NYE - what are we doing wrong??

[SnapMeOutOfIt]

I'm sure I'm just feeling sorry for myself but please be kind. NC'd for this.
We've had the crappiest year - big stuff. Loss of my DM (we were close), near loss of DF which will happen soon, redundancy with associated financial worries, and a few other lesser things. Have another job now so financial worries no longer an issue.
We're quite social and try to make an effort with other families as our DC (age 12 and 10) don't have cousins. This year we hosted two big events (and a few small BBQs) - one for a big birthday which was a weekend away for 55 including children. So much fun that everyone has asked me to organise again for 2019 with everyone chipping in this time (I paid the first time). The other was a garden party at ours. Since September we haven't been able to host anything as our house has been a building site due to major works which are almost but not quite finished (only two families offered us a meal in the 10 weeks we had no kitchen but that's another moan).
We love new year and have always tried to do something. We saw one family three years running but then they dropped us. Don't know why. We tried to organise something but got brushed off. No falling out - they were at both events we organised this year and were one of the families that cooked us a meal when we were kitchen-less). The last two years not seen them at NY. Two years ago invited another family round (in fact by 3.30am we really wished they'd leave!) but they dropped us soon after (by dropped I mean started walking past us in street and not acknowledging us but they're a funny pair so I don't read too much into that).
Invited a few families to pop round last NY but all said they had plans (this was true, I know). A relative of mine always holds a big NY party and have been invited once or twice but not this year - again I'm trying not to read anything into it - we were invited to another party they had this year.
So this year, for the second year running, we have nothing to do. But we wanted to have a social night with friends and their children, but it feels like no one wants to do new year with us although they do all spend it with other families.
I think we'll get a takeaway and watch tv. This is what we did last year. Going to a pub full of strangers doesn't appeal.
I know it's just one night - I just feel disappointed. I wanted to mark the end of a rubbish year - I know 2019 won't be better, the one thing I do know is I'll lose DF. I know some aren't bothered and want to stay in, but for NY we wanted to be with friends. But they're all doing stuff that doesn't include us.
Reading this back it feels childish and U. I'm not miserable - everyone comments that I'm still smiling after everything.
I suppose the AIBU is WIBU to just give up on NY for future years. Not in a huffy way, I just feel so low how the last two new years have turned out. I know lots of people are at home alone and so will we be, despite not wanting to be and despite best efforts to build a social life.
Are we doing something wrong?

Too much booze leading to bad hangovers? We have friends who we avoid on certain occasions because of the constant pressure to drink more

Well I am spending it entirely on my own. Working til 8 DP has gone away for a few days as he has been very ill and is still slowly recuperating. Kids are all out. I will come home from work have a cuppa and either see if there is anything decent on tv or read a book

Thank you everyone, I have chilled out more and feel better about it reading the replies.
A couple of PPs suggested I spend it with DF. I do visit him 4-5 times a week, but never after 6.30pm as once they get him ready for the night he's spark out by 7.30pm. I could sit with him in silence but it'd be wrong to disturb him as sleep is his friend. He's never stayed up to celebrate NY in my lifetime.
So I'll spend it with DH and DC, and in reality a quiet night isn't a bad thing.

I hear you, OP.
We used to host BBQs, lunches, even a
big large party for local families but found that we rarely got invited back to anyone's. Yet people keep asking if we are throwing another X party!

What I realised was:

• most people we invited are locals and we are not. So they have school/uni friends, plus local families. When they host, they do it with those long established groups
• people seem to "value" intimate gatherings more. Invite one family around for Sunday roast and you will probably get an invite back. Invite 50 to a weekend away or a big party and it's just not seen as personal.

We now invite fewer people around in smaller groups we know work and stick with our longer term friends - yes, our uni friends or friends we've had 20 years, even if that mean travelling more as they aren't local.

To add to what W0rriedMum said, I know someone who also hosts and yet rarely gets invited back in return.

He has asked people why and the feedback is that his social gatherings are so amazing, people feel intimidated by them and feel they can't host/offer the same in return.

Thank you both - that makes sense actually. We've been in this area for 13 years, so not lifelong friends.
I think you're right about the bigger gatherings not eliciting invites back. One friend (who I've known 35 years) came to both big events but can't return host due to small flat and location, and that's fine by us. However if we've gone out they offer to pay for us to return the favour, but that's not expected but makes them comfortable. They are away this Xmas. Odd how people vary though as only one other family we've hosted this year has invited us to anything. 90% don't. Maybe smaller is better.

I think you might find you can have a lovely cosy NYE as a family? That's what we do. Even my 21 and 19 year olds aren't going out - they can't be bothered with the hassle of it!!! (wild horses wouldn't have kept me in at their age...!)

We'll just have some nice food, a few drinks, watch something stupid on TV, and celebrate at midnight with the most important people in our world.

OP, maybe you come across as too popular, so you’re not being invited to a smaller group invite as you weren’t originally part of this group, but then not thought of to add to the group because you know do many people. P

Maybe they can’t compete with your hosting and don’t even think of inviting you to a modest gathering of theirs in their front room when you hired a campsite with a hog roast for a whole weekend and paid!

They might see you as out of their league. I don’t mean you are not popular otherwise 50 odd people would not have gone away with you but maybe just on another level to them.

We were a bit the same this year. CLose family are away and my parents not well. So I decided to plan a nice afternoon/evening for the 4 of us. We are taking kids to carnival then out for dinner. Just by chance a friend texted today saying did we want to come round - just low key to her house so we are happy to do that. Sometimes people just plan a quiet one then change mind at last minute. Last year we went to neighbours and again was a bit last minute. Can you book a nice dinner out for your own family then maybe invite neighbours in later on ? xxx

for you OP

I wouldn't take it personally. Hosting is not something everyone is comfortable with so a lot of people would never throw a party or meal to invite you back to. I used to do a Christmas party for neighbours but it was expensive and our house isn't suited to big gatherings. And since I stopped, no one in the street has done one although we are all still on good terms. I stick to going out for drinks now, no one feels under pressure and can just pay for themselves. How close are you to these people? I have a feeling because you do throw parties, people may assume you are doing other things or have plans. I would plan something fun for you as a family to do, turn it into a whole day thing, and come home to a take away and a great film.

Happy New Year OP

Could you spend it with your df?

Have a family celebration and spend it with the ppl that want to spend it with you.