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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry about this

81 replies

Footloose80 · 30/12/2018 19:19

Dh needs to have 2 operations. Just had one privately. I wasn't overly impressed about this as it cost 14k but the NHS wait was long. My aibu is that whilst waiting to go down he suggested that he will use my savings account to pay for the next one. Now these savings were part of his father's inheritance but still. I said now was not the time to discuss. Since than he has been asking about my child benefit account. I keep saying that he neds to chase up NHS referral for second procedure but I get the impression that he just wants to pay privately again.
Aibu to be angry

OP posts:
octoberbaby2010 · 30/12/2018 19:20

Depends on what the operation is for? Could he wait for nhs?

LostInShoebiz · 30/12/2018 19:22

If I needed an operation and I wanted to use my money to pay for it I wouldn’t be impressed by someone telling me not to.

TheNewYear · 30/12/2018 19:23

So he wants to pay for a private procedure with his father’s money that has been inherited by your family? If he is in pain and struggling, and the wait is a long one, then I think he is being perfectly reasonable in wanting to do so.

What do you feel the money should be spent on?

Surely if the children are also his, then the child benefit is not yours exclusively as it is paid for the upkeep of your joint children which presumably his employment and inheritance has covered so the money has gone into a savings account instead of needing to be used on a day to day basis.

Subtlecheese · 30/12/2018 19:24

Surely his health is more important than your bank balance? As for child benefit account, I'm not sure what you're saying? If your child is in receit of benefits then obviously they cannot be used by your DH.

Onestep2 · 30/12/2018 19:25

Agree that it completely depends on what the surgery is.

So.... what's the surgery?

purplerainbows · 30/12/2018 19:27

I agree it depends on what it is

BollocksToBrexit · 30/12/2018 19:27

YABU I'd give every penny I had if someone I loved was suffering and needed an operation.

gamerchick · 30/12/2018 19:30

It depends on the OP I think.

Consolidateyourloins · 30/12/2018 19:32

If it makes you angry then it must not be that urgent?

I would say no.

Did you post about this before? Is the op for his back? Think the advice was not to use savings.

Nicknacky · 30/12/2018 19:32

I think it’s relevant what the surgery is for. I went private for a bunion op as the wait was too long for nhs and I knew we would be planning another child so had to so it when I had the opportunity.

RagingWhoreBag · 30/12/2018 19:33

No he doesn’t get to decide to use your savings for his op. Depending on the op, waiting time, how much he is affected by the condition, whether I was likely to need some sort of medical care myself etc I might OFFER to use my savings, but most likely I’d presume that if the waiting list is long, it isn’t vitally urgent and wait for the NHS op. But then I don’t have much money so couldn’t envisage spending £14k on an operation I could get for free instead. I ball at the cost of hospital parking!!

RagingWhoreBag · 30/12/2018 19:34

Balk

Cherries101 · 30/12/2018 19:34

Who’s the primary breadwinner? If you are (or even if joint) then it’s reasonable for you to decide. If not then you are being very unreasonable.

PrincessConsuelaBannanaHammock · 30/12/2018 19:35

It depends on what it is, but if he really needs the surgery and has the money then I don't see why the money shouldn't be spent on that, is there something else you really need the money for?

Mammylamb · 30/12/2018 19:35

If it was money from his fathers inheritance why is it “your” savings?

BertrandRussell · 30/12/2018 19:36

If the money is his inheritance why is it your savings?

Original poster
Footloose80 · 30/12/2018 19:36

The NHs wait is a little as 3 months. This is the same length if time he needs to leave before having the second procedure. So no real gain going private on this occasion.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 30/12/2018 19:37

Is this real?

Dh needs to have 2 operations. Just had one privately. I wasn't overly impressed about this as it cost 14k but the NHS wait was long.

Wow you sound like a caring, loving wife Hmm.

greendale17 · 30/12/2018 19:38

Also OP, your DHs inheritance from HIS father is
NOT YOURS!!!!

Consolidateyourloins · 30/12/2018 19:38

Who’s the primary breadwinner? If you are (or even if joint) then it’s reasonable for you to decide. If not then you are being very unreasonable.

It's irrelevant who the primary breadwinner is. The savings are OP's, she shouldn't feel she has to spend it on his op. That's what we have the NHS for. (And I say this as someone with private medical insurance through work).

Bombardier25966 · 30/12/2018 19:40

What are the two procedures? If the wait list was only three months for the NHS, presumably it was very important if needed more urgently?

And is it in fact three months, or is that the target?

Consolidateyourloins · 30/12/2018 19:40

Greendale, if the FIL left money to OP then of course it's hers. The H is not entitled to the money just because it was his father who left it to her.

Calzone · 30/12/2018 19:41

I really hope he doesn’t get worse in the meantime.

JustABetterPlayer · 30/12/2018 19:41

This reply has been deleted

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BollocksToBrexit · 30/12/2018 19:41

Who’s the primary breadwinner? If you are (or even if joint) then it’s reasonable for you to decide. If not then you are being very unreasonable.

Shock