To be pissed off with being the 3rd wife?

[christmasbells]

Long time mumsnetter, name changed. DH is 42, 3rd marriage to me and yes I knew about it! 2'd time for me. 2nd wife is ever present in our lives.

Please can other 3rd timers tell me it gets easier?

@everybodylovesraymond
or maybe you are calling the previous poster disgusting?

I’m confused!

I’m just somewhat surprised by the judgment from posters about a situation of which they know no detail

God I hate drip feeds and this is like getting blood out of a stone.

There’s a problem but the OP can’t articulate it.

How can you know it’s disgusting without knowing the circumstances for the L/NC?!

True, I shouldn't have posted that. I just always put my step children before me. Not seeing a child screams more of a failure than moving on from an ex wife. Children should always come first. Obviously I don't know the circumstances.

I don't get how you would feel insecure about an ex marriage.

That's entirely possible Everybody. He could have got out of terrible relationships early. I still think that he married too quickly in that case -,but that is just my opinion on the couple that I know.

Not sure I could marry a bloke who's had two failed marriages personally. Why did you if you knew wife #2 was in the frame?

Well, I'm glad DP doesn't feel the same about me having two ex husbands. The first was out and out abusive, beating me on a regular basis, not letting me have a life. Leaving jobs at the drop of a hat, so I had to be the main breadwinner. The second left me for the OW, blaming me and my 'failings', like us being in debt, because I am rubbish with money, not being able to keep the house immaculate, in spite of me working 10 hours a week ore than his full time job! He left me in rent arrears, which I cleared to get him off the tenancy and went through the OWs savings pretty quickly.

Why should I be judged for having these two failed marriages behind me?

Why should the OPs husband?

I don't think you're not feeling special is down to you being a 3rd wife, more down to who your DH is.

So no, it's not likely to change much, because that IS who he is. Do you get on with no.2 wife? If so, can you talk to her about any of it? Or are you just highly resentful of the fact that she's still around so much?

Who broke up that marriage, her or him? That might make a difference in terms of your reactions to her, of course.

Is your baby your DH's first child? Does he not seem that interested in the baby?

I think I understand, but unfortunately it says more about your husband than it does about the fact that you're his third wife 😕.

I'm DH's 2nd wife (his first marriage was fairly brief, no children, so not really comparable with your situation) but, although he is not particularly romantic in the traditional sense, he makes me feel special and I know he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. His first wife is a non-issue. You don't feel that way and I think perhaps you both need to address that rather than you fretting over him having done this twice before.

Why should I be judged for having these two failed marriages behind me?

Why shouldn't you? When it comes to dating, we are entitled to judge all we like. I don't have to get involved with short people, tall, fat, thin, black or white, rich or poor. That's my choice. People are quite entitled to steer clear of someone with 2 failed marriages behind them.

craft has a point. People can have whatever line they want for their relationships.
I wouldn't rule someone out for having had 3+ marriages or judge them as a person, but it would make me more cautious about considering a serious relationship. To me, marriage is different from a long term relationship as it's a legal arrangement.

Guess you’re both a demonstration of hope over common sense - done mean to offend , just my dry sense of humour - good luck - am sure things will be ok . My rule if things are ‘ shit ‘ is evolve the way I deal with it .