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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hate my teenage son's music

111 replies

Treessy · 29/12/2018 00:36

Drill, rap, whatever, how I loathe it.

I grew up with and even looked back to - Sinatra, Fleetwood Mac, The Cure, The Clash, Shirley Bassey, Madonna, The Beatles, Iggy Pop, Johnny Cash, the Cars, the Beach Boys, Sister Sledge, Joan Armatrading, T Rex, 10 cc, Manic Street Preachers, Simon & Garfunkel, Nirvana, Siousie and the Banshees, Happy Mondays, Donna Summer, etc etc etc. Some of these artists were before my time but I still loved them!!!! So much!!! Some of them I discovered more as an adult it must be said. But even as a teenager I had a sense of other music OK I drew the line at John McCormack which my mother liked.

40 years on, my son listens to the most awful (IMO) misogynist, violent, dreary crap rap, drill whatever the hell its called and watches their shite violent music videos. But he insists its artistic, melodic and wonderful.

AIBU? Genuine question.

OP posts:
peachgreen · 29/12/2018 00:55

is it just gonna be trolling here

In the words of the great Inigo Montoya: "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Disagreeing with you does not equal trolling.

You're writing off an entire genre of music. You don't like it personally - that's fine. But that doesn't mean it's crap.

So in answer to your "genuine question" - yes, YABU.

Ribbonsonabox · 29/12/2018 00:58

And it could be worse it could be Gabber

Greensleeves · 29/12/2018 01:02

I don't think "trolling" means what you think it means

People aren't trolling you, they are disagreeing with you.

I don't like my children's musical choices either. I don't like rap music and wouldn't listen to it by choice. I don't like dubstep or Kpop. I like folk music, rock music, 90s cheese, the stuff I grew up with.

I don't think that gives me the right to say that my children's choices are sad or that what they listen to isn't music. It pissed me off when my parents said that about my music, they were wrong and ignorant and I have no desire to be the same.

I do worry about some rap music having very violent or misogynistic lyrics, but so did some of "our" music. I used to time "Killing In The Name Of" so it shouted "Fuck you I won't do what you tell me" when my mum walked in. Great fun.

JonSnowsCloak · 29/12/2018 01:04

My taste as a 15 year old was all happy hardcore and I couldn't stand to listen to (most of it ;)) it now...it doesn't mean you are a snob it means your musical tastes have changed! My other half doesn't appreciate a lot of the music I like, I used to like Eminem etc at that age but it's just an expression of feelings/teenage angst/whatever their mates have introduced them to. They may still like it in a few years but they will have moved out by then ;)

redfruitgum · 29/12/2018 01:06

Personally I don't think there has been any decent original music since circa 2007 but as long as they are getting some enjoyment out of music then Im not too bothered

poxine · 29/12/2018 01:06

Really, I don't think any of the posters have listened to the shite thats around now. Usual MN "bubble" harking back to rock n' roll or dance music ffs.

Christmasisforadults2 · 29/12/2018 01:07

That beat you talk about takes ages to create. Those rap lyrics- may not be what you like but are meaningful to some.
I'm guessing you and your parents sat round listening to music together? Because I don't know many people who grew up with their parents agreeing with their music choice.

Smallhorse · 29/12/2018 01:07

It’s your job to hate his music!

edwinbear · 29/12/2018 01:10

I listen to rap and hip hop but draw the line at drill. It’s pretty unpleasant stuff and I think I’d be expressing a view if DC start to listen to it when their older.

But then I used to listen to Skid Row/Black Crowes/Dogs D’Amour growing up and it drove my parents to distraction.

Fatasfook · 29/12/2018 01:12

Yanbu

KeepServingTheFestiveSnogs · 29/12/2018 01:16

YABU OP because you're missing the point that you're not supposed to "get" your kids musical choices.

If something about their choices bothers you (misogamy) then have a conversation about that.
I could list a million dodgy lyrics in my top ten favourite songs of all time.
I can love a song and not want to be that way. (so many inappropriate lyrics are running through my head while I'm typing, I'm seriously considering starting a thread in chat! Actually, I might go and do that right now!)

My dad used to say things like "call that a song?" "there's no tune" "it doesn't make sense" None of that made me love them less.

Userplusnumbers · 29/12/2018 01:21

I don't know OP, you like what you like.

At the same time, the beatles were the originators of boyband fever, so... Tastes change I guess?

DeepanKrispanEven · 29/12/2018 01:26

Have you actually listened to, say, the lyrics of Beatles songs? Some of those are clearly misogynist.

KeepServingTheFestiveSnogs · 29/12/2018 01:26

Sssshhhh!

Don't tell MN it's a TAAT

But I've started one in chat...

iseecabbages · 29/12/2018 01:28

My kid brother liked that kind of awful music about 30 years ago. Hardcore techno or whatever it was called, he used to lock himself in bedroom and fall asleep to it full blast.

Nothing new, sure he’ll grow out of it.

dontfluffthefluffer · 29/12/2018 01:32

What sounds to you like a full on din won't be necessarily what he is hearing.

Many lyrics within rap are very nuanced and are full of word play. Yes, some of it is utter nonsense and misogynistic tripe but that's often all very keeping up appearances. The main feature of the drill style comes from the origin of rap battles wherein the whole point is to enrage and 'poke the bear' of the opponent (or opposing team) to invoke a reaction therefore losing them the battle due to becoming flustered/incoherent and losing the beat. This is a glorified and enhanced version. Musically there is a generalised beat often within the style but with differing lyrical beats.

Nevertheless, to you it may sound horrific but the more you push back, the more your son will listen. As is the way of teens.

Hopefully it opens up new areas of the genre to him in time as music tends to do. He's young, he wants to feel connected to something and music/drill rap is what he's connecting to now.

Ear plugs are a wondrous thing as are headphones for him. 😉

dontfluffthefluffer · 29/12/2018 01:33

Oops forgot to add, yep yabu. He likes what he likes, if we all liked the same the world would be dull as shit.

Alonglongway · 29/12/2018 01:39

Lol going by your list, guess we’re similar age. You remind me of the occasion when my dad burst into my room to ask if my stereo was broken. I was listening to Bauhaus and it was discordant to his music loving ear!

OkPedro · 29/12/2018 01:39

Nothing worse than a music snob
Those that think the music they like is the ONLY decent music.
I agree about misogynistic lyrics though.
Personally op no music is off limits for me. I was listening to cheesy Michael Bolton earlier. However my favourite music is trance and I love Coldplay

selepele · 29/12/2018 02:57

What artist does he listen to

Zfactorstar · 29/12/2018 05:10

Just because you don't like it, don't make it shit...

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 29/12/2018 05:35

Rap isn’t my favourite genre but I can appreciate that it’s a skill.

I do think as you get older new music becomes less tolerable. I’m 28 and I can’t listen to Radio 1.

But saying that I was so into Riot Grrrl when I was 16 but Jesus Christ I listen back and most of it is out of tune. I remember my stepmum letting me choose the music in her car one afternoon, I’m surprised she didn’t push me out.

ForalltheSaints · 29/12/2018 07:44

To me there is a difference between not to your taste and something that is misogynistic, or racist, promotes violence, for example. So YANBU to object to such 'music' and point it out to your DS.

IamTheMeg · 29/12/2018 07:55

Hmmmm

Have listened to some of my 2 teenage boys music I tend to agree with you OP and those who think it's snobbery obviously haven't listened to it!

I bought mine wireless earbuds for Christmas. I can pretend they're listening to frozen or something

NotACleverName · 29/12/2018 07:59

YABU. There’s plenty of rock music that can be considered misogynistic and violent.