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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

999 replies

Workingclass · 27/12/2018 19:02

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

OP posts:
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WanderingTrolley1 · 27/12/2018 22:16

I could be classed as MC, and yes, my children are mucky buggers.

noworklifebalance · 27/12/2018 22:16

Yep and what I like about it is that it opens my eyes to the judgements I have made and why some of the stereotypes occur.

It won't change how I "present" my kids because my priorities are clean, comfortable, they like it, I like it and it's not expensive - other's perception does not come into it for me.

Sewrainbow · 27/12/2018 22:17

girlflieshome my boys have had two way sequin tops from Primark and Sainsbury. They do Star Wars and Harry Potter ones. We don't care if they're cliched or not Wink

echt · 27/12/2018 22:18

Child is warm, dry, comfortable. What the hell else matters

On the micro-level, this thread show exactly why it matters. On wider scale, no matter what your individual wishes are, the fact of class-based perceptions exists.

noworklifebalance · 27/12/2018 22:20

My DS has the Star Wars one and my DD has a couple of sequin tops - all the rage in their very MC school (where we are probably at the lower end of the salary scale).

Childrenofthesun · 27/12/2018 22:21

I'm a teacher. I once read that teachers are middle-class in outlook but not in income!

RedToothBrush · 27/12/2018 22:21

But by dressing them in those clothes, they are defining them by their choices.

Precisely.

I knew damn well when I gave my son an unusual name what I was doing. It wasn't being 'different'. It was setting him up for a certain set of social expectations throughout his life. I knew it was still 'on trend' even if there aren't 100s of them running around. But I know plenty of others who gave their kids 'unusual names' because they wanted to make the point that they were somehow different. And really, no they are all still conforming, just unwittingly.

How many 8 year old Nigels or Keiths are there? Nope but you'll find a whole forest of Bears and Foxes in some parts of the country!

I don't think you can really escape it. You are a product of your experience one way or another. Might as well just be honest about it.

Neverunderfed · 27/12/2018 22:22

Class is inherent, I don't really know anyone who is genuinely unaware of it.

canigetaliein · 27/12/2018 22:22

I would never shop for clothes in JoJo or Boden for my DC, just not my taste at all.

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 22:23

Teachers still earn more than the average UK wage. Maybe not when newly qualified but I don’t know any on less than 30k and I know a few!

OhTheRoses · 27/12/2018 22:23

I bought ds some 2nd hand shorts at the nct sale when he was 2/3. When they warmed up a bit the faint whiff of pee became clear. Never bought the dc 2nd hand again. Same here - why wpuld I want to wear a blouse/frock that had been round someone else's armpits?

Even a generation ago I could buy ds shorts and t shirts from Primark/Asda for oeanuts. Loved the summer when dd was 3 and Asda had a pretty jersey interlock dress in about 6 colours. They were £3.99 each and fab - dd had one in every colour except the orange one. Think she had their white sandals that summer too.

Good friends circulated hand me downs.

UserName31456789 · 27/12/2018 22:24

I can't help how other people judge my kids but I can quite happily ignore them. As long as the kid is dry, not too warm, not too cold, can comfortably run around and is happy enough I'm happy enough

impossiblecat · 27/12/2018 22:24

It does not show that, at all.

It shows that there are some terrifyingly, narrow minded bigots. People who genuinely think I'm lazy for not putting my child in a nice outfit and brushing his hair...

It hasn't occurred to them that I might be spending my time and energy on other stuff.

echt · 27/12/2018 22:24

I'm a teacher. I once read that teachers are middle-class in outlook but not in income!.

Same here and I agree.:o

When applying for a credit card at an Australian bank, I saw that teaching is not considered a profession by the ANZ, i.e. not to be ranked the same as an accountant.

Neverunderfed · 27/12/2018 22:25

Earnings don't dictate class. Traditionally teachers were classed as professionals which places them as middle/upper middle. But of course with increased social mobility you will get what would have been seen as 'working class' becoming teachers, doctors etc then the whole thing gets messy 😂

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 22:26

It may not be seen as the same as a chartered accountant but it is definitely middle class, unlike say a roofer or plasterer.

hamstersaremyfriends · 27/12/2018 22:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

canigetaliein · 27/12/2018 22:28

I always get told i’m lying when I say this but I have 2 friends who are teachers in inner london secondary schools, both on the UPS & with a TRL thing & they earn 60k plus.

Beautyandthe · 27/12/2018 22:28

I would be regarded as very middle class. And yes, my child looks scruffy!
DD is 4yo. I allow her to choose her own clothes in the morning & dress herself as much as she's able to. I like her to feel she has control over what she wears, within reason! I would not dress her up particularly for a children's bday party.
She brushes her own hair and I sometimes put it in a ponytail. I agree that this looks a mess the majority of the time! She had a bath every evening before bed.

I am not worried about being judged on how my child looks or concerned about her being thought of as a 'poor kid'.

This is the first time really I have considered how her appearance might seem to others! But I don't want her to feel bogged down with looking neat and smart. Creative and comfy all the way!

impossiblecat · 27/12/2018 22:29

This morning? Pretending to be dinosaurs.

impossiblecat · 27/12/2018 22:30

@hamstersaremyfriends BTW

longestlurkerever · 27/12/2018 22:31

But redtooth, echt, i am afraid I still don't get it. Are you saying that middle class parents should be spending more time on their kids' appearance so that they can "pass" as more class neutral? Or for some other reason? My kids are MC and I probably have one foot either side of the upper/lower mc divide. In not trying to hide that particularly. But my kids aren't artfully boho. I just don't spend very much energy on their appearance. I tend to let them pick whatever they like from charity shops and stock up on supermarket leggings and multipack tops now and again. I suppose I would spend more energy on it if I could foresee negative consequences of failing to dress them better but I can't really. In not denying the privilege of that but I still don't understand how their lives would be improved if I spent ages on their hair etc.

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 22:31

CanIget- yes, I have heard this too. Especially teachers in these free schools. I have a friend who is a head in one.

gluteustothemaximus · 27/12/2018 22:32

I actually think this is true.

At DS1's school, generally all the MC kids had longer hair, unbrushed, scruffy unwashed mismatched clothes.

This does actually continue through into Waitrose and the adults that shop there (here anyway) have messy/long hair, and mismatched brightly coloured clothes.

Somehow they get away with the 'quirky' look, but anyone else would look unkempt/messy/lazy.

No judgements here at all, just you notice these things. And by noticing these things, I'm not judging.

madmomma · 27/12/2018 22:32

Yep this is definitely a thing. Less or nothing to prove, more self-assured. Less need to fit in.