To wonder if middle class children appear more ‘scruffy’

[Workingclass]

Went to a Childs party today for an old school friends DD (they are incredibly middle class) and her group of mum friends (who are equally as middle class)

I admit I don’t usually socialise in many middle class circles but I couldn’t help but notice that all of the children looked... scruffy, for want of a better word.

None of them had brushed their hair, they were all in mismatched clothes with muck on their faces. Didn’t look bathed..

I feel awful saying it, but I notice this also with the MC children at the DC school, has anyone else noticed it? I’m just curious as to why this seems to be a thing? Does my dds plaits and dresses ‘out’ her as having a working class family?

Is it more of a privilege thing? We don’t have much money so am weary of being judged as lazy by not doing her hair, I also make an effort to dress her nicely so she doesn’t look like ‘the poor kid’ is it that if your middle class you don’t have that fear?

Absolutely happy to be told IABU and judgemental but I am genuinely curious on the subject.

My wealthiest most middle class friend lives in jeans and jumpers/t-shirts. The only time I’ve seen her in a dress is at speech day and she celebrated when her 12 year old car passed its MOT last year. Cars are bought outright at a couple of years old then run into the ground leasing is for those who can’t afford to buy a car. Although leasing through your own company is ok since it’s tax efficient.
Immaculate houses are definitely not a middle class thing. Most are full of dogs/cats/children and even with the help of a cleaner they just don’t stay tidy for long.
I may have to name change, don’t want to be black balled for giving away too many MC secrets. Just to add I started off as inner city MC but have had to learn a whole new set of MC rules in the country. Choosing the correct brand of wellies is very important and letting the local farmer wear them for six months before you start using them will ensure country street cred. And off course letting your dog sleep on your Barbour jacket is a must.

I think the OP is correct. I am working class and as children we were immaculate - my mum would never have shopped in a charity shop. My very middle class boss and his wife however shop in charity shops all the time - they have nothing to prove - big house, nice car. That's the difference.

They do make judgements, but it's what you make judgements on that matters.

If you judge someone for beating their kids, fair enough. Judge them for scruff clothes, you're an arse.

I categorically don't judge people who's children are beautifully dressed. I wonder how the hell they do it!

There's a lot of silly judging on here.

If we are honest, we all do it. Everyone of us. Including you in your own post.

I wish we didn't.

But everyone is trying to figure out how we fit in with others and take appearance and stereotypes as our initial social cues. Its limiting and takes effort - that we often don't make - to get past that.

I find it depressing, but I'm not going to say I don't do it, because I'm very much away that I'm terribly guilty of it myself and I don't believe that other people are any better at avoiding those mistakes in practice.

Well, I am mc and my logic is that my child's nursery has to be very good, so I spend a lot of money on that. I also spend money on nice experiences and treats and trips for her. When all that's done, I am fairly indifferent if she is wearing trackies and a football strip with unbrushed hair. It just wouldn't be a high up priority for me. She is very happy, so I don't think the clothes matter.

And, I actually know a Lord who dresses in Asda jeans and trainers!

As other posters have mentioned, I think it's the hippy-ish moppy hair and jumpers thing which seems almost absent from the working classes - kids called Archie and Quentin etc.

And charity shop hipsterism.

Television, the number, the size, how frequently they are upgraded etc says something about an individual and it's nothing to do with class or wealth. In a similar way, I think, to cars in the mid-luxury bracket.

What does it say? I have the huge faux pas of a (small) telly in the bedroom but I drive a 2nd hand Volvo xc90. My mum had a telly in her bedroom & used to drive the classic Volvo estate. I’ve just turned into her!

Oh, I mean more a minimum 42" tv in every room, such as my lovely lawyer friends or another friend who is stinking rich (think >£100million family money).
I don't what it say (probably nothing) - can't quite put my finger on it. May be best ignore my post(!)

Doesn't the Popper paradox state that in order to be truly tolerant we must be intolerant of intolerance? That's what I'm doing here.

Acknowledging a stereotype is not the same as judging someone negatively though.

I hate mumsnet for this, I’ve been blissfully unaware of the concept f class really until coming on here :( now whenever I read something like this I get self conscious. I like DD to look clean, does that mean I’m actually lazy? DS wears cute but soft clothes and his hair is growing out because I like it, does that make me look like I’m trying to be middle class?

I think in the past big TVs were seen as a working class thing- but now most people regardless of background have them!

I categorically don't judge people who's children are beautifully dressed. I wonder how the hell they do it!

So you judge them as being impressively organised and think this is something to be congratulated on as an achievement!

I never ever think in terms of class, it's something my snobby mother and her generation would do.

Silverdoe- it will only make you look like you are trying to be middle class if you aren’t? If you are no one will think anything.

This thread is very weird. We are middle class. My DC sometimes look scruffy, sometimes well turned out. Generally they look scruffy when they have chosen their own outfits and I'm too busy to care what they are wearing. It is definitely not a conscious decision. Most of our clothes are hand me downs or bought second hand from eBay. They are of similar brands but usually for quality.
At my DC school there is a mix of socioeconomic groups and I really don't think you could differentiate based on their appearance.

I think in the past big TVs were seen as a working class thing- but now most people regardless of background have them!

but the richer and/or posher owners are the only people with a room big enough for them.
Footballers are famous for their humoungous tvs, but I wouldn't call them upper class

FestiveNut - Teacher isn't MC, maybe Head, but not Teacher.
Teacher WC, possibly upper WC.

@silverdoe you have generally been unaware of class your entire life?

Also just dress them how 'you' like or the kids like. Fuck everyone else. Though that is a distinctly middle class attitude actually so 🤷🏼‍♀️😂 maybe not.

I think in the past big TVs were seen as a working class thing- but now most people regardless of background have them!

Small tv work out to often be as expensive as big tvs now, thats why!

don’t worry I’m not offended 😁. I think we have a 42” in the sitting room & 32” in the kitchen. I know I should be playing bridge in the evenings but I like the company of a telly.

I hate mumsnet for this, I’ve been blissfully unaware of the concept f class really until coming on here sad now whenever I read something like this I get self conscious. I like DD to look clean, does that mean I’m actually lazy? DS wears cute but soft clothes and his hair is growing out because I like it, does that make me look like I’m trying to be middle class?

I just wouldn't worry about it - no idea what people think of how my kids are turned out. I KNOW they are clean, that their clothes were clean when they put them on and they are comfortable - I couldn't care less about the rest. As soon as my son starts complaining about his hair I take him to the barbers - on average 3x/year; DD is about 1x year. (put it into context, me -about 1x year).

@willdoitinaminute I'm in stitches reading your post. Thank you

So getting three toddlers out and about, immaculately dressed isn't an achievement?? Have you met any?

Some on this thread seem to think that the scruffy hippie family look is a bit contrived and I'm artful arranging it all before we come out. That's basically implying that we're shallow and it's all an act. A narrow little person who thinks that, has no conception that people are truly different to them, that people can have different priorities. That's literally, a narrow minded bigot.

I might put a hat on my son for dinner tomorrow though 😜

I never ever think in terms of class, it's something my snobby mother and her generation would do

If you weren't aware that differences of class are expressed/perceived by others, how do you know you're not thinking in those terms? Being aware of differences is not the same as ascribing value, i.e. better/worse than me.