NYE - what are we doing wrong??

[SnapMeOutOfIt]

I'm sure I'm just feeling sorry for myself but please be kind. NC'd for this.
We've had the crappiest year - big stuff. Loss of my DM (we were close), near loss of DF which will happen soon, redundancy with associated financial worries, and a few other lesser things. Have another job now so financial worries no longer an issue.
We're quite social and try to make an effort with other families as our DC (age 12 and 10) don't have cousins. This year we hosted two big events (and a few small BBQs) - one for a big birthday which was a weekend away for 55 including children. So much fun that everyone has asked me to organise again for 2019 with everyone chipping in this time (I paid the first time). The other was a garden party at ours. Since September we haven't been able to host anything as our house has been a building site due to major works which are almost but not quite finished (only two families offered us a meal in the 10 weeks we had no kitchen but that's another moan).
We love new year and have always tried to do something. We saw one family three years running but then they dropped us. Don't know why. We tried to organise something but got brushed off. No falling out - they were at both events we organised this year and were one of the families that cooked us a meal when we were kitchen-less). The last two years not seen them at NY. Two years ago invited another family round (in fact by 3.30am we really wished they'd leave!) but they dropped us soon after (by dropped I mean started walking past us in street and not acknowledging us but they're a funny pair so I don't read too much into that).
Invited a few families to pop round last NY but all said they had plans (this was true, I know). A relative of mine always holds a big NY party and have been invited once or twice but not this year - again I'm trying not to read anything into it - we were invited to another party they had this year.
So this year, for the second year running, we have nothing to do. But we wanted to have a social night with friends and their children, but it feels like no one wants to do new year with us although they do all spend it with other families.
I think we'll get a takeaway and watch tv. This is what we did last year. Going to a pub full of strangers doesn't appeal.
I know it's just one night - I just feel disappointed. I wanted to mark the end of a rubbish year - I know 2019 won't be better, the one thing I do know is I'll lose DF. I know some aren't bothered and want to stay in, but for NY we wanted to be with friends. But they're all doing stuff that doesn't include us.
Reading this back it feels childish and U. I'm not miserable - everyone comments that I'm still smiling after everything.
I suppose the AIBU is WIBU to just give up on NY for future years. Not in a huffy way, I just feel so low how the last two new years have turned out. I know lots of people are at home alone and so will we be, despite not wanting to be and despite best efforts to build a social life.
Are we doing something wrong?

It is one of those things though, New Year's Eve; I read your OP thinking, Jesus I'd love a friend who invited me to that. I would never ever do it myself, Christmas is enough. Maybe it's a cultural thing?

NYE is best spent alone, with a bottle of decent champagne and a set of earplugs. I feckin' despise all that enforced jollity and refuse to participate in it.

Your so called friends have done you a massive favour in my book!

My parents have always said to bring the new year in exactly how you'd like to continue it. So, since I've had my own family every single new year has been just us (no aunties, cousins etc), party food, board/card games and just having a lovely time with the people who truly matter. I have friends, but I turn down every invite as my parents saying has always stuck with me and it feels bad luck to do anything else (silly I know).

We do have drinks and get merry though, not sure I want to continue my year like that but I choose to ignore that part

So.....do something lovely with the ones who matter to you. Never mind pining for big parties and false people who wouldn't even return an invite.

Sympathies, OP. Mercifully a mate is having a party this year and I have known about it for a couple of months so my plans are made, but I have had several NYEs where no one seemed to be up for anything fun, or if they were, they didn't seem to want to invite me, and I would be scrabbling around for something to do.

(BTW I fucking hate being told to just 'buy yourself some nice snacks and watch the telly'. I can do that any night and it is not and never has been my idea of a proper good time.)

DragginBallsEEEE - So.....do something lovely with the ones who matter to you. Never mind pining for big parties and false people who wouldn't even return an invite.

Exactly this.

I hate nye, happy to socialise and host at other times but nye always seems forced.

That's exactly how we feel. We host a few things the rest of the year but there is something about NYE that gives me the willies. A dinner with a few very good friends I can get on board with, but anything where there is an expectation that we'll be doing Auld Lang Syne and hugging strangers, then doing a drunken conga down the street at 1am, ugh, no thanks.

Sorry you have had such a crap year. I have the opposite problem. Has been party after party, gathering after gathering and I can't face to accept the NYE invitation we do have. I find it weird you weren't invited if there is a party your friends are having.Could they assume you aren't up for it after the loss of your mum? Try to enjoy the night with your family. Hope 2019 won't be as quite as awful.

Perhaps some families fancy a quiet NYE, after hosting extended family over Christmas. Buy some fun games to play with the children.

We're quite average. The 55 people event was an exclusive hired campsite with facilities and I hired a band, hog roast, etc. It was our biggest splurge and a one off.

Wowsers, I have to say, without being mean - but this is bloody bonkers.

I would feel very uncomfortable about someone not letting me pay my way on something like this. It seems really, well, odd.

Are any of your friends actually doing anything?

DH and I will be at home eating cheese and biscuits and drinking wine while watching a film. I only had two days off for Christmas so feel a bit knackered and tired personally. Going out socialising is the furthest thing from my mind!

Oh thats really rubbish. Im sorry.

The problem I find with NYE is the expectation that it HAS to be this amazing night. I used to go out clubbing every year, spending a fortune - until I realised I could have the exact same night for half the entry fee with a much shorter bar queue the week before or after. I stick to lower-key nights out now.

The family who dropped you out of nowhere sounds weird. As for the others, maybe they just aren’t bothered about NYE. Or maybe because you’re so sociable they’re expecting you to organise something?

Could your gimp masks in the coat cupboard be putting people off? :)

Ha! Tinyme you got us sussed!
Love the idea of Longleat or similar in future. In past we've had pre-Xmas breaks at Center Parcs which we have loved, so might do that for new year in future.
Can't spend it with DF as he's asleep by 7.30pm and tends to sleep nearly all the time. Well I could, but he won't know so I'll enjoy the evening with DH and DC and try to stay off social media

It has helped me to see all the different perspectives and possible reasons for lack of invites. I do feel better and hope everyone has the NYE they want

Spend it with your DF, that’s what makes the most sense to me in your situation. Enjoy some time reflecting on the fun you had with you DM and your DF over the years. That seems more important than a party this year.

We've had a shit year too OP.
I'm making some genuine resolutions of how to deal with things in a stronger way moving into 2019 but I don't really celebrate NY. However i totally understand the notion of wanting to toast the end of a shitty year and look to the future.
Spend it with your nearest and dearest and have a cosy one

I can’t abide NYE parties and have turned them down again this year (gently).

When DC were younger it seemed incredibly important to be invited to NYE parties etc by neighbours etc. I recall holding a drinks party one year in Sept just to try to ensure we weren't forgotten. I was insecure and wanted to be part of the in crowd

Now I want to be with people who genuinely care about us and that's not any of the neighbours or parents of DC's friends, although they'd generally take in a parcel or say hello if they could be arsed. Their view of me is simply not significant to me any more.

Now we do our own thing - nice things to eat - go into the garden just before midnight (with our pyjamas on under our coats) and watch the inevitable fireworks that are flying around and then into a warm bed. It's brilliant.

I get it. I have always done something on NYE and we’ve mainly seen the same friends for years as we’ve got kids the same age, etc. so we’ve all got together. Either we’ve gone to theirs or they’ve come to ours (occasionally with one or two other couples) and it’s been low key, but at least we’re celebrating.
Hope thAt a last-minute invite comes for you.

Our usual NY E invite never materialised this year. Turns out they simply want a quiet one with family. Ignore social media etc that says you must do this on NYE. you have your own lovely family. Enjoy the time with them. We will be playing a game, eating party food and going bed at about 12.15! There are people having massive parties whilst they put on a mask of what is really happening in their lives. Ignore other people.

I am sorry for the year you have had. I hope 2019 goes as well as it can given your circumstances.

I think it probably isn't anything you are doing wrong, just that probably more people than you would know are uncomfortable with the forced jollity of NYE and like it to become lower key as they get older.

Personally, I am not a party animal at all and New Year's Eve was a time to be dreaded because I would have to be pretending to have this marvellous, amazing time when all I would have liked was to curl up at home with a glass of wine and a book. Having children rescued me from the drudge of it and I have never gone back.

People may also be misunderstanding you because they know you have had a shitty year. Some people want to hibernate for a while when that happens to them, and might be thinking that they should leave you alone? I get that you don't actually feel that way, but it is just a possible perspective.

Celebrate with your DH and children and plan a nice day out on New Year's Day for your family if that would help.

Our usual NY E invite never materialised this year. Turns out they simply want a quiet one with family.

This is the problem if you start to take it for granted that someone will regularly host NYE and always include you. They don't owe you an explanation months in advance that they don't intend to extend an invitation this year, but somehow you might end up feeling a bit put out if they don't. because you have left it a bit late to make other plans.

If this sort of thing is happening to you, I think it's worth reflecting on whether your usual hosts might be feeling a bit taken advantage of and are waiting for someone else to do their bit for a change.

Although I say that as someone who would NEVER host a big NYE house party with dancing etc. Dinner, a board game or quiz night, yes. A big party, no way. But then I try to avoid going to those sorts of parties as well, if I can do it without causing offence.

Firstly, sorry to hear about your awful year

Secondly, it sounds like you've already been quite involved with these people socially this year.

Maybe it's not that you've done anything wrong and they do just want to spend it with family or on their own.

I understand your wish/need to generate that 'family' experience for your children - I don't have family beyond my children and one sibling - but if other people have seen you a few times this year already, they might just have friends/family that they haven't seen as much. Or be feeling 'peopled out' after Christmas.

So maybe not so much that they don't want to see you as that they do want to see someone else.

I'm going out with my daugther this NYE for the first time in a few years. We are going to a pub full of strangers because there is no alternative... Otherwise, we'd be staying in, mini buffet, pjs and a blanket on the sofa and fall asleep watching a film until we're awoken by the fireworks at midnight. It's actually not a bad way to spend your evening.

Don't be afraid of spending it together as a family - you don't need other people to have a good time.

*Incredibly unhelpful and mean response NoSpend19

what was mean about it? confused I simply said maybe people want a quiet new year.
Op had said that their friends are doing stuff that didn't include them. Therefore they are not having a quiet NYE, they are doing things with other people but have exclude OP.