To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

What the fuck is a swipey sequin?

Ds used to be a picture-perfect MC moppet with long blond straggly hair, in permanently mucky third-hand sweaters and cords. Now, at nearly 16, he's discovered 90s Britpop and lives in pristine Sergio Tacchini with a fiercely short haircut. I secretly hate it but it does make me laugh - it's my comeuppance for never nit-combing him, I guess.

I’d never let my kids be dirty though. The unbrushed hair, ‘haha nits again’ and baths once a week brigade are irritating.

bluebell Generations of good nutrition and good healthcare when you had to pay for it. makes a difference. It is epigenetics.

just wish they made them for boys

Swipe sequins.....they do make them for boys clothes! I have seen dinosaurs, Star Wars, Marvel etc

I think there is something in this. We live an area where houses now cost £800k up to £1.7million. Parents look immaculate but their kids are scruffs.

I think something has been missed (apologies if I’m the one that’s missed it in the thread). In addition to everything Seles that has been said, I think it all starts with quality of clothes. Good quality, with good material and well cut clothes just look better regardless.

It’s not just about 'scruffy' or not. 'Working class' cheap clothes will look awful if allowed to get scruffy, so the only option is smart. Good quality clothes look good however and last longer, so are more likely to get to the scruffy stage while in a still wearable condition.

In the same way scruffy 'rich' hair is different to scruffy 'poor' hair (I used to love people watching and trying to work out the difference . Someone with more disposable income is likely to eat better and have healthier hair than someone living hand to mouth. Middle class people can get away with 'scruffy ' hair in a way that the working class can’t.

I guess we are what you would term middle class and I’ve never thought of this.
Have wondered why a family I know who are low-income earners (I do know this, not just assuming) always turn up immaculately dressed in Gucci etc but now I know why!
Mine tend to be in mismatched skirts and tops and if I’ve managed to catch them before running out to play their hair is brushed into a messy ponytail !
I’m a bit shocked that people might judge them for having a bit of mud on their clothes from playing outside or their hair slightly out of place ! Can’t really see why it would matter unless we were going to a special event - such as a christening or party.

And yes I agree that some poorer people have more insecurity/fear of being judged. My nan was very working class, worked from 14 in a factory but she was always spotless and well dressed and would have an absolute fit if any of her children had not brushed their hair or were wearing even vaguely inappropriate clothing.
I briefly went to a public school because my parents came into some money and yes it was common amongst truly wealthy people who also came from wealthy families to look an absolute state, giant houses which were absolutely filthy and full of old stuff... there is at least some truth in the statement that people who've never had to worry too much about money do give zero shots about being judged

Yes, my DD is scruffy. Also middle class brands like Boden and Joules are quite colourful and look ver mix and match often which can look scruffy to the untrained eye!

Mine are Farm/horsey kids .. i try not to take them to parties/supermarket looking like complete urchins ( they are often filthy at home) but tbh i only dress up to go out out so day to day i’m in comfortable, practical clothes and so are the kids. Hair is usually brushed when we go somewhere though...
They do like to dress up nicely for special occasions.
I have a professional (legal) job, Dh is a farmer/contractor... no idea what class we are tbh..🤷🏻‍♀️

Evertingt bluebellpillow said - spot on.

I am MC and my kids go to playgroup, school and nursery in a WC area and I have defintely observed this. I am in awe that some of the mums can get their daughters to sit down and have their hair scraped back perfectly. My daughter runs from hair brushes and rips out any clips or bands I put in. No idea how they do it!

However, I went on a school trip lately and the WC girls looked immaculate, like dolls, but I noticed they wanted to maintain that and didn’t get as involved in outdoor play as they might have done and I personally wouldn’t want that for my daughter.

TimeandTune As long as there is a real stigma about being poor, it is going to be like this.

If you read "Watching the English", it describes this perfectly. And it depends entirely on how middle class you are, and how secure within that class.

So, my most upper middle class friend, who was brought up in that world, dresses her very expensively educated dcs in car boot sale second hand stuff, school uniform all from the second hand uniform shop at the school. Long hair, slightly scruffy.

Other friends who are local to me, definitely middle class, but fairly new to this world - dcs dressed in designer clothes, beautifully turned out. Smart hair cuts.

I think it's partly a security thing. The latter group are worried about fitting in.

UnnecessaryFennel

this

I've noticed on Mumsnet that people give much more of a toss about kids' appearance. I genuinely don't care that much about what the kids wear. If I do dress them up it's for me more than them - they are happy in clothes that closely resemble pyjamas (leggings and long sleeved T shirts) so that's generally what they wear. I don't really care if they match or not. Why does it matter?

I totally agree OP. It is most definitely a thing and most likely due to class privilege - no concern that SS will be called if kids turn up grubby (see also lateness: Middle class = flaky; everyone else = lazy)

This is spot on!

I don't think the OP is self-deprecating! Just observing.

In my experience, the children of middle-class families are worse behaved than working-class children too; for the same reasons.

Everything seems to come back to class over here! With huge arguments about what constitutes working class, middle class, and upperclass, and weirdly, it seems like any one of those classes can constitute a mortal insult.

no-your hv wouldnt. She looks for steady weight gain, reasonable age appropriate markers being met..but//if anything like mine--only if you present child before her. You are being judgy. you called children Middle class...thats not just judgy-its impossible. children are classless.certainly some are more or less refined than others..I agree in as much as pride -or endorsing a sense of it/presentation etc..appears to have gone tits up. pick on the parents(tho in my head middle class probli involves 2 working parents and some kinda childcare. anyhow..its the holidays.to be honest id wait til after the party to fling mine in bath...

Thank you snowflake - never seen them before but they look quite cool

There seems to be a middle class fashion at the moment for boys to have long hair. And to dress in a gender neutral way.

I've noticed at toddler groups and parties in lower socioeconomic areas, many children are dressed in a very gendered, traditional way: girls in pretty dresses, sparkly shoes, hair in plaits or bunches with bows, or those big floppy bows, babies with headbands and little frilly socks and pram shoes. Boys in blue, grey, camouflage, caps, hair short and neat (often shaved at the back/sides). Traditional prams in pink/blue with matching changing bags.

In the more affluent areas you see a lot of children who could be boys or girls, in unisex joggers/leggings with jumpers/fleeces, often colourful and mismatched. Shaggy shoulder length hair. Metallic Bobux boots or converse or barefoot style trainers. Or retro 80s style, velour dungarees and rainbow stripes!

Fennel

What the fuck is a swipey sequin?

Total disappointment you are ! Just outed yourself as MC

I agree.

My mum was poor urban working class, and like pp as Kids were were dressed up like bloody frilly loo roll holders (all siblings matching too) all spotless with shined shoes and ribbons in hair.

I’m rural middle class, my kids are always scruffy, we don’t do ironing or shoe polishing. I certainly never do much with hair, especially not those intricate plaits, all the girls hair is short ish. (Their choice, not mine )

You can definitely tell the w/c kids. cleaner, tidier and better matched than mine. With my mum it is definitely an element of proving yourself, she gets very stressed by our low sartorial standards.

I think I would probably slot my family into the MC bracket though its hard to know without a definition!!
Until recently both my lads (12 and 15) attended the local comp, which serves a really wide ranging community and is a great school. However we have chosen to move the youngest to a private school.
I was a little scared of him fitting in as we're not super wealthy but he loves it and says its great that no one cares what make your trainers, shoes coat etc are. This is a total turn around from the comp where the kids were very pressured to have certain makes and brands