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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do (upper) middle class people brag more?

126 replies

MuseumofInnocence · 28/12/2018 09:07

I've spent some time with extended family (I'm from a fairly ordinary background - upper working / lower middle). Anyway, much of the extended family is quite posh (doctors, lawyers, etc), and I noticed a few times that there was what I thought what I thought a bit of "signalling going on".

I was chatting to one chap, (doctor), who told me about his sister-in-law, whom I've never met, and he managed to slip in that his sister was a solicitor, and one of their daughters was studying medicine at Oxford and the other daughter was studying Law in London.

My next friend sidles up, and tells me about his promotion, and his new house, and literally manages to squeeze in (indirectly) the size, by telling me what the area of the ceiling he has to decorate!

It just seems to me with my friends from a similar background, we talk less about our work (and whatever successes we had) and more about general life.

AIBU to think it's a middle class thing to signal and brag like this? I don't think it's malicious and I know I can be a bit sensitive, coming from a less posh background.

OP posts:
echt · 28/12/2018 09:10

Doctors and lawyers aren't posh.

It's crass to brag off about these things. To respond when asked is quite different. No matter what the social class.

Jackshouse · 28/12/2018 09:11

I would not say they are upper middle class

JuneFromBethesda · 28/12/2018 09:14

Yes, I think you’re being a bit sensitive. The first man - generally what people do for a living is a fairly common conversational opening, and if I knew someone had children in their late teens / early twenties I would ask if they were studying somewhere, and what they were studying. I’d be interested. So what he said doesn’t sound like bragging to me.

The second guy does sound a little more annoying but maybe that’s just him. I don’t think you can make a sweeping assumption about an entire social class based on those two.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 28/12/2018 09:16

Really posh/upper middle class people tend not to brag at all IME.

The braggers tend to be the wannabe-considered-posh people. Or the people who are actually doing alright but are green with jealousy if someone has more.

TheSheepofWallSt · 28/12/2018 09:18

The UMC is not synonymous with professions like lawyers and doctors- it’s more about being born into reasonable amounts of money/ private education etc IMO.

I also think you’re perhaps being a little bit sensitive.

Nothisispatrick · 28/12/2018 09:19

Your profession does not make you posh.

What you kids do at uni and your job are normal conversation pieces. The second guy sounds like just a bit of a bore, you get those in any class.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 28/12/2018 09:19

(I also agree that the first guy wasn't bragging- he was simply presumably responding to a social situation where people talk about their children. If the second guy suddenly threw all that info randomly into a conversation then yes, bragging. Or was it a conversation between people who are finding out about each other?)

Stepmum3 · 28/12/2018 09:20

I actually find people who come from nothing brag more. However, money can buy many things but not class.

NonaGrey · 28/12/2018 09:22

I don’t know about the second man but I’m pretty sure the first person didn’t think he was bragging at all. He just thought he was making small talk about his family.

What’s bragging and what’s not is often about perspective. Man Two’s ceiling area might come across as bragging if you perceive it to be large but small talk if you perceive it to be normal or even small.

I don’t think MC people brag more than WC people but context and perspective are key.

JudasPrudy · 28/12/2018 09:23

I don't think so? It sounds like they're just talking about their lives, lucky them that a lot of good has happened to them recently! The worst offenders of my mates are a wc couple who are very into keeping up with the Joneses. First time they came to my house they asked me outright how much it had cost Confused and are always talking about their £2000 sofa etc. I'm happy for them but I'm a bit uncomfortable that they're waiting for me to tell them how much I spent on my sofa and I bought it second hand for £250 - I rarely buy furniture new, it seems wasteful in every possibly way.

WhiteDust · 28/12/2018 09:25

Nouveau riche middle classes brag.
Upper/upper middle don't.

CherryPavlova · 28/12/2018 09:26

They possibly aren’t ‘upper middle’ unless they’re on the circuit or similar. They might be from family heritage but not necessarily so.

They don’t sound like they were bragging just making conversation. At a drinks party you would normally find common ground and that often involves what your children do or where they are studying.

Other safe topics include where you live, whether you ski, holidays, building works, dogs, elderly parents and what you do. It would be crass to talk about politics, religion, your investments (unless sharing a good tip) and illnesses.

WhiteDust · 28/12/2018 09:26

Obviously not all, all of the time...

WhiteDust · 28/12/2018 09:27

That was an add on to my point... sorry!

MatildaTheCat · 28/12/2018 09:31

Proper Brag Twats can come from any social order in my experience.

JustABetterPlayer · 28/12/2018 09:33

A profession does not dictate class I’m afraid, most professionals are still working class. But do we really need another of these threads? Confused

noworklifebalance · 28/12/2018 09:35

It's not classy to brag and it's not limited to upper middle class.

TheFaerieQueene · 28/12/2018 09:37

It’s not a ‘class’ thing, it is a twat thing.

Guacatrole · 28/12/2018 09:41

^Nouveau riche middle classes brag.
Upper/upper middle don't.^

Yes, never Hmm

Op some people are cunts, this website seems obsessed with class. It’s cringy as fuck

SmokeGetsInYourEye · 28/12/2018 09:41

With your friends you know all this stuff about them with new acquaintances all these wealth indicators need to be signalled. I am intrigued by the information people choose to share with almost strangers.
Dh frequently meets for drinks with with Partners of the "big four" they like to discuss their "investment problem" regarding conflict of interest with clients, they don't know where to put all their money because it can't be invested in the stock market...so dh will come home from a quick drink with them, with stories of how they collect boats, watches, art work, houses around the world - it's very funny but it's also awful.
I can barely know someone at exercise class but I will always be told if their child is connected with Oxbridge and or that they are studying medicine or that they have a holiday home - even a 2 minute conversation on the train last night with a random woman who informed me about her son's medical career.

AnnaMagnani · 28/12/2018 09:41

What jobs you do and who your family are, are normal parts of conversation. Man 1 probably wasn't bragging but this was his normal (although I certainly have met people who do want to brag about this).

If you ask about someone's family, and one of them is studing at Oxford most people would be proud of that.

Otherwise you get the bizarre conversation I had at a Xmas party of 'my son's not v academic' and he then turned out to be in his second year at Oxbridge Shock

Lweji · 28/12/2018 09:47

People with intense jobs and few interests outside them may not have much to talk about or much else happening than a promotion and a new house, and could be overwhelmed by the amount of decoration needed. Because they aren't used to such large houses.

OP, are you saying that you never talk about new purchases, new jobs or promotions?

If you think about it, it may say more about you (put off with their descriptions of, let's call it, "success") than them (bragging or talking about what's happening in their lives?).

I find myself checking what I say around some less well off friends but not around similarly well off.
Any otherwise normal remark about money spent could be seen as showing off. And if I let a comment slip off I can see the mental comparison in their faces.
Your friends may not be as careful, but they may not be necessarily bragging. Just happy for themselves.

pineapplebryanbrown · 28/12/2018 09:47

Proper posh people don't brag at all and downplay their "stuff" they drive old Volvos and have dogs.

I went to my Tesco express recently and there were two nouveaus screeching their boasts at each other and holding up the queue. They were so funny and everyone just tutted and moved around them.

"Clarissa is at Cambridge and finding it so chilly with the wind coming straight off the Urals, she has to wear pure cashmere just to stay alive!"
"Oh, the poor dear. Antonia found that she was so cold when doing her PhD at Oxford that she had to keep the Aga on".
"Still, at least riding her dressage horse is good for her immune system"
"I find yachting is very bracing"

They were truly bellowing and it was so obvious that it was for the audience, everyone was just muttering "fuxake".

TatianaLarina · 28/12/2018 09:47

Really posh/upper middle class people tend not to brag at all IME.

Actually they can be as braggy as anyone.

TatianaLarina · 28/12/2018 09:50

Proper posh people don't brag at all and downplay their "stuff" they drive old Volvos and have dogs.

Nouveau riche middle classes brag.
Upper/upper middle don't.

Posh stereotypes bingo ahoy.