To be pissed off with being the 3rd wife?

[christmasbells]

Long time mumsnetter, name changed. DH is 42, 3rd marriage to me and yes I knew about it! 2'd time for me. 2nd wife is ever present in our lives.

Please can other 3rd timers tell me it gets easier?

scarbados so sorry too.

No it's not always about the Husband being an idiot.

christmasbells do you understand why his last marriages didn't work?

XH's proposal to me: "How would you like to be the next Mrs X?"

I must have been desperate to accept such a hideous proposal.

If he has children then you have to accept this though, it's not always a bad thing having step children.

I think sometimes these things are just circumstances and bad luck. I’ve got a friend who thanks to an early marriage and a tragically young death is onto his fourth wife. He’s in no way dodgy.

It wouldn't be for me to marry a man whom not only had been married once before but an absolute no no being the 3rd wife especially when he's only in his 50's
It of course could be that he chose the wrong women for him or vice versa but I would seriously consider that he was in fact the problem

DH is my first and I’m his 4th.......and he’s L/NC with his DD (who is only a few years younger than me).

I wouldn't go planning your silver anniversary celebration just yet if i were you.

I know three men who have been married more than twice. I find they walk into and then away from their marriages very easily. It’s like anything, once you’ve done it a few times it’s very easy to keep on doing it when the going gets tough. Just an observation.

@CarolDanvers

I think sometimes these things are just circumstances and bad luck. I’ve got a friend who thanks to an early marriage and a tragically young death is onto his fourth wife. He’s in no way dodgy.

Three tragically young deaths? In vague circumstances? They all accidentally brutally cut their head off whilst combing their hair?

This is a non issue surely?

Maybe the other women weren't right for him or vice versa.

Do you mean that you wish you were the 1st wife rather than there being something wrong about being 3rd?

We need more details like why he's in contact with #2 but not #1

I didn’t post that queendoris.

Three tragically young deaths? In vague circumstances? They all accidentally brutally cut their head off whilst combing their hair?

As Oscar Wilde would say, "to have one wife die is unfortunate, but 2 is carelessness"

Not every situation is the same though. I'm not going to reveal the ins and outs of my Husbands situation on here as I cringe at some of the people who do this. I don't think some posters realise how many women use Mumsnet and I would quite easily spot someone I know.

Also, I know some people who are in their first marriages who obviously aren't with the love of their lives. So who is happier in the long run.

I'm DH's third wife. We got married when he was in his early 40s, wives 1 and 2 are both dead. No kids. I do check his desk periodically to see if there's a large life insurance policy taken out on me that I don't know about ;) It doesn't bother me, given his previous luck I was quite chuffed that he loved me enough to want to try marriage again!

For me, it's no different to having had two serious LTRs. Which most folks in their 40s would have had.

DH is my first and I’m his 4th. Absolutely no contact with any ex’s though and he’s L/NC with his DD (who is only a few years younger than me).

What a prince he is

The only man I know on his third wife is still happily married to her after 20 years. I think it might be easier as he had no children with his previous wives.

I did think she was mad though - and I do think two divorces means it is likely he enters and leaves marriages too easily.

What's L/NC?

That's another thing, people may assume the man is marrying a younger woman each time but this is not always the case.

AnneElliott or he has the balls to quit while he's ahead. Both my LTR's were twats. I'm so glad I got rid.

At least you accept that you are his third wife. Does anyone remember that bizarre thread where a poster kept insisting that she wasn't her husband's second wife, even though he'd previously been married to another woman?

L/NC is low/no contact with his dd.

He sounds like a real prize.

*L/NC is low/no contact with his dd.

He sounds like a real prize.*

That's disgusting.

@everybodylovesraymond

How can you know it’s disgusting without knowing the circumstances for the L/NC?!

I can understand not feeling special and wishing that ex-wives did not exist. People will say ‘well you knew before you married him you’d be the 3rd” but I imagine there is a part of you that hoped that after getting married that feeling would fade. And it’s disappointing that it hasn’t.
But you said you had a baby. Has he had children before?

I'm sorry for your recent losses @christmasbells

It's always hard losing loved ones and living with grief is painful. At the same time you are nurturing a new life and finding your way in a new marriage. It's no wonder you're having a tough time, particularly as it sounds as if you are feeling emotionally unsupported.

It sounds like you feel that Mr bells doesn't really see you; that he goes through the mechanical motions of being married to you. I hate to say it but will, gently: perhaps he does take marriage for granted, navigating on some sort of automatic pilot and that is why you are his third.

I think it's not feeling very special. It's my second time, I get it's very different. He's not a romantic but sometimes I feel like I'm just another one in the line.

I don't think it should feel like this. Mr bells needs to step up and try harder to be a better husband.