To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

I do brush my kids' hair fwiw. Just not always just as they are about to leave the house. They get it properly combed through every evening in the shower without fail and sometimes I let them out of the house without it brushed. The world hasn't ended. Their life chances remain pretty much the same as far as I know.

I get that redtooth. But I still don't understand why it means people should spend more time on their appearance. Perhaps i am just tired and misunderstanding.

Hmm. My kids have messy hair (I brush it daily but three seconds later it looks like they've been dragged through a hedge), hand-me-down boden clothes with holes in, and filthy pop coats (I wash them but after child no.3 they stay pretty grubby regardless). But they also own a good selection of two-way swiping sequin tops and a selection of primark leggings with shiny hearts on them (mostly, my mum buys them and she's both foreign and also v. posh so gives not the tiniest shit about UK class rules). So where does that leave us? Actually I'm very pleased that I live in an area that is mostly pretty immune to the kind of very narrow class 'tribes' that you seem to get in other places. If I look at my yr 6 dds classmates, I do know who comes from which kind of background (obviously, as I've known them all for 7 years), but you certainly wouldn't be able to tell from looking at how they are all dressed.

Were not we're!!!

Haven't rtft but hoping the op now knows the difference between wary and weary?

No idea I don’t work in a corporate job. Perhaps another poster from corporate environment can offer an opinion on the impact of ironing upon career progression

DH works in a corporate environment. However since he is part of the IT Tribe, this has not proved to be a barrier.

Indeed he started off with non iron shirts, then helped to introduce a less formal dress code for IT bods which has been totally accepted by the rest of the corporate environment he works in - even for big important meetings - cos that's just how his tribe are expected to behave and that's the cultural stereotype...

... Social expectations and all that.

If he were doing a different job at exactly the same work place the expectation would be to be dressed properly.

I've not RTFT either but I'm assuming it was 20 pages of people defining their social class down to the smallest degree of pinkie curling as they drink their tea and getting offended that the OP had generalised about them, but then actually fitting the stereotype?

If you haven’t rtft don’t rock up with assumptions and inaccurate summations
Nowt about pinkies or tea
A lot about hair brushing

Middle class children never look over styled.
Nothing too trendy, more quality classic styles and a rugged lived in look.
I have relatives who dress their children in overly fashionable and frilly styles, it looks ghastly imo.
I like my children to be dressed in comfortable, quality clothes that they can run around in. Anything too fashionable in polyester etc looks horrible on children imo.

But I still don't understand why it means people should spend more time on their appearance.

Social expectations.

Does it matter if a child doesn't have their hair brushed on Tuesday?

Ultimately not really. But people do put a different value on that. And that's the point.

@stayathomer
@echt
@impossiblecat

No, I’m most definitely not a teacher, please don’t judge me as one! 😉

Appearances are important sometimes but not always. Where I work jeans and a nice jumper and a bit of make up is the norm due to the client group we work with- I would look totally ridiculous if I rocked up in corporate dress- even though I am responsible for more than 70 staff and significant budgets. I am still middle class. My kids regularly go to school without their hair brushed (although I am getting better), not because I am attempting to look middle class but because I am disorganised in the morning and I know what real neglect looks like!

I don't know about class but we earn twice what my sil andbil earn and I dress mine in hand me downs, Tesco, sainsbury, next, matalan. Usually joggers /leggings. My sil and bil dress their daughter in jojo, boden, frugi and some ridiculously priced shoe make. I don't get it. They are always broke. But I would say they are probably lower middle class. But sil is working class background. Thy grow so fast and trash clothes so quickly, it doesn't make sense to spend a lot of money on them

A friend of ours had to go back to work 6 weeks after having her first baby because she'd spent so much money on designer clothing for a baby who would grow out of it in a matter of weeks. I took an entire year off and dressed mine entirely in comfy babygros. Priorities people.

I find a lot of people try v hard to appear middle class even if they actually are MC, and the way they dress their children is just a part of this. It's an easy symbol - to have your kids' hair outgrown and for them to wear scruffier looking clothes - that says 'my kids are MC'

The point that's being made is that lots of MC people think they've above personal grooming, looking nice, making an effort, and discipline. It makes for a horrid environment for others - whether at school, on a train, or in an office!

Perhaps i’m deluded but I don’t think my lack of ironing or finger combing of hair makes me look unkempt & Ive certainly never worked with anyone like that. I just prefer a more relaxed, less groomed style.

"basically proving the op's point". I didn't read the OP as particularly judgmental. Just observational. And I think we will have to agree to disagree about what makes an environment unbearable.

What's wrong with babygrows?!

The world's gone barmy - kids can't wear baby grows but adults wear onesies and jumpsuits

I went back ft after 6mth,priorities people.my priority was getting back to work

Some working class people look up to celebs like Kim K etc and try to copy the way she dresses her kids. Kim and Co are not really middle class icons...

The judging and assum

Those who are saying they genuinely have no idea which class they belong to are likely middle class. Being working class you very much know about it because issues where the poorer are disadvantaged are spoken about within the family and neighbours.

Like when cuts are made that affect the poorer more than the wealthier, you'd beat at least one person be angry and talk about it.

I'm 38 and almost every adult I knew never shut about Thatcher and the miners for example, and from the language used I knew we were viewed lower than some of society.

This thread is marvellous. Started off with observations about how the middle class are secure enough in their status that they don't have to bother about appearance and then when they do pitch up they not only confirm that this is the case but also congratulate themselves on having the right values as evidenced by lack of smart clothes for children and not brushing their hair and how strange are those people not like us who care about such things with no conception at all as to why it's important to look smart if you're poor and why does anyone care about silly old class anyway. Self validation, wilful denial of privilege and empathy bypass together with a whiff of sanctimonious victimhood and 22 whole pages of it. Bravo, Mumsnet.

mc class folk say class is irrelevant,redundant etc.because they have privilege
Fumbling about saying you don’t know what class you are,you’re mc.definitely

If you’re wc you’ll know it as you’ll be affected by govt austerity,and cuts and economics

And if you genuinely think you’re above grooming because your too artsy,unfettered by rules,life’s too short & you’re too busy. you’re in fact simply massively conforming to your tribe rules.the rules of appearance doesn’t matter and rocking your nonconformity in a really conformist way.

Like any power dynamic, class only really makes a difference if you're on the down side of that power dynamic. Class, race, sex, etc.

Lipstick I'm not sure if that's aimed at me as I said I had no clue what class I am but I was definitely affected by austerity cuts (work for NHS) and in the city we live there was a massive downturn in the last couple of years where there were multiple job losses and whilst my DH did not lose his job his pay was almost halved.
Still unsure where that leaves us class wise? Probably not working class though but still couldn't say we're middle . Sorry that's very flaky sounding