To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

Some of these posts are deliberately goady I think.

As long as the kids are loved and happy what does it matter how they are dressed?

Being a kid should be about learning to be comfortable in your own skin, having adventures, experimenting with the world around you.

A friend of mine always dressed her son in designer clothes but then he wasn't allowed to play and have fun in the garden. My son always ended up naked playing with mud and I know they did judge me for it but to be honest I know which child I would have preferred to have been.

I agree it’s manners stressedtiredbuthappy but it does suprise me. I was in Planet Organic a few weeks ago & a dad was obviously a fan of self weaning or whatever it’s called. Rather than finger foods it was cous cous, so about £25’s worth ended up on the floor & he made no attempt to clean it up. I think some mc people are very entitled.

I’m embarrassed to say, I don’t think we know any “working class” children because of the part of London we’re in and the schools, but I’m not 100% sure because I’m Spanish! Everyone works, nobody is unemployed, but can you be working class if you pay for prep schools? Probably not? I don’t think any of the DC look scruffy or dirty at my kids school or at parties. What you don’t get though is kids with OTT hairstyles like those “jo jo” bows, or girls wearing crop tops or slogan tops. Nor do you see tracksuits or top-to-toe branded sportswear. Trainers are not a big deal and nobody cares. Designer clothing is too “try hard,” but you do get a lot of brands like “Wild and gorgeous” or Catimini etc on younger girls at parties. People do shop for the odd thing in H&M etc, but they mix it up with things that last a bit longer. Some people are a bit more “boho” and let their kids wander round like fairies or whatever in the street, but not many. Nobody is actually “dirty” because where is the mud? I think that’s a more rural v city look. No bushes to fall into in London really! My boys have always had short hair because I don’t like long hair on boys. I do make sure the girls brush their hair, but I’ve never bothered about styles particularly. Once they get to 12 they only want to shop in Brandy Melville (girls - plain, boring stuff) or Urban Outfitters or Diesel (boys). Some of the stuff is a bit frightening in UO, like an 80s nightmare, but what can you do?

@noworklifebalance

You're middle class but need to focus your energy on getting some more expensive furniture whilst also making your home look more scruffy than immaculate. It's a delicate balancing act.

I am from a very WC back ground but am probably quite MC by income, education etc. Which manifests itself as me not giving a shit that the pram is splashed in mud, but the children's vests are gleaming white under their (muddy) Polarn coats - my mother takes great comfort in the whiteness of my DC's whites in the face of my no-makeup-and-mud lifestyle

“As long as the kids are loved and happy what does it matter how they are dressed?”
I agree with you. But unfortunately, that’s not the experience of many disadvantaged families who are judged by much harsher standards than more privileged ones.

I love that people have piled in to say how grubby their children are!

If someone posted a thread to say ‘have you noticed that all middle class children wear balaclavas’ you would get posters competing on how much face is visible under their darlings little balaclava.

My children go from beauty and to beast depending on the day, time, place. They don’t care what class we are and neither do I.

I'm from a middle class background, as was ex. I am not MC now, I don't think. I live in a HA house, although went to uni as far as Ph.d. My kids are scruffy. They just seem end up that way. BUT they do wear a lot of hand-me-downs, and prefer to wear clothes they can run around in and are comfortable. Especially at parties. My dd will eschew the usual party dress attire and will often wear leggings/jeans/top etc. with trainers.

Yep and yet they've never really thought about what class they might be.

"Play clothes" ime are a thing better off families have.
I disagree with this. Better off families don't mind if any clothes get ripped or dirty/stained. The nonchalance is a signal that the cost of replacements doesn't matter and also that they can afford to focus on more important things.

Definitely a thing even in MC areas of the US. It was quite noticeable in my DCs' elementary school which was private so drew from suburbs other than the one it is situated in, and included quite a mix of ethnic and income backgrounds.

Some parents were not at all dismayed by the sight of paint or food all over their DCs' uniforms at 3 o'clock and some were far more given to comment.

On days when DCs were expected to dress up a bit (such as the Christmas carol service with all the children participating in Christmas clothes) the MC/UC kids were wearing far less dressy-uppey/formal/uncomfortable/shiny clothing.

The baby sisters of the lower income families always sported baby headbands.

I'm from a middle class background, as was ex. I am not MC now, I don't think. I live in a HA house, although went to uni as far as Ph.d. My kids are scruffy. They just seem end up that way. BUT they do wear a lot of hand-me-downs, and prefer to wear clothes they can run around in and are comfortable. Especially at parties. My dd will eschew the usual party dress attire and will often wear leggings/jeans/top etc. with trainers. None of this means you aren't MC.

"Middle class' parents dress their children scruffy as a way of saying, 'my child is so funny, gorgeous, intelligent, adventurous and artistic that they don't need clothes to define them." It's kind of an inverse snobbery thing.

I knew a woman who developed the first chains of charity shops in the UK. She said it was middle class people who bought second hand clothes for their children whether at jumble sales or charity shops and who shared hand me downs. Her observation was that working class kids were often in brand new and smarter clothes.

The aristos I've known (the really, really posh ones) are notably thread bare, good quality clothes but not often new and their houses often pretty old fashioned. The Alan Clark insult about Heseltine was that they had to buy all their own furniture - a truly posh family has quality antique furniture!

Some of this relates to how you spend your money and what you think is important.

Of course these generalisations can be offensive, inaccurate or just plain wrong. I know for a fact I was born into a middle class family that was strapped for cash and as the youngest of a large family was often in hand me downs. So all my life I've been hugely keen on new clothes for me and my children. But, as I've worked full time all of their lives they don't tend to be well ironed.... And I dont spend every day cleaning. Each to their own.

noworklifebalance you are definitely middle class.

FWIW, I would not dream of sending DS to a party in scruffy clothes unless the party was a type that was more practical. In which case I'd just dress him in the most practical for the occasion. Otherwise he'd go in a nice shirt cos, well it's about taking the opportunity to where something nice for a celebration. It's just what I'd deem most 'appropriate' . But even that reflects a certain mindset that not everyone shares. Nothing right or wrong about it as such, just how you view life.

Middle class' parents dress their children scruffy as a way of saying, 'my child is so funny, gorgeous, intelligent, adventurous and artistic that they don't need clothes to define them." It's kind of an inverse snobbery thing

But by dressing them in those clothes, they are defining them by their choices.

Make the most of having any sort of control my tweens are extremely clear about what they will and won’t wear my social class is not a consideration

My post made no sense.

You're middle class but need to focus your energy on getting some more expensive furniture whilst also making your home look more scruffy than immaculate. It's a delicate balancing act.

Top tip @formerbabe - but if I did that, then my relatively impoverished childhood immigrant background (although still MC by professional standards and definitely so in our home country) would take over and I would end up screaming at the kids for daring to put their feet on the sofa or doing crafts on the dining table.

Sizzledrizz why do you think that because you are now less well off, you have not been socialised as middle class?

I've noticed this. They have less to prove!

Classic MN thread full of posters desperately signalling credentials

What does that mean echt? I get that there's a lot of unfair judgment heaped on working class parents who might dress their children scruffily, but there are a lot of posts on here that suggest that not caring about clothes is inherently a bad thing for the DC involved, and I still haven't worked out why. I can see the middle class privilege argument totally, but the idea that people who do have the middle class privilege not to worry about it ought nevertheless to worry about it seems odd to me.

Sorry echt, crossed posts!

I agree with your last comment WorkingClass that if you're a bit more concerned about being 'judged' (for want of a better word) that you make a bit more of an effort.

Honestly I don't think it's just a class thing. Human nature I think to care more about showing that things are ok when you think others might assume otherwise. We've been going through SEN diagnosis for my DC recently and I've (subconsciously) really stepped up on the haircut / shoe polishing! He's actually looking pretty dapper now.

On that note, I'd definitely polish DCs shoes like crazy if I were Kate Middleton (or at least ask the Butler too). Not that it means there's anything wrong, just that you know everyone is looking for the cracks.

Just my two cents .

I can't see why either.

Child is warm, dry, comfortable. What the hell else matters?