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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with being the 3rd wife?

86 replies

christmasbells · 27/12/2018 21:22

Long time mumsnetter, name changed. DH is 42, 3rd marriage to me and yes I knew about it! 2'd time for me. 2nd wife is ever present in our lives.

Please can other 3rd timers tell me it gets easier?

OP posts:
SD1978 · 27/12/2018 21:46

You haven't really given any details as to what aspect of being a third wig is bothering you, or one hat way the second is still involved. Was first a young marriage and short, second longer with kids, and now you?

MissCharleyP · 27/12/2018 21:47

DH is my first and I’m his 4th. Absolutely no contact with any ex’s though and he’s L/NC with his DD (who is only a few years younger than me). What is the issue with his EXW?

seasidegAL2018 · 27/12/2018 21:48

I think it's not feeling very special.
It's my second time, I get it's vey different.

He's not a romantic but sometimes I feel like I'm just another one in the line and wondered if others felt the same? Of course the poster who commented re relationships without marriage is correct but he was in a LTR before we met (last divorce was at 32).

It's hard to explain how I feel. Had a lot of bereavement this year and a baby so emotionally all over the place.

Starlight456 · 27/12/2018 21:48

I don’t really understand why it’s an issue if I am honest?

letsdolunch321 · 27/12/2018 21:49

Can you explain what the problem is?

Is wife no 2 needy/always wanting finances or children looked after?

EverybodyLovesRaymond · 27/12/2018 21:50

Not sure I could marry a bloke who's had two failed marriages personally. Why did you if you knew wife #2 was in the frame?

A bit harsh, not everyone's life is easy.

Original poster
christmasbells · 27/12/2018 21:50

Sorry had switched bk to old name. No I'm not sure I do either really. Obviously my issue. Just wondered if others had felt similar

OP posts:
letsdolunch321 · 27/12/2018 21:52

As a 2nd/3rd wife you are always going to encounter some problems with previous wifes/children.

It is when they keep asking exh for money as their benefits have not come through - that is just one example I have. Luckily my dp is quite firm when he knows she is taking the piss.

WhatsUpHun · 27/12/2018 21:53

No one knows what the problem actually is....

WhatsUpHun · 27/12/2018 21:54

seasidegAL2018
^I think it's not feeling very special.
It's my second time, I get it's vey different.^
Is this you? It's as special as you want to make it

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 27/12/2018 21:55

Maybe on some level it feels like he's having a conveyor belt of wives? Just guessing.

MaisyPops · 27/12/2018 21:55

It depends on what the issue is.
If it's the very fact you're the 3rd wife then that seems a bit daft as it was always going to be the case.
If it's that he is tied to previous wives by children then that connection was always going to be there.
If it's the 2nd wife being too close then I can we why that would be an issue.

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 27/12/2018 21:55

Lots of celebs seem to do it. Male and female.

adaline · 27/12/2018 21:58

What I don't understand is why the marriage feels different to just being in a relationship?

I mean, you knew about them beforehand - so why get married if it bothered you?

LilQueenie · 27/12/2018 22:03

we need to know why wife 1 is not in the picture and the reason why wife 2 is. Also what is it that she does that bothers you so much?

LouLou789 · 27/12/2018 22:03

Christmasbells, Uniess he has a child with wifey no 2, there’s no reason for any contact. If they do have one or more kids then a co-operative relationship is preferabke, but I’m wondering if she’s trying to use the kids as a weapon/ way in?

scarbados · 27/12/2018 22:03

Ist marriage at 27, lasted 3 years because of his hobbies (getting drunk, fucking my 'friends' while I worked shifts as a nurse and punching me when I objected to the first 2).
2nd - no marriage but I was 36 and lived with him for 3 years. He died of cancer.
3rd - again, no marriage but lived with him from 40 to 44. He was killed in a RTA.
4th - met him at 51, married him 10 years later and still happy/in love/all the rest of it.

I'm his first wife, he's in effect my 4th husband and doesn't have a problem with it. Not everyone's life runs as they expect of hope it to.

EverybodyLovesRaymond · 27/12/2018 22:03

My Husband has two ex wives as I have several failed relationships. We are very much in love and happy. Doesn't bother me one bit.

Yambabe · 27/12/2018 22:06

Technically I am DH's 3rd wife, although that was because he married the first one twice.

I've never felt second best. Or third for that matter!

My way of looking at it is it took him til he met me to get it right Smile

GenerationSnowflake · 27/12/2018 22:06

sounds like your problem is not about the number but the personality of wife number 2!
2nd wife is ever present in our lives why is she? Do they have kids and need to be?

bumblenbean · 27/12/2018 22:10

scarbados what an awful lot of tragedy you’ve had to face, I’m so sorry Flowers but very glad to hear you are now happy.

I must admit I was initially a little cynical about third/fourth marriages but Your story also illustrates how it’s not always a case of simply a flighty spouse!

Ellie56 · 27/12/2018 22:16

You still haven't told us why 2nd Wifey is "ever present". Please explain!

Serialweightwatcher · 27/12/2018 22:16

It's a bit confusing because you're not saying what is bothering you about it ... you knew it when you married him, so what's the problem now?

QueenDoris · 27/12/2018 22:17

I thought he was a virgin

Confused
abbsisspartacus · 27/12/2018 22:19

DO THEY HAVE CHILDREN? WHY IS SHE HANGING AROUND!

Sorry but your not answering the questions

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