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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do (upper) middle class people brag more?

126 replies

MuseumofInnocence · 28/12/2018 09:07

I've spent some time with extended family (I'm from a fairly ordinary background - upper working / lower middle). Anyway, much of the extended family is quite posh (doctors, lawyers, etc), and I noticed a few times that there was what I thought what I thought a bit of "signalling going on".

I was chatting to one chap, (doctor), who told me about his sister-in-law, whom I've never met, and he managed to slip in that his sister was a solicitor, and one of their daughters was studying medicine at Oxford and the other daughter was studying Law in London.

My next friend sidles up, and tells me about his promotion, and his new house, and literally manages to squeeze in (indirectly) the size, by telling me what the area of the ceiling he has to decorate!

It just seems to me with my friends from a similar background, we talk less about our work (and whatever successes we had) and more about general life.

AIBU to think it's a middle class thing to signal and brag like this? I don't think it's malicious and I know I can be a bit sensitive, coming from a less posh background.

OP posts:
katekat383 · 28/12/2018 13:50

Angry?!?!?🤣

katekat383 · 28/12/2018 13:56

Other ways of applying the “angry” suggestion is to ask if a poster is “on glue”! It always signals irritation, I think.Grin

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 28/12/2018 13:57

I’m not irritated, I'm slightly amused that you’re so bitter and angry about it.

Do you often insult people’s dead relatives when you’re not angry?

Rachelle3211 · 28/12/2018 14:15

Sounds like conversation not bragging. It seems you perceived it as bragging due to your own insecurities. My step sister married one of the richest men in Canada. My brother is quite well off too. We're middle class. I've never taken them discussing their vacations, or cars or vacation homes personally. It's nice for them. I love my life. Their far wealthier lives in no way impact mine. I've never been jealous or assumed they were bragging.

Lweji · 28/12/2018 15:14

I think extended family events is not the same as talking to your nearest and dearest. Unless we know these children it's just not relevant to the social situation.

What do you talk about with extended family, then? The weather?
Politics? Sports? Religion? Wink
Surely it has to be their children, jobs, main life events (house purchases), and what they have been up to (holidays).

I think the people who truly brag don't really care to ask about you, they'll just talk about themselves, or will only ask as a prompt to get one over you.

Was this the case with your relatives, OP?

LiveSleepSnore · 28/12/2018 17:48

Brexit?!

No but I don't mention people they really don't know. I'd talk about the people we know in common. Or the weather!

Lweji · 28/12/2018 17:51

Surely, friend's or relative's children don't fall under "people I don't know". It's people who are extremely important for those friends or relatives. And "people" we have usually at least have heard about if not met at some point, if nothing else, because they are also our relatives in one case.

Lweji · 28/12/2018 17:53

It tends to fall under "how are you, and how is your (immediate) family?"

CookieDoughKid · 28/12/2018 17:55

I think it's not bragging. We regularly have drinks with venture capitalists, CXOs. My husband's former boss now good friend sold his last company for £145million and sent all 7 of his kids to private school. Another friends son is training to be a pilot. It's pretty normal conversation so we don't see it as bragging.

OutPinked · 28/12/2018 17:55

I have found the lower middle class feel the need to brag more than anyone else. I think it’s their attempt at keeping up with the Jones’ so to speak.

CookieDoughKid · 28/12/2018 17:56

We are poor end of middleclass. Can generally buy what we want without checking the price but can't afford an Aston Martini without remortgaging.

CookieDoughKid · 28/12/2018 17:57

That sounded crass sorry. Not poor.

user1499173618 · 28/12/2018 17:57

People talk about their lives and the stuff they and their families do. They aren’t necessarily bragging (though they may be) if they talk about their children’s university or jobs or about home improvements.

SmokeGetsInYourEye · 28/12/2018 18:04

That sounded crass sorry You certainly did Grin

LiveSleepSnore · 28/12/2018 18:05

I don't mind asking about their kids and such but I wouldn't be volunteering a description of what my children were doing to people who don't know them. Last event I was at my children weren't there and I don't think I talked about them much at all and then only to older relatives who have met them.

Just different strokes I think.

SmokeGetsInYourEye · 28/12/2018 18:14

The last time I encountered a braggingfest was a bit embarrassing because the couple regaled all the impressive people they knew in their lives and there were many and they ranged from their parents aunts uncles all their kids too - dh and I made all the right noises, smiled and nodded but despite the long list they ran out and dh and I did not respond with our own list - they they asked about our impressive list and dh and I changed the subject - I really like the couple, they were great fun and I hope that's the bragging done for now because I really find it very unpleasant to listen to.
Enjoying my friend's/relative's dc's achievements comes from knowing them and the struggles they've had to overcome to achieve great things - I can't get excited or do I care for those who's success appears to come easily - sorry it's just such a dull story.

grasspigeons · 28/12/2018 18:22

I've realised i dont know any upper class people at all and the number of upper middle class people i know is decreasing as they die off. I therefore cant answer the question. I really thougt i had an opinion initially.

PickAChew · 28/12/2018 18:23

What's with all the fucking class threads?

Hannnnnnnxo · 28/12/2018 18:36

The truly wealthy do live a lifestyle that would be different to the general ‘working class’, so I think they sometimes inadvertently brag amongst normal conversation - the other party would naturally tune into those aspects as it would be so contrasted to their lives. I don’t think most wealthy/upper class people purposely brag, as they don’t need to impress anyone with their wealth. EG spending thousands on a suit, but with no exterior designer branding on show sort of thing.

Think speaking about their frequent holidays/time spent travelling, what their cleaner/personal chef/accountant/ solicitor/stylist etc did, even just replacing something they just bought, like a car etc. They may not be trying to make the other party feel bad as it is just an accurate description of their lives but it can come across that way if you’re living paycheck to paycheck.

However the working class definitely brag too - think on social media. Living in a council house and begging everyone they know for money, but posting their new Gucci on instagram

jessstan2 · 28/12/2018 18:46

What you perceive as 'bragging' is just normal conversation. I've often perceived people saying it is 'bragging' or 'putting on side' when it isn't, but they are being a little defensive, showing their own insecurities.

In a friendly or family situation, anyone should be free to talk about people close to them in a pleasant way, without criticism. They would be terribly embarrassed or hurt if they knew what was said about them - it's a form of snobbery.

SmokeGetsInYourEye · 28/12/2018 18:47

EG spending thousands on a suit, but with no exterior designer branding on show sort of thing.

Think speaking about their frequent holidays/time spent travelling, what their cleaner/personal chef/accountant/ solicitor/stylist etc did, even just replacing something they just bought, like a car etc.

When speaking to someone who lives a vastly different lifestyle to you, you naturally adjust the topics of conversation to something relevant to the other person - you would not complain about your personal chef/ the butler to a random person you bumped into at the pub.

UsedtobeFeckless · 28/12/2018 19:12

Fuck's sake ... ls it Class War Week and l missed the memo, or what?

Badadadum · 28/12/2018 19:36

We have admonished severely by the "poorer" side of the family for talking about what we perceived to be normal stuff - going on holidays - we did not go into the details on accommodation - just not package holidays - so mostly camping & self-catering, not allowing dcs to spend hours on xbox - that is apparently very snobby and completely outrageous of us and not eating ready meals and the worst - stupidly talking about trying to save money because we obviously don't need to.

Anyway we have learnt our lesson and now we only talk to them about what everyone else is doing and we are very reluctant to talk about any part of our lives...I hope that smooths things over and makes everyone else happy but it has made us feel the distance more - I'm not sure they have even noticed - not that it matters.

wallyfeatures · 28/12/2018 19:44

Badadadum Experienced exactly the same thing. Inverted snobbery at its worst. We no longer share any details of our family and it makes the conversation very one-sided. There is no 'glue' to keep the family together and it is showing. Luckily we have friends from all social spheres who are good at shooting the breeze and talking about everything and anything without regard to social status or wealth. It's great to get a really wide perspective on the world and how all types of people live.

lavalampoon · 28/12/2018 19:56

In my experience of relatives and other people's relatives I've spent a lot of time with, the ones who brag most have tended to be what people would normally define as somewhere at the top end of working class. They were the ones who I noticed talking a lot about what they'd just bought, how big their tv was, which iPhone they had, the latest must have toys they'd bought for their kids, which (fairly standard) car they'd got. I also noticed how they'd buy things like M&S food and go on a lot about the fact that's which shop it had come from, or open a bottle of Moët and make sure everyone on Facebook knew about it. I don't think that it's necessarily class specific, it's just that they were the type to brag and these sort of things were what they could show off about. A crass very rich person would just be showing off which private jet they'd just bought or how big their yacht was instead.