doubt they're implying you're not a suitable mother.

WinterfellWench · 31/12/2018 13:55

@Kourt14

Congrats on your upcoming baby ... and I don't think they meant anything bad.

But like a few others I do wonder why you put a status on your OWN facebook page announcing your SIL's baby. It's really weird.

Why did you not just congratulate them on their page? Confused

AWishForWingsThatWork · 31/12/2018 13:59

Reply, "Wow. Thanks for that. But at least I know who to defriend when I announce my husband and I are expecting."

pasturesgreen · 31/12/2018 14:00

I have all but lost touch with them all, haven't spoken directly or hung out in years

Time for a big Facebook clear out, methinks. New year, new friend list.

iamthere123 · 31/12/2018 14:00

@HairBnB I do get what you mean, but I do kind of resent the implication that because I have not yet (at 33) met anyone that I want to share my life with, or had the opportunity to pro-create that I am abnormal. I would love that to be life - the normal partner, house, kids life - but it's just not happened for various reasons. I hope that just because I look like I'm enjoying my 'shackle-free' life on FB that people like you don't think I'm immature or not living a normal life.

Seaweed42 · 31/12/2018 14:03

I suppose if you could have just said 'another niece or nephew to love'. Saying the thing about the 'another Surname next year' was saying something about yourself too in a hidden sort of way.
When you have your baby there will be 'another Surname to love next year' too.
It's only Odd and Hurtful because you are actually pregnant. If you weren't pregnant, nor trying, you'd be laughing too and thinking it hilarious. You'd probably write 'oh God no it's not me!!'
But it was because you are pregnant that you posted it in that particular way.
Your friends love you. They are only trying to be smart and witty like everyone on Facebook. When you announce your own pregnancy they will be surprised but also delighted for you because you are. Best of luck with it.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 31/12/2018 14:06

It’s that great sense of humour so many people have that is actually just bullying/being a twat in disguise.

juneybean · 31/12/2018 14:06

They'll all feel really silly when you do announce!

TrickyKid · 31/12/2018 14:11

They're just as I was at 24, no where near mature enough to have a baby and haven't realised you're at that stage. I'm sure they'll be pleased for you when they find out and probably feel bad about the comments. Congratulations.

DeepanKrispanEven · 31/12/2018 14:15

I'd ask them why on earth it would give them a heart attack to discover you were pregnant, seeing that it's not exactly an unusual condition for people in a committed relationship.

WinterfellWench · 31/12/2018 14:18

I'd ask them why on earth it would give them a heart attack to discover you were pregnant, seeing that it's not exactly an unusual condition for people in a committed relationship.

I would be tempted to ask this too.

recklessruby · 31/12/2018 14:21

Congratulations! Ignore Facebook. People post stupid stuff on there. Like I made a comment about a friend's status and another friend (not mine) said bloody hell how many names have you got just because I 've recently included Marianne (middle name)
I thought it was a bit off and hurtful.
Everyone's got an opinion on pregnancy. I had ds at 19 and got told I was too young.
My friend (age 46) has just found out she's pregnant. Apparently she's too old!
It's your life Grin so stuff friends on Facebook!!

WinterfellWench · 31/12/2018 14:26

To be fair, @recklessruby 19 IS a bit young, (to have a baby!) and 46 IS a bit old. (too old imo!)

But it's still rude of people to say anything.

Micah · 31/12/2018 14:30

People are wierd.

My own mother, on finding out Inwas pregnant at 33, told me if I wanted to “do something about it” I still had time.

Other comments included Couldn’t imagine me with a child, had always thought I didn’t want children etc..

WinterfellWench · 31/12/2018 14:32

I agree with a pp who said you need to cull your facebook 'friends.' I did this about a year ago; unfriended 33 out of the 99 I had on there. Don't miss them, and can barely remember who they were. Only had 3 asking me why I had unfriended them, and I said it's because we rarely spoke. I did re-add 2 of them, but the third one took great umbrage.

But FGS, don't post a naff status saying 'cleared out my FB friends, so if you're still here you're one of the lucky ones!' Grin Makes me cringe when I see that!

I unfriend people who do that. Narcissism at its finest! Hmm

@Micah

My own mother, on finding out I was pregnant at 33, told me if I wanted to “do something about it” I still had time.

That is fucking nasty. Shame on her!

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