This is my first post, but I've been here for a long time. This may be rather long.
Yesterday was my daughters 8th birthday. She has been treated under CAMHS for the past year and a bit for anxiety and panic disirders and was discharged just before Christmas, which she is very proud of - it's been a tough year. Her birthday is the only thing she has looked forward to or been excited about in a very long time.
So all going well yesterday we take her out for lunch upon her request; me, my oh, ds and other dd plus my mum. Having a lovely time until my brother drops by as he's lost his key so wants to borrow my mums and drop it back. No problem. He comes back ans makes a snarky remark to my mum and is told to hold his whisht and carry on. My oh, however started a full blown argument in the restaurant with him. They do not get on, never have but there's no real reason except a clash of personality. My daughter starts crying as its her birthday and i tell my oh to stop as he's upsetting the kids.
My brother leaves and my oh is clearly fuming. The manager comes and asks is everything ok as my daughter is now v upset. I tell my oh calmly that whatever his issue is, now is not the time as its our girls birthday just calm down. I'm very quickly given a mouthful and told she is full of attitude she needs telling off not him - meaning our daughter who only told him to stop nothing else. He declares he may aswell go as he's clearly causing a problem.
We all leave and walk home, less than 10 minute walk. On this walk our daughter begs and pleads with her dad to not go anywhere, that she is sorry and she will do anything to resolve the argument. He gives her the front door keys and says I'll be back when I'm back. She literally crumples and is in bits as her main trigger for her anxiety is people leaving/dying. I tell him enough is enough and to stop can he not see what he's doing to her. I'm swiftly told to shut up and she wouldn't be like that but for me anyway and that i can take the kids and f**k off. He stalks off and thats that.
I talk the kids home and try my best to calm our daughter down and reassure her. My mum is aghast but busies herself helping with my other two kids. My oh turns up an hour or so later and goes to bed for a bit. I try to keep things as normal as possible for my daughter so play jigsaws with her until my oh comes down and demands i stop as he wanted to do it with her. My daughter tells him she wanted me to do it but he can help later. He gets all ragey and says that we're excluding him, but we weren't i just wanted my girl to have something to do to occupy her mind and give her something else to focus on. He then sits in a strop for the evening.
The evening carries on we have some party food. We have birthday cake and my mum gets ready to leave and he gives a general applogy for the way he acted. My mum tells him it should be more than that really and she leaves. My oh tells me my mum has no right in saying this its his house etc. He apologises to our daughter and the kids go to bed. He literally mumbles a sorry to me and goes to bed himself.
This isn't the first time he's acted like this. I think he owes us more than a mumbled sorry but more than that he needs to address his temper i think. Or AIBU?
If you've gotten to the end thankyou for reading. Xx