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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

NYE - what are we doing wrong??

87 replies

SnapMeOutOfIt · 29/12/2018 17:14

I'm sure I'm just feeling sorry for myself but please be kind. NC'd for this.
We've had the crappiest year - big stuff. Loss of my DM (we were close), near loss of DF which will happen soon, redundancy with associated financial worries, and a few other lesser things. Have another job now so financial worries no longer an issue.
We're quite social and try to make an effort with other families as our DC (age 12 and 10) don't have cousins. This year we hosted two big events (and a few small BBQs) - one for a big birthday which was a weekend away for 55 including children. So much fun that everyone has asked me to organise again for 2019 with everyone chipping in this time (I paid the first time). The other was a garden party at ours. Since September we haven't been able to host anything as our house has been a building site due to major works which are almost but not quite finished (only two families offered us a meal in the 10 weeks we had no kitchen but that's another moan).
We love new year and have always tried to do something. We saw one family three years running but then they dropped us. Don't know why. We tried to organise something but got brushed off. No falling out - they were at both events we organised this year and were one of the families that cooked us a meal when we were kitchen-less). The last two years not seen them at NY. Two years ago invited another family round (in fact by 3.30am we really wished they'd leave!) but they dropped us soon after (by dropped I mean started walking past us in street and not acknowledging us but they're a funny pair so I don't read too much into that).
Invited a few families to pop round last NY but all said they had plans (this was true, I know). A relative of mine always holds a big NY party and have been invited once or twice but not this year - again I'm trying not to read anything into it - we were invited to another party they had this year.
So this year, for the second year running, we have nothing to do. But we wanted to have a social night with friends and their children, but it feels like no one wants to do new year with us although they do all spend it with other families.
I think we'll get a takeaway and watch tv. This is what we did last year. Going to a pub full of strangers doesn't appeal.
I know it's just one night - I just feel disappointed. I wanted to mark the end of a rubbish year - I know 2019 won't be better, the one thing I do know is I'll lose DF. I know some aren't bothered and want to stay in, but for NY we wanted to be with friends. But they're all doing stuff that doesn't include us.
Reading this back it feels childish and U. I'm not miserable - everyone comments that I'm still smiling after everything.
I suppose the AIBU is WIBU to just give up on NY for future years. Not in a huffy way, I just feel so low how the last two new years have turned out. I know lots of people are at home alone and so will we be, despite not wanting to be and despite best efforts to build a social life.
Are we doing something wrong?

OP posts:
SnapMeOutOfIt · 29/12/2018 18:00

Anyone please?

OP posts:
NoSpend19 · 29/12/2018 18:03

how would anyone on here know if you are doing anything wrong?

It might just be that people want a quiet new year. We generally host at new year but this year haven't arranged anything. Wondering now if our friends are sitting around wondering if they've done something wrong.

haventkilledtheorchidyet · 29/12/2018 18:24

Sorry about your rotten year, OP.

If it's any comfort, I feel the same! My OH is very lazy about maintaining friendships, and so it's all on me to organise all of our social life. We've had lots of people here during the year too, although not big parties as we don't really like them.

All of our friends seem to have their own long-established plans, or are just staying in. I stopped asking people what they were doing, as I started feeling a bit "needy", and kept on getting knock backs...

I think we just have to keep our chins up (don't know how many you've got, but I have at least two), and be thankful that we're able to be with our DHs and DC on NYE, as some people can't do that.

I'll raise a glass to you at midnight.

SnapMeOutOfIt · 29/12/2018 18:28

Thank you. I guess for me this is the curse of social media - we were in same boat last year and people did not have a quiet one. They were mostly with other friends. Likewise this year we know things are happening - just not with us.
Saying this sounds childish and spoilt but I feel left out. Maybe without the crap year I'd have taken it in my stride (but probably not if I'm honest)

OP posts:
lavenderhidcote · 29/12/2018 18:30

Incredibly unhelpful and mean response NoSpend19 (sounds a barrel of laughs). Sorry you are feeling so low OP. I get where you are coming from, NYE is a difficult one for our family too and frankly I am pleased when it is all over. You sound quite successful in your efforts to socialise this year so don't let things not working out for this one night put you off.

nutellalove · 29/12/2018 18:30

Feel the same. Have invited people to mine 20+ times this year, arranged fun things. Not one nye invite? I felt quite bad about it too but just think it's best not to dwell on the possible reasons as we'll never know

greendale17 · 29/12/2018 18:31

Your friends sound crap, you on the other hand sound lovely

Inferiorbeing · 29/12/2018 18:32

NYE is always so much pressure, I never bother to do that much for it..

Tartyflette · 29/12/2018 18:32

YANBU at all but perhaps some of your friends want a quiet New Year after a busy Christmas? I know I do Grin
Or some friends of yours might have been invited elsewhere to celebrate with others so they can’t really ask you along too. And might be a bit too embarrassed to mention it.
Don’t give up on it - next year might be very different.

FluffyMcCloud · 29/12/2018 18:33

I get it OP. 2 years ago I hosted NYE at my tiny house, for around 30 people. It was busy and stressful for me but everyone said how much they enjoyed it. One year later... not one single invite for NYE or anyone even asking me what I was up to.
It hurt a bit at the time which is why I won’t host again. This NYE it’s me, the kids, jules Holland and a bottle of fizz.

SnapMeOutOfIt · 29/12/2018 18:34

Thank you haventkilledtheorchidyet - you get what I'm saying. I feel the same about the knock backs - just wanted someone to want to celebrate it with us, as there's lots of people I'd happily spend the evening with but it's not reciprocated I feel.
You're right of course - I have got more than many.
I shall also raise a glass to you at midnight, maybe earlier as I might pass out in my curry and chocolates by then Grin

OP posts:
bigchris · 29/12/2018 18:35

Okay well in my experience it's how the children behave

Either acting like they dont want to be there or just loud and too much ?

Or does your dh drink too much and become loud

Two reasons for not being invited back

Did you take a bottle of plonk drink half and then take it away with you ( seen in mumsnet)

Do you ever invite the invitees to yours?

GenerationSnowflake · 29/12/2018 18:36

it sounds like you invited people far too late if they already had plans.

It's also possible that people feel embarrassed to always accept invitations without reciprocating so don't want to push it.

Have you looked at what events are in your area? Sports clubs, town "disco" kind of thing, hotel "ball", there are always a lot going on, with tickets still available. Even if you are not with friends, being dressed up and enjoying a drink or 2 with your husband can be a good night out.

Next year you could either try to host, or get friends to join you to one of the local events?

BatsAreCool · 29/12/2018 18:39

I have attended NYE events with friends and whilst I loved going at the time I did find it a bit of an effort as I am quite happy to sit at home. I certainly wouldn't host an event myself as I just can't be bothered that much with the hassle.

I suspect it's nothing you have or haven't done but just that most people like me either aren't that fussed about a big celebration or are too lazy to organise anything themselves.

SnapMeOutOfIt · 29/12/2018 18:39

Yes BigChris - we've invited plenty of times as mentioned in my OP. DH doesn't drink too much and never been aware of a DC issue - they're quite easygoing and never involved in any spats at these things.
Thank you everyone- I can see I'm not the only one. Makes me feel better, and Hoping everyone has an enjoyable NY

OP posts:
NoSpend19 · 29/12/2018 18:40

Incredibly unhelpful and mean response NoSpend19

what was mean about it? Confused I simply said maybe people want a quiet new year. Confused Confused

PeterAndJayne · 29/12/2018 18:42

We're the same OP. I can't remember the last NYE event we were invited too. I think people either don't do much or do something small. That's what I'm telling myself anyway.

SnapMeOutOfIt · 29/12/2018 18:42

And no, do t take home our plonk. Always take more than we drink plus a gift for host (chocs or something)

OP posts:
SnapMeOutOfIt · 29/12/2018 18:42

*don't

OP posts:
SnapMeOutOfIt · 29/12/2018 18:46

Awww Fluffy

OP posts:
Lifeofa · 29/12/2018 18:48

Is there an income difference? I wouldn’t like to feel I was always on the take and being able to pay for 55 people to have a weekend away may be overwhelming to some who can’t reciprocate in the same way.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 29/12/2018 18:50

OP ask your closest friends what they are doing and is there any room for anyone to tag along? Go on be brave maybe they think you have had a tough time so they dont want to bother you you ..be brave invite yourself might just be crossed wires! or do what we do get some fireworks light the bbq and have a party in your own back yard with hot chocolate n champers to see the new year in ..its a fairly new tradition for us but it works well seeing it in with our own family ...maybe you could make your own tradition and make it a really special night with those you love most ?

noodlenosefraggle · 29/12/2018 18:51

Although I'm obviously always low level glad I have children, NYE is the only night I think 'thank God for the kids, we have an excuse to sit in our pj' s with frozen party food just for us or go to bed at 10pm if we wish'Grin
But as this is not you, one of the mums at my DS's old school used to put on the most incredible kids parties-themes, props, the lot. It did put a lot of pressure on the rest of the mums, most of whom didn't bother to do the same because it was just impossible to do it too even half that level without spending a huge amount of time that most of us didn't have, not to mention money. Maybe your friends just feel too much pressure to reciprocate when they don't have the inclination and feel probably wrongly that they would be judged for their lack of effort?

Colourfullanguage · 29/12/2018 18:52

Do many people actually do new year properly? I don’t know anyone that does anything much past seeing a few family members! We are doing nothing!

Skatersbeskating · 29/12/2018 18:57

Maybe most of them are staying in?

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