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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with being the 3rd wife?

86 replies

christmasbells · 27/12/2018 21:22

Long time mumsnetter, name changed. DH is 42, 3rd marriage to me and yes I knew about it! 2'd time for me. 2nd wife is ever present in our lives.

Please can other 3rd timers tell me it gets easier?

OP posts:
WhatsUpHun · 27/12/2018 21:24

So what is the actual problem?

You knew you were going to be the 3rd wife when you married him?

Confused
Santaisonthesherry · 27/12/2018 21:25

Dh is my 4th!! Happy in the knowledge he will be the last!!

Thewifipasswordis · 27/12/2018 21:25

Not sure I could marry a bloke who's had two failed marriages personally. Why did you if you knew wife #2 was in the frame?

TheVanguardSix · 27/12/2018 21:26

What’s the actual problem?

Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/12/2018 21:26

Is it because he has young dc with the 2nd wife?

BumDisease · 27/12/2018 21:27

Why did you marry him then?

adaline · 27/12/2018 21:27

Why did you marry him in the first place then?

xTinkerhellx · 27/12/2018 21:28

You knowingly married a man who had two ex wives and are now pissed off because you knowingly married a man who has two ex wives?

🤨🤨🤨🤨

ThePortlyPinUp · 27/12/2018 21:28

I'm a 3rd wife, he has joked that I'm his favourite so far. He is my first husband and I really couldn't be bothered to find another.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 27/12/2018 21:28

What xTinkerhellx said!!!

gimmeadoughnut123 · 27/12/2018 21:29

Why did you marry him if you would have any problems with being his 3rd wife? Surely those issues should have been put to bed first?

greendale17 · 27/12/2018 21:29

Only 42 and been married 3 times? Big red flag there

HarrietSmith · 27/12/2018 21:32

I think in some cases it does get easier. I am very fond of my stepchildren - who are from my husband's second marriage. (The first marriage doesn't really count I think. They were young, had no children and drifted apart.) And I've had significant relationships. I think if you get together when both of you are a bit older, you both have baggage. It's about learning to carry it, if you get my drift.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 27/12/2018 21:32

It could be worse. My sister married a man who had two former wives, having cheated on both of them. They(the 1st and 2nd wives) had a total of four children, who were related on both sides because their mothers were first cousins.

The bitterness and backbiting is almost unlimited. And the husband is no prize either. He is a predatory weasel and I have no idea why so many perfectly sane women are still competing for his attention. I can only assume that he's hung like a horse.

ThistleAmore · 27/12/2018 21:33

I jokingly call my OH 'the current Mr ThistleAmore' (not married but been together 15 years. I don't really believe in marriage, TBH).

His brother is on his third marriage. We couldn't make the last one, but apparently it isn't good form to send a card saying 'sorry we can't make it, see you next time!'.

People are so sensitive these days. Grin

Original poster
christmasbells · 27/12/2018 21:38

Thanks for the comments.

As per my message I did know and thought I could deal with it but it seems to get harder not easier so was hoping for some solace rather than bashing!

OP posts:
ItIsChristmasTime · 27/12/2018 21:40

What is it in particular that you can’t deal? Would it be ok if he had lived with two partners and been committed to them for several years rather than marrying them?

SecretWitch · 27/12/2018 21:41

I'm a third wife. My husband has no children and no contact with his previous wives. There are certainly days when I understand why he has been divorced twice.

Maybe83 · 27/12/2018 21:42

What is the actual problems though?

Is it your dh having children with some one else or just knowing that your dh has already been down this path with other women has devalued your marriage?

adaline · 27/12/2018 21:43

Well, what is it that upsets you? You presumably dated him/lived with him before marrying him and managed okay, so what is it about the marriage that you find so hard?

xTinkerhellx · 27/12/2018 21:43

What it is that you are struggling to deal with?

That they exist? That they are still present in his life? Is it the actual wives specifically as people or just that he has done this marriage thing a couple of times?

Without saying what the issue is, people will take your post at face value, which is that YABU for being pissed off at being a third wife when you married someone who has 2 ex wives.

hooveringhamabeads · 27/12/2018 21:43

My bf has been married 3 times and I’ve made it abundantly clear that I won’t be the 4th. I’ve never been married and deep down I would quite like to in the right situation, but there is no way on earth I am going to be anyone’s 4th wife. Living apart and not marrying seems to be working quite well!

TheGoodEnoughWife · 27/12/2018 21:43

My dh is my third marriage.

First husband age 17. Lasted a year. Was a mistake - clearly.
My second died.
Now the current dh.

No red flags in my case I don't think! Depend entirely on circumstances.

Is this more about the second one still being around so much?

steff13 · 27/12/2018 21:44

If you don't want to be the 3rd wife, you don't have to be.

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 27/12/2018 21:46

I've only been married once and I know for sure I won't be doing it again. Ever.

Reading with interest though!

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