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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

999 replies

Workingclass · 27/12/2018 19:02

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
stressedtiredbuthappy · 27/12/2018 21:48

And the point of a great education if you're skint is...????

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 21:48

You have a good education. Life isn’t all about money.

longestlurkerever · 27/12/2018 21:48

There's a lot of sneering on this thread. I still don't see why neglecting a child's appearance is anything approaching actual neglect. It just doesn't matter, surely? Even dirt - my kids are bathed every night and have clean clothes each morning but they get grubby in the day and I don't immediately whip their clothes off them. I just don't get why it's important.

echt · 27/12/2018 21:49

I know plenty of people educated to high heaven and they don't have a pot to piss in. Agreed but I'm not sure class is about money tbh.

My mother hasn't got a penny to her name but she is firmly middle class

Spot on, and the reverse is true, too. In Australia the phenomenon is called "cashed-up bogans". For a nominally classless society, the class markers are plain.

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 21:49

Education isn’t just about getting a well paid job at the end of it.

silkpyjamasallday · 27/12/2018 21:49

I always find it funny on these threads that people seem to think telling people they don't allow character clothes/sequins/jeans will make others think they are terribly middle class, when in fact all it does is out them as trying to signal to the 'tribe' they aspire to be in that they conform to the 'correct' class markers. I live in a part of London full of the sort of parents OP describes, and although they appear MC at first, most of them are in fact WC with education and money, along with a whole lot of insecurity and pretentions. It's sad that they feel ashamed of their backgrounds, and even sadder that they must keep tabs on all this stuff to fit in with the group they've idealised, and those people know they are social climbers and will avoid them.

The posh people I know just don't give a shit about any of this stuff, it wouldn't cross their minds to refuse to buy a paw patrol top their toddler took a shine to in the supermarket, because they don't care about looking middle class to others, they are secure in their privilege and will have their schooling, family home, niche hobbies, friends in high places that signify their place in the world far more than a cartoon tshirt ever will.

IamTheMeg · 27/12/2018 21:49

And the point of a great education if you're skint is...????

A question only the middle classes can answer Hmm

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2018 21:49

You're kidding?! I see the opposite - people desperate to establish their grubby child credentials

MaisyPops · 27/12/2018 21:50

Beautifully put RedToothBrush

impossiblecat everyone will make judgements. To judge doesn't mean to look down on.

Anyone who claims they don't have time to make judgements is lying. Making judgements based on previous experiences and other social cues etc is the quicker way of processing and categorizing information. It's not a perfect method, but everyone will do it.
MissWilmottsGhost
I'd not heard of Boden or hush until joining mumsnet and still think hush is awful.Blush
Mumsnet has taught me that whilst I'd say I've worked from working class to what I would say is lower middle class, I'm nowhere near proper middle class. For a start, Ocado don't deliver to my area. Xmas Grin

Soosiesoo · 27/12/2018 21:50

No idea what 'class' we are but I definitely grew up WC (dh probably more mc).

We live in the south. When visiting my immediate family in a very wc area of the NW, now I think about it, women definitely dress up more and look lovely and little girls nearly always well turned out in dresses and smart shoes for parties. Lads usually in designer tracksuits. Where we are, it's definitely more relaxed and my children are usually in leggings and tops/tunics for comfort. Clean faces a must. Hair I'm not arsed about (except for school ... DD usually has a ponytail .... or, if she is adamant, a side pony Shock).

So although it's a sweeping generalisation, I totally get it!

SoyDora · 27/12/2018 21:50

My education has more value to me than the income it generates!

canigetaliein · 27/12/2018 21:51

Agree with the discipline or lack of. I grew up & live in a naice part of SW London & can’t stand when Tarquin is setting a waitress on fire or Emilia is joyriding but the parents don’t even notice. Maybe because my parents are immigrants but I had to always behave in public & I expect the same from my DC.

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 21:51

Silkpyjamas- totally agree with everything you have said.

stayathomer · 27/12/2018 21:51

MrsJudgiePants Did I get this wrong or did you say you're a teacher? How can you be a teacher and teach children to be nice/ good if you're that judgemental and mean about both kids and parents?

longestlurkerever · 27/12/2018 21:55

They don't necessarily wear Boden etc either. They have some bought as gifts but mostly it's supermarket stuff and charity shops, but there are plenty of cartoon characters in there - whatever makes them fall really. My dd2 lives in her charity shop Peppa wellies. Someone up thread says that's neglectful but the joy she gets from them is more important to me than what some person on the internet thinks.

echt · 27/12/2018 21:55

MrsJudgiePants Did I get this wrong or did you say you're a teacher? How can you be a teacher and teach children to be nice/ good if you're that judgemental and mean about both kids and parents

Because she thinks one thing and does another. It's the job, along with putting your game face on every day.

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2018 21:55

And sexism

impossiblecat · 27/12/2018 21:55

@MrsJudgiePants

If you hated those families so much, why didn't you go and teach somewhere else?

stressedtiredbuthappy · 27/12/2018 21:55

Canigetaliein nothing to do with your parents being immigrants, I am all about my child being well behaved while we're out, and my parents the same with me, it's plain old fashioned manners.

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2018 21:55

Though I don't think she actually says she's a teacher

noworklifebalance · 27/12/2018 21:56

Now I m totally confused

  • we have two old bog standard cars
  • we are educated professionals
  • our parents were educated professionals
  • we earn a very good income
  • we have one tv (42") and it's >10years old
  • my son has scruffy hair
  • DC's are clean but wear supermarket clothes, second-hand uniform and hand me downs (they are primary school age)
  • we don't shower them with gifts
  • they don't have their own iPads or gadgets
  • we dress smartly - my husband looks well put together, I don't
  • I don't own Hunter wellies even though I can afford them
  • our downstairs is immaculate when expecting guests
  • our house is furnished with cheap but nice looking, well put together things (IMO)

What class am I?

ShastaBeast · 27/12/2018 21:57

I’m totally working class but now considered middle class, DH very MC. Kids are definitely on the scruffy side but that’s more about being busy/no time due to work or energy to argue/hold them down to brush their hair more/severe bad back. However the kids can choose their clothes so plenty of characters and sequins even if I’d never pick them. Letting them dress themselves is probably a big part of this “look”.

When DC1 was tiny I spoke to a head teacher who claimed the kids who were dirtiest-unwashed with dirty clothes, unbrushed hair etc were from the well off professional families.

I suspect this is a recent thing. My mum (WC) cares more about appearance but came from a poor family who would’ve rarely had new clothes and no bathroom in her early childhood. Plus seven kids to keep my nana very busy.

ScottCheggJnr · 27/12/2018 21:58

I'm from a decidely MC background (parents recently sold house for over £1m - not boasting, just for context) but I really despise snobbery.

I managed to escape my hated corporate job after 15 years for an equally lucrative but decidedly blue collar industry (truck driving lol) which was possibly the most liberating decision of my life. Then settled into a halfway house role of a decent office job in a logistics firm (very non-corporate environment).

I often wish I'd stuck at the driving and gone into heavy haulage/car transporters etc. I know it used to annoy some of my friends who still work in sales and marketing that I earnt as much as them driving a truck and listening to tunes all day, so can only imagine how they'd have reacted if I'd got into the £60k+ bracket which experienced car transporter guys can make! I did always rub it in by saying I knew guys who earnt more than them without taking a beanie off their head/fag out of their mouth all day. Some really seemed to be irked by it. Grin

impossiblecat · 27/12/2018 21:58

Middle.

ScottCheggJnr · 27/12/2018 21:58

Sorry, bit off topic but got me thinking about class perceptions etc...