Do (upper) middle class people brag more?

[MuseumofInnocence]

I've spent some time with extended family (I'm from a fairly ordinary background - upper working / lower middle). Anyway, much of the extended family is quite posh (doctors, lawyers, etc), and I noticed a few times that there was what I thought what I thought a bit of "signalling going on".

I was chatting to one chap, (doctor), who told me about his sister-in-law, whom I've never met, and he managed to slip in that his sister was a solicitor, and one of their daughters was studying medicine at Oxford and the other daughter was studying Law in London.

My next friend sidles up, and tells me about his promotion, and his new house, and literally manages to squeeze in (indirectly) the size, by telling me what the area of the ceiling he has to decorate!

It just seems to me with my friends from a similar background, we talk less about our work (and whatever successes we had) and more about general life.

AIBU to think it's a middle class thing to signal and brag like this? I don't think it's malicious and I know I can be a bit sensitive, coming from a less posh background.

Gavin??

Agree they are just signalling in a different way...like the whole beat up Volvo/Land Rover.

Yes, they are basically saying 'I'm so rich and well-connected I don't need to worry about appearances like all the plebs'. It is boasting and a subtle way of putting you in your place.

I think they're just living their lives, not signalling. I disagree - they are signalling - people edit their conversations to present themselves in a particular light - we all do to an extent!

There is this misconception of the upper class as affable, eccentric and scruffy.
They most certainly are not.
I blame Dowton Abbey

I wouldn't count people talking about their children's university/degree/job as boasting, that's just normal conversation? And going by previous MN threads, most posters say when their DC gets into university/graduates they tell everyone because they are really proud, and that's lovely!

I don't think it's a class thing OP, I have met people from all classes who boast and people who don't, I think it's just down to the individual. Some people just don't have much of a filter and speak to strangers like they speak to close friends, which then gets misinterpreted. I quite like it when people boast, it's entertaining (but then I'm a bit nosy and don't take offense easily)!

Yabu and this is basically your own insecurity.

his sister was a solicitor, and one of their daughters was studying medicine at Oxford and the other daughter was studying Law in London.

This is small talk...with a relative... who is telling you about family... nothing wild or remarkable here.

I also don’t get how someone sister doing something makes him posh.

Also this is not about class, it’s about people.

Some people just love to brag but many “brag” because they are nervous people pleasers and want you to like them.

Of the “braggers” I know some of them are doing well, some doing not so well and some handed everything on a plate. 🤷‍♀️

I don’t think it sounds like bragging, it’s just their lives. Why is it ok to talk about ‘my SiL, Emma, has to head back to work today because M&S have started their sales’ but it’s not ok to mention if she was returning to Oxford for university? It’s just peoples lives, all equally mundane with moments of interest.

The thing about bragging is that it's relative. Telling a homeless person about your new conservatory is bragging, but not to the Queen.

These people are middle middle and trying to signal that they are not lower middle like you. Upper middle take things like going to oxford and large houses for granted. They also don’t feel the need to put the lower middle in their place.

I'm not sure that upper middle class don't brag. To them, going to Oxford may be normal, but in this case, they needed to tell me that their niece was at Oxford, rather than at a "lesser" university. They may not mean it maliciously, but it seemed like a signal

"It’s not a ‘class’ thing, it is a twat thing."

What TheFaerieQueene said.
We went to a friend's for drinks the other evening. I met her BIL for the first time, and he was so irritating. He basically sneered at anyone who buys supermarket wine (he is in the drinks industry, and OH who is knowledgable about wine said he was talking a load of bollocks - to me not to the BIL). He was snooty about all the local Indian restaurants, even the really good one where a load of Pakistanis/Bangladeshis go there to eat. He just ended up looking like a twat.

I don’t think it sounds like bragging, it’s just their lives. Why is it ok to talk about ‘my SiL, Emma, has to head back to work today because M&S have started their sales’ but it’s not ok to mention if she was returning to Oxford for university? It’s just peoples lives, all equally mundane with moments of interest.

But why would you talk about your sister emma who he doesn't know about her going back to work? Unless the question was "IS M&S open yet?"

If the OP had asked if the man knew any solicitors then yes it would make sense.

Not in my experience, my entire family is very upper middle class (not that you’d know it if you only knew me) and bragging is a definite no no.

When mum was dying and we were all at the house, my godmother brought her new husband, who looked so much like Larry Lamb I had to look twice (he wasn’t) and he started wittering on about the £1 million house they’d bought and how much he was spending on it. My uncles looked horrified, because they don’t talk about money, despite not being short of it in any way. It was a bit embarrassing and I ended up feeling very sorry for the husband, mostly because I guess it all depends on your own circle, and no matter who you are, being out of your own circle is awkward and embarrassing.

I brag relentlessly and I'm an unaspirational scruff.

But why would you talk about your sister emma who he doesn't know about her going back to work? Unless the question was "IS M&S open yet?"...If the OP had asked if the man knew any solicitors then yes it would make sense.

I think that's the point. It was information provided to me, that I didn't ask for, that seemed to be offered as a signal.

because they don’t talk about money, despite not being short of it in any way You can talk about money without talking about money directly - that would be why you'd have to mention your old beat up volvo which runs like a gem for the (private) school run.

We must just be different then. I’d talk about (non-existing) Emma in a ‘Aren’t we fortunate we’re both off today, unlike poor Emma’. It’s just conversation.

SmokeGetsInYourEye aye they don’t do that either. Odd bunch my family, look scruffy as fuck, and never, ever boast. Apart from my cousin, but he’s a massive knob
I on the other hand, am not minted and bizarrely attached to my scruffy old car but not for private school runs

My grandfather was knighted and my grannie hated the title, never used it. Unless she was on the phone to a call centre and needed to use it

Well quite Christmas, it’s not actual cash that’s bragged about, but there is a huge amount of signalling.
It’s pretty much all they do.

I was chatting to one chap, (doctor), who told me about his sister-in-law, whom I've never met, and he managed to slip in that his sister was a solicitor, and one of their daughters was studying medicine at Oxford and the other daughter was studying Law in London.
That doesn't sound like boasting. Just normal small talk about family.

It depends on personality more than anything. I'd say boasting comes more noticable though when there isn't anything really to boast about.

I think that's the point. It was information provided to me, that I didn't ask for, that seemed to be offered as a signal.

I don’t expect people to only talk about information which I ask for, and I wouldn’t have taken the topic as a ‘signal’. That’s just their lives at the moment. I wouldn’t take it to mean that they thought they were better than me. Maybe I just have higher self-esteem?

I’d rather hear about what’s happening in someone’s life than talk about brexit, or I’m a Celebrity, or the Eastenders Christmas special etc.

Generally speaking the biggest braggers (IME) are the 'moving class'. Working class people who did well and now consider themselves 'middle class'. I've known more like that over the years, than people who remain in the same class bracket they were brought up in.

Ask them how they are, and they'll tell you how much their new 3 piece suite from John Lewis cost

Ok I might have made ^^ that up but still, I do know people like that.

@ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn reminds me of a friend of a friend's dh, who is a retired GP - on the phone to B&Q and when asked his name he gave it as "Dr Surname" and how we all thought he sounded like a stupid twat - like he should get preferential treatment for his previous profession. Again Twat!

SmokeGetsInYourEye aye that sounds familiar (most of my family are doctors and a bit pedantic about being referred to as such). Now realising that they are all massive knobs.

Grannie wasn’t, she was wicked funny and only ever pulled out the “Lady xxxx” when she was getting nowhere with a dry smile.

But aye, I’ve realised reading this what dicks my extended family really are. Not that I speak to them much, or ever really.

There is this misconception of the upper class as affable, eccentric and scruffy.
They most certainly are not.

Some are, some aren’t. Background has no bearing on personality - there are good ‘uns and bad ‘uns from all classes.

True, dapple.
But people do seem to treat the upper classes like fluffy exotic pets, to marvel and be ever so slightly in awe of, when the reality is most of them are really not that cute.

OP, are you saying that you never talk about new purchases, new jobs or promotions?

I actually don’t. (...) but I have only mentioned to close friends

So, you do talk about it.