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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

999 replies

Workingclass · 27/12/2018 19:02

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

OP posts:
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ScottCheggJnr · 27/12/2018 21:38

Cars are bought outright at a couple of years old then run into the ground leasing is for those who can’t afford to buy a car.

Not sure I agree with this.

I used to buy but now I just PCP or lease and find it much better. I don't want to keep a car for more than three years and prefer to avoid the hassle of selling and just hand it back instead.

I've done this several times now. Last three cars have either been new or had

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 21:38

Tam- teachers are middle class- you need a degree to be one. It is a profession. Definitely not working class.

SoupDragon · 27/12/2018 21:39

If someone said, working class kids always look like they need a bath people would (rightly) get a bit fucked off.

This.

Imagine the shit storm that would have ensued had this, or similar, been about "working class" children.

ToeToToe · 27/12/2018 21:39

The English MC will spot a dropped consonant long before they worry about mid-matched clothes.

Very, very true IME Grin

BanginChoons · 27/12/2018 21:39

Children generally have play clothes that they can tear or get dirty with no problem. It's nothing to do with 'class'.

I disagree. "Play clothes" ime are a thing better off families have.

littlegecko · 27/12/2018 21:40

I was thinking this too OP and have definitely noticed that the more middle class children I have encountered are more scruffy.
My child attended a birthday party recently and the most middle class child turned up in a bobbly multicoloured fleece top, way too short jogging bottoms and a pair of very scuffed school type shoes. Most of the other boys looked immaculate with smart hair and clean, fashionable clothing - the boy in question really stood out.
I felt bad for judging in this way, but it got me thinking about various other middle class children I knew and they generally seem to be pretty badly dressed and unkempt.

SoupDragon · 27/12/2018 21:40

This is purely a goady thread.

stressedtiredbuthappy · 27/12/2018 21:40

Flossie absolutely no way are you considered middle class just by having a degree.
I know plenty of people educated to high heaven and they don't have a pot to piss in.

impossiblecat · 27/12/2018 21:40

Are paper hats from Christmas crackers acceptable at the dinner table?

Did we commit a sin against good taste the other day? Are you my MIL?

MrsJudgiePants · 27/12/2018 21:41

Having met hundreds of kids and parents in many schools all in different areas and from varying backgrounds through my job by far the worst bunch I ever meet are the middle class rural village mothers with their scruffy kids. Scruffy hair, grubby faces, mismatched clothes, stripey tights and pretentious names. With my judgie wudgie pants on I despair at how dim these seemingly well off mothers come across and the only conclusion I can come to about the kids’ scruffiness is pure laziness on the mothers’ part. The reason I come to this conclusion is the unbelievably arrogant lack of manners and discipline from the kids too. Some pp’s are right, the MC mums don’t seem to think they have anything to prove so they just don’t bother. With anything. But I’m sure they’re ‘free parenting’ and ‘making memories’ and all that shit, so it’s all ok.

SoyDora · 27/12/2018 21:41

FestiveNut - Teacher isn't MC, maybe Head, but not Teacher.
Teacher WC, possibly upper WC

My MIL was a teacher and very definitely middle class. Does it make a difference that she taught at private school and her DH was a private school Head?

canigetaliein · 27/12/2018 21:41

Small tv work out to often be as expensive as big tvs now, thats why!

Yes! When my old bedroom one died John Lewis wanted £350+ for a small one. I was shocked and bought one on eBay instead. Still cost more than I imagined.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 27/12/2018 21:41

@yesyouareyouare I think that's where I am too in this debate.

There's a kid in my dd2 class that looks like a show pony at all times. Her mum does this plait thing which I'm sure has to be done from upside down to be achieved. Kind of what you might have for a wedding or something. Not for school. Don't get me wrong kid looks lovely but I wonder with that mum what that's all about and maybe she could relax a bit. The mum is very nice.

That said I have daily tussles with dd1 about not going to school looking scruffy. Because I won't allow it.

noworklifebalance · 27/12/2018 21:42

I think in the past big TVs were seen as a working class thing- but now most people regardless of background have them!

but the richer and/or posher owners are the only people with a room big enough for them.
Footballers are famous for their humoungous tvs, but I wouldn't call them upper class

Yes! I think this is it - it was (?is considered) a status symbol for some.

Small tv work out to often be as expensive as big tvs now, thats why!

I meant the big tv in every room possible. That's just differences spending preferences - god know what they think of us!

abacucat · 27/12/2018 21:43

Am amazed that someone would see teachers as working class. When I was growing up teachers and Drs were the poshest people I knew.

MissRhubarb · 27/12/2018 21:44

Pieceofpurplesky
I wonder if they want to appear as if they are laid back and cool to cover the desire to excel?

Nope. I'm middle class. I just genuinely don't put the appearance or labels of clothes anywhere on my list of what I think is important. For my kids comfort is important, and I'm in Glasgow so definitely waterproof!

Middle class kids always look like they need a bath to me.

Please don't get close enough to sniff me you vile chav! I'm kidding, but isn't that a vile thing to say too so how about we don't do that. My kids are clean, I just don't stress about them getting dirty through play because it doesn't matter.

hamstersaremyfriends · 27/12/2018 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissWilmottsGhost · 27/12/2018 21:44

But other middle class parents (probably the types who would be appalled at other parents dressing their children in brands) will do the whole curated middle class look, all carefully selected from the right ranges at jojo maman bebe, joules, Boden etc. To those in the know they are class marked because others who do the same thing can bond over how much they also love the unisex leggings with elephants on, but they paired it with the dotty top rather than the stripey one

Maybe you're right Maisy I have never met these Boden types, I have only read about them on MN Grin

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 21:44

Stressed- class isn’t remotely about how much money you have! It is traditionally your level of education. To be truely middle class historically you needed to have educated parents. The lines have blurred but the snobbery around this is still there- a lot think they are middle class but the ‘traditional’ middle class professionals don’t see them that way.

nomorearsingmermaids · 27/12/2018 21:45

I know plenty of people educated to high heaven and they don't have a pot to piss in.

Agreed but I'm not sure class is about money tbh. My mother hasn't got a penny to her name but she is firmly middle class.

ThatPeskyElf · 27/12/2018 21:45

I know exactly what you mean.... when my dd was a baby, she was immaculate when we went to toddler gps, wore pretty dresses, always had neat (but crazy curly) hair while my wealthier friends kids wore baby grows till they were beyond 1 -I hateeeeee baby grows- and generally looked a dishevelled mess! I think being a very young and then later a single parent, I always felt judged so just put more effort in.

StealthPolarBear · 27/12/2018 21:45

It's amazing how most posters know what class everyone else is (usually aristocracy with lots of land) but have never given a second thought to what class they themselves might be until this thread, where they're forced to guess they might be middle class.

Thewifipasswordis · 27/12/2018 21:45

@stressedtiredbuthappy you can be middle class and poor as muck and be as educated as you like but still be working class. It's also about where you've come from and how you were raised. Fuck all to do with you current annual earnings.

Didyeeaye · 27/12/2018 21:46

I know what you mean in the sense that middle class kids seem to be more 'organic' almost. Long messy hair and plan clothes (that no doubt cost a fortune) working class parents pay a lot of attention on their kids appearances and often get in to debt buying them branded clothes. I think children are more a reflection of the parents and possibly their greatest achievement rather than a successful company etc. I admit i ensure my DS is pristine as I work in social work so people tend to scrutinise more lol at the end of the day what matters most is their clothes fit comfortably and are clean x

flossietoot · 27/12/2018 21:46

It’s like someone said above about the sloppy vowels.