To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

But why on earth should a child be 'smartly presented'? They're not going for a job interview! Let them wear hand-me-downs and get messy, fgs. There's nothing 'embarrassing' about a child wearing second-hand clothes

Because if someone is already anxious about being judged, they want to present an image that they're not a neglectful, feckless parent.

Scruffy, long haired kids is definitely a MC thing where I am - there's a real style to it - managing to look unkempt in a bohemian way, but not a poverty-stricken way.

The only time it is embarrassing is when the clothes don't fit, their only trousers are jogging bottoms too small with holes in the knees in the middle of winter. That is what I've meant and what I've dealt with.

I get that formerbabe but I was referring to the post that suggested it's 'embarrassing' to see children in hand-me-downs.

Definitely noticed this when my DC were small...the poshest mum at toddler group used to bring her DS still in his PJs and covered in weetabix, saying she hadn’t had time to wash/dress him as she had to sort the horses before she came 😂

Aha, so it's special training that makes people mix floral patterns with stripes?

The same is true of adults though too. Different 'tribes' are either very clean cut or scruffy. I'm not sure entirely that its class - I think its more accurate to call it lifestyle - but economics definitely do come into that. Particular brands appeal to different life styles and are deliberately marketed in that way too.

I'm not sure why anyone is surprised about that being reflected in kids.

Thats precisely what advertising is supposed to do.

You could probably look at what all these families do in their spare time and find particular patterns too.

The phrase ‘fur coat nae knickers’ springs to mind on this thread. It’s been happening for a long time.

“Because if someone is already anxious about being judged, they want to present an image that they're not a neglectful, feckless parent.”

And it’s not just anxiety about being judged. They will be judged. I, with my middle class privilege, can let my children go scruffy, with unbrushed hair and dressed from charity shops.

At a recent Christmas bazaar, the scruffiest woman present in the dirtiest anorak was the estate owner. I must add, the untidiest men I've known (personally untidy, not round-the house untidy) have been those who went to public school.

@CantstandmLMs why should kids be “smartly presented”? they are kids, not show dogs!

Why on earth are hand me downs embarrassing?! You'd rather perfectly functional clothes went to landfill??

We are "middle class" - my kids are clean and wear clean clothes but my son's hair is overgrown and scruffy; both kids (DD & DS) are in tracksuit bottoms when not in school, as I think that's the most comfy to play in. They may dress up for a party - but DS will still be dark tracksuit bottoms (swipe sequins is always a winner!).
The vast majority of their clothes are from supermarkets and hand-me-downs. All school uniform except one set are from second hand sales and there is a long queue of equally middle-class parents at these sales.

When at university, the very rich students (talking parents with lots of land, went to super posh boarding schools, parents may rub shoulders with the upper class) were the most scruffily dressed and you wouldn't be able to pick them out as posh until they started speaking.

Huge generalisation but mc generally prioritise money on activities and learning rather than clothes. Their priority isn’t buying the latest ‘things’ or spending time doing hair as a sign of status. It is perverse in mc eyes to spend money on designer clothes or expensive toys that are of little to no educational benefit.

Of course we judge on appearance consciously & unconsciously
We are all associating with our tribe and sending a message of who we are
Clothes are an easy way to signal many things,eg affluence,body image, music or street style

This is so interesting.

One mum’s child has matchy matchy wardrobe of gender specific proper clothing. Everything very new and perfect. Perfect hair. Always wore shoes before they could walk. Babygrows changed into proper clothes for the day.

Other mum - Scandi brands, well worn, bit scruffy and endless mud. Hard to tell pj’s from day clothes. Wore baby grows forever. No boy/girl clothes. Just ‘clothes’

Utterly fit into the stereotypes.

There’s always a roaring trade at the second hand shop at prep Schools. They don’t exist at state schools.

The royals are upper class.

Cross posted cantstand. There's a world of difference between that and expecting kids to be 'smartly presented' though.

My children have been in their pyjamas all day. What class does that make us????

“The phrase ‘fur coat nae knickers’ springs to mind on this thread.“

Well, it might. But it’s not really relevant to the topic!

I find this to be true. Income from a very working class background and we were immaculate as children, plus we were almost late for school every day as my mum had to get ‘dressed up’ with a full face of make up and perfect hair, which was to escape the stigma of being a single parent, which wasn’t as socially acceptable in the mid 80s.

I’m still working class, live payday to payday but I don’t care so much - my dc have clothes that they choose and can wear what they want, ds has hair halfway down his back (no nits though) and they look scruffy sometimes but we live in the middle of a forest so they’re outdoors all the time.

Lots of truth in what you say, OP. Also in what PPs are saying about general cleanliness/tidiness - I visit lots of people at home in my job and the WC ones are almost invariably very clean and tidy, unlike MC houses like mine.

But it's complicated - think of the Johnsons vs the Camerons, for example: both families undeniably upper MC, but the Johnsons are classic posh boho scruffs, whereas the Camerons are smart & polished in a rather uptight way.

That’s so funny about the hair, I took DS to the barber shop and his ‘after’ hair is longer than the other little boys ‘before’ hair.
Although he does wear jeans and has a sequin top so who knows what class he is?

I don’t know any dirty middle class children. All DSs little friends are usually dressed in leggings/supermarket tops etc but they are always clean and the girls always have neat hair (at nursery drop off etc anyway, they’re scruffy by mid afternoon)

The royals are upper class

Debatable.