To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

I am fairly aware of my privilege here - I grew up definitely WC, still identify as WC, but others identify me as MC - I have a degree, I have an accent loosely resembling received pronunciation (it's really just an odd hybrid accent that makes me sound well spoken) and I mostly follow gentle/attachment/etc parenting.

So, while we live in a falling apart 2up2down in a WC area (genuinely all we can afford to rent), mostly need (rather than choose) to shop in charity shops, and so on, because of those appearances, nobody bats an eyelid at my son looking scruffy (he chooses his own clothes, and we're slowly working on a strong bath aversion that means he's only been flannel washed for months). I have no appearances to "keep up".

I know lots of middle class people who pass on baby clothes...I had loads which my dc wore. Had no issue with it.

Then someone in my family who is not mc had a baby, living in temp housing, single mum on benefits. I offered her a load of lovely baby clothes I had kept. All in good condition, not stained from nice shops. She declined and was clearly slightly offended. The thing is, I think she must have thought I offered them to her because of her situation, but that's not correct, I'd have offered them to anyone irrespective of their financial/social situation.

Anyway, once her baby was born, it was decked out from day one in designer labels. I actually find it really sad.

Well this thread is a revelation. I always thought I was middle class but my DC wear Disney, unicorns and reversible sequin tops - sometimes all at the same time! - so ergo we are working class.

Why is anyone obsessed with class in 2018?

They’re just children playing. Regardless of parents or social status. Bloody hell.

Yes we do lots of charity shopping and hand me downs. Ethically financially and environmentally we prefer it. We are also naturally untidy but I would like to be tidier.

Im probably middle class but got most of dds clothes in charity shops. I notice that my sil who is on benefits spends a fortune on her ds. Getting latest gadgets and phones etc. Yet they can’t afford the basics at times. I think that’s crazy. Personally I prefer to spend the money on my dds school trips and nice holidays for the family.

Chocolate 1984- absolutely like this in the area I referred too where the mums are all glam and stylish (no garish ‘fun’ prints) and the kids are scruffy in whatever the child themselves has picked or in good quality sports wear as all very sporty.

Yes definitely, I grew up very working class but am now I guess upper middle class and my kids are always immaculate. It was a big thing when I was growing up that babies always had the best you could afford and always a new pram etc for every baby.

Some of the mums used to take the pis and call me a chav for dressing my boys in Rachel Riley rompers long before Kate started dressing George in them and they looked beautiful. I used to love it when old ladies always stopped me to chat and say it was lovely to see babies dressed as babies should be.

I can see what you are all saying but I am ocd and very much middle class and my DS has short hair (because all his cousins and friends have “long scruffy” hair that I can’t abide) and my DD always has French plaits (because I couldn’t be bothered treating her for head lice) basically I do it for less battles with DS (what boy wants his hair brushed ffs) and for less hassle with DD!! And I dress them “nicely” Boden, Jojo etc although I do mix it up with next and primark tbh

I think a lot of it is outlay. You see this in a lot of UMC and UC families in particular - they will spend an awful lot of money on an item, but it will be for the quality not the look or the label - but then wear or use it until it literally falls apart. This in turn leads to a scruffy/don’t care look.

WC are much greater consumers of cheaper, disposable goods, so more likely to be wearing something fresh and new.

And middle class parents (I include myself here) get a kick out of appearing non materialistic

Yes, this too. It is always apparent on the "How much have you spent on Christmas presents?" threads too. The people who aren't buying their dc piles of iPhones and Xboxes are not necessarily the ones who can't afford to.

theMeg I can't deny it...

Children of the sun- the sequin thing is nonsense- some try to hard to look middle class maybe but those I know who don’t give a toss have kids dressed in whatever the child is drawn too in the shop- hence sparkles everywhere

OOOh!!!!!Swipey lego sequin t-shirts!

Thanks!

Have never really thought about it- but from this thread we are the outdoorsy/country scruffs! Yes are in Boden, Frugi, white stuff but it's all handed down and around amongst family and friends- they grow so quickly dont see point of buying new new! Also DC could attract muck and general filth in a glass box so never been worried about being dirty!

Really move?do you need it explained,spelt out.class impacts upon education & health
The class and finances of a child upbringing impact upon health,education,opportunities,social role models,experiences
So no they’re not “just children playing”, Far from it I’m afraid

As a Nanny it's something I've noticed too. Most of the kids I know with nannies (wealthy families) the kids are dressed in hand me downs with no much care?
Don't get me wrong I'm all for hand me downs but I have looked after mostly kids who have very few items of clothing that have not gone through several others beforehand. Sometimes it's embarrassing.

Whereas there are people with considerably less money whose children are always smartly presented.

Just an observation really but something I've noticed for years now.

Why is anyone obsessed with class in 2018

Like it or not, life in the UK is saturated with class assumptions/markers/attitudes. It has nothing to do with treating people with equal politeness/consideration, or thinking people are meters or worse as human beings, but being aware of the social differences.

Us poor people can't afford to look poor!

And those complaining about anyone talking about class - it is easy to not see class or say it is unimportant when you are privileged.
Reminds me of some white people saying they don't see ethnicity.

Meters?????Better.

Although now I have just looked online for stats and apparently we are UMC verging on elite (DHs side of family 🤣)

Why is anyone obsessed with class in 2018?

Because human beings are status-driven animals, and because human behaviour, social cues and tribes are endlessly fascinating.

But why on earth should a child be 'smartly presented'? They're not going for a job interview! Let them wear hand-me-downs and get messy, fgs. There's nothing 'embarrassing' about a child wearing second-hand clothes.

Boden and Joules are quite colourful and look ver mix and match often which can look scruffy to the untrained eye!

Aha, so it's special training that makes people mix floral patterns with stripes?