Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

999 replies

Workingclass · 27/12/2018 19:02

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
sizzledrizz · 28/12/2018 00:15

But I feel constantly under scrutiny, children with ASD, which means I fight for things like respite and this means social services attention - if I'm lucky. But I still don't feel this "pressure". I have more important things to think about, my time is limited, and I get very little sleep. Ironing, making sure my children are impeccably turned out, hair brushed etc, with matching clothes, and outfits - not on the top of my list.
My house is scruffy, with books and toys everywhere, my furniture is 'lived in'.
I have the priorities of a parent with autistic children.
Once you have children with SEN, class (whatever) doesn't matter. We're all struggling

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/12/2018 00:16

So you know you’re aware you may be boxed in by class. But you don’t know definition of class
How do yiu know you have been boxed in then!

ARK99 · 28/12/2018 00:16

Poorer families often clean more / Hoover more regularly as the mothers are often at home more. Poor families always want to have the latest fashions and generally look smarter in my opinion. I think it's a pride thing.
My partner grew up living in the bushes in a wooden one room house in Barbados and they had nothing - no electricity, plumbing, new clothes or anything and he lies to look good now whereas I don't really give a monkeys ...

flossietoot · 28/12/2018 00:17

I tend to go by the traditional definition of degree educated with degree educated mother or father. Nothing to do with earnings.

scotmum1977 · 28/12/2018 00:18

@SantaClauseMightWork I'm with you. I don't feel I belong to any class - neither do I feel I want too. I certainly don't tick all the boxes of middle or working and don't want to be boxed off. It doesn't nor shouldn't matter.

Yerroblemom1923 · 28/12/2018 00:18

It has been said that They think they're being oh so "cool" and know they can get away with it, safe in the knowledge their "MC" status privides immunity from people confusing it with neglect....
Sadly, for many, it also stops health professionals from questioning their parenting etc

Yerroblemom1923 · 28/12/2018 00:18

*provides

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 28/12/2018 00:19

Spot on Yes, Yerroblemom1923

ARK99 · 28/12/2018 00:21

If you wear Burberry, fake Canada Goose or Ralph Lauren I think that says working class all over ...

BitOfFun · 28/12/2018 00:21

Scotmum, you can't just identify yourself out of the class statement though. It exists, it always has.

BitOfFun · 28/12/2018 00:21

Typo, sorry. "System", not "statement".

slappinthebass · 28/12/2018 00:22

There are plenty of smartly dressed coordinating middle class kids in natural traditional Jojo Maman Bebe and Boden etc

There are also parents who put an emphasis on ethical and comfortable fair trade kids clothes which tend to be extremely bright, gender neutral prints, and clashing them is definitely an element of the fashion. They often look like pyjamas, boys in leggings with long hair. Often these parents are middle class with hippie tendencies. Just as often they are working class.

SantaClauseMightWork · 28/12/2018 00:25

I am sure posters here have had experiences that have made them believe that health professionals deal differently under different situations. But I would quite like to hear this from the point of view of a health professional too. Can any health professional tell us what they think really? what their experience is really?

flossietoot · 28/12/2018 00:25

Clothing is only really an indicator. Not a reliable Way to establish social class.

scotmum1977 · 28/12/2018 00:26

@BitOfFun I've googled it and completed the bbc questionnaire to see what class I am. This is based on questions like what music I listen too and if I know any lorry drivers or solicitors or nurses. haha according to the results I am elitist - what a lot of rubbish!!

Tantrumschmantrum · 28/12/2018 00:28

This has made me smile as I'm always conscious that my kids are scruffy alongside other kids at parties. I wouldn't say I'm middle class BUT think I'll hide behind that the next time they look like raggamuffins GrinWink

flossietoot · 28/12/2018 00:29

Santclause- I am not a health professional, but I do know that anecdotally one of the countries top tier private schools has a lot more occasion to raise child protection concerns than you would expect and takes it very seriously. I would imagine for lower level child neglect the middle classes may go unnoticed for longer than say someone in a known deprived area, but for more serious issues I think professionals will be on the ball now.

jessstan2 · 28/12/2018 00:30

SantaClausMightWork has it spot on!

RedToothBrush · 28/12/2018 00:35

Different tribes. There's lots of different tribes.

I hate waitrose. It's overpriced and crap. I'm also not that keen on Tesco nor Sainsburys. I'd rather shop at Asda if I'm honest. Or Morrisons.

I must have a funny tribe.

Yerroblemom1923 · 28/12/2018 00:35

SantaClauseMightWork, I work in a healthcare capacity, and it's widely known that neglect is evident among all social classes....some people think their social status will protect them, some think they have to go the extra mile to "prove" they are good parents.

lazylumpylou · 28/12/2018 00:36

What I find interesting is people who are themselves immaculate but their kids are scruffy. My SIL is like this, she spends a fortune on expensive clothes and makeup for herself but her two children are never well dressed or have hair brushed. My DN's wardrobe consists exclusively of my DD old clothes. That's totally fine, and I'm happy they are getting another wear.
BUT..... why be so bothered about making yourself look good but your kids can look like wee scruffs?!

flossietoot · 28/12/2018 00:40

Lazy- is she middle class?? See posts above. Loads at my daughters private school like this- glam mums and scruffy kids as they know perfectly well kids aren’t neglected and are having lots of other positive experiences and money spent on them.

lazylumpylou · 28/12/2018 00:43

No Flossie definitely not! She's not overly educated (works in retail). I hate talking about this. Makes everyone sound dead snobby, doesn't it?

Yerroblemom1923 · 28/12/2018 00:44

Flossietoot, private schools and money being spent on children does not equal lack of neglect!

lazylumpylou · 28/12/2018 00:45

Sorry even me saying she works in retail I feel shit about as there absolutely nothing wrong with that!